Client: “My blog needs to have a picture that can easily be taken from Google Images or other free sources.”

Me: “Hate to break it to you, but you can’t legally use Google Images for free photos.”

Client: “Uh, yeah, you can. Just right-click and click ‘Save Image As’. I shouldn’t have to tell you this. You’re supposed to be the graphics expert.”

A non-profit client offers social services for individuals seeking help with addiction, homelessness, HIV/AIDS, etc. There is an image bar on the website with stock photos of people related to each issue that the non-profit assists with.

The client emails me photos of real-life clients to replace the stock images.

Me: “Um… are we sure we want to put your actual clients in these spaces?”

Client: “Don’t worry; I wasn’t going to match anyone’s picture to their actual problem. See that guy? He has AIDS, not an addiction to alcohol.”

In early November:

Client: “Can we create a ‘before and after’ gallery for our services?”

Me: “Yeah, of course. I can create whatever you’d like. This work will be outside of your monthly retainer, so it will be chargeable, but it’ll be discounted! Just let me know specifically how many galleries you need for services and pages and roughly how many images per gallery, and I’ll get back to you with a quote.”

Client: “Okay, I’ll get back to you. Thanks!”

In early December:

Client: “Hi. Just checking in to see how you’re getting on with all the galleries. Thanks.”

Me: “I’m not. We’ve not spoken since the last time you said you’d get back to me with the details I would need to quote — which was over a month ago — so the work was never booked.”

Client: “Okay, thanks for the clarification. I’ll get back to you.”

In mid-December:

Client: “Hi. We need to arrange a meeting regarding incomplete work so we can resolve this issue ASAP. Thanks.”

Me: “There’s no outstanding work. Do you mean the gallery idea? It was never quoted for or booked as you didn’t provide any further information.”

Client: “Oh, okay. I’ll get back to you this afternoon with all of the images and galleries we need. Thanks.”

In late December, immediately after I send out a reminder of my upcoming unavailability around the festive season:

Client: “Can you send me my login details again? I couldn’t work out how to log in to WordPress! Also how easy is it to make a gallery?”

Me: “For me? Well, it would probably take—”

Client: “No, I mean for me to do it. Can you show me how?”

Client FIRED.

I do graphic design and basic websites for clients who do not require fully custom websites.

I once had a client who would periodically send me photos to edit. They were mostly fashion photos, and she just needed me to remove the backgrounds for her. They were pretty simple, and I would charge her a couple of bucks per photo since each photo took me less than ten minutes.

Things started going south when, after a few weeks, her deadlines started getting tighter and tighter, from a couple of days to a twenty-four-hour turnaround. To be fair, we had a standing contract about this particular job, and she was always very prompt with payment, so I thought I’d do my part when it was really urgent and politely decline or outsource it when it was too much.

After a couple of weeks, she stopped contacting me, so I thought she didn’t need my service anymore.

One day, I received this email from her.

Client: “Sorry I haven’t contacted you for a while. My previous business didn’t work out, but now I have a new idea. I need a new website by next week. I can pay you $50.”

I never bothered replying to that email.

About five years ago, I was working on a design for a client who had previously told me it needed to be finished by the end of March. The week before the end of February, I got food poisoning, so I called my client to tell him that I’d be taking a few days off to recover.

Client: “Well, that won’t do! You need to have this done by next week at the very latest!”

Me: “Pardon? You said this needed to be done by the end of March.”

Client: “You must have misheard me. I said this needed to be done by the end of February.”

He sent me the details about the deadline in an email, so at this point, I was scrambling to open it up.

Me: “No, it clearly says here that the deadline is March 27th, and the contract you signed stipulated you would be paying me for two months of work.”

Client: “I never agreed to that! Whatever. You lied in the contract, so I’m not paying you.”

At that point, I hung up and contacted a lawyer. After I completed the design and received no pay whatsoever, I threatened to sue, and only then did my client pay.

As it turns out, the client had gotten his deadlines mixed up and only bothered to check a week before the work was due. Why you wouldn’t confirm a deadline when SIGNING A LEGALLY BINDING CONTRACT is beyond me.