Me: “See on the page where it says, ‘Connect with us’?”

Client: “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down with the web lingo. I don’t speak web. Now… What?”

Me: “…See on the page where it says, ‘Connect with us’?”

I’m on the phone with a client.

Me: “Are you busy right now?”

Client: “Sort of. I’m just checking the traffic in and out of our business.”

Me: “Oh, good. We’ve been having a good couple of weeks, haven’t we? What kind of figures are you seeing?”

Client: “No one so far.”

Me: “That’s impossible. I checked Google Analytics the other day.”

Client: “Yeah, I’m just using Street View.”

Me: “Street View?”

Client: “On Google Maps. Just checking to see who’s coming and going.”

Me: “That’s an image, not a live video.”

Client: “Phew!”

As a relatively new designer, I met with a client in order to create a logo and a series of brochures. At the meeting, the clients told me:

Client: “Eventually, we’ll want you to create our website.”

Being a newbie and wanting to nab the client, I lowballed the cost for the branding so that I could get the website. After sending a proposal for the site, they told me:

Client: “This isn’t in our budget right now, but you’ll definitely design this for us eventually.”

Over time, I was asked to do other assignments for their business. They expected me to do it at the same rate that I had initially proposed. I delivered good designs in a timely fashion and dirt cheap. They were always happy with my work, which is why they kept coming back to me.

A year later, the client started making noise about getting a new website. As per their request, I sent a revised proposal for the website and was assured by the manager that I would definitely design their website, as they loved my work.

After a few weeks of not hearing from them, I inquired. I was told by the administrative assistant (and daughter of the managers):

Administrative Assistant: “Oh, I’m designing the website.”

Moral of the story? If you price yourself like dirt, you’ll be treated like it.

A client wanted an e-commerce store designed.

Me: “Do you have a budget?”

Client: “No; it costs what it costs.”

My partner and I proposed a very reasonable price, and in the proposal, we stated that additional hours would be billed at $60 per hour. She refused to even look at the proposal, handing it off to one of the interns to “deal with it.”

The project wore on for about three months, and we still hadn’t been paid for our initial invoice. We called the client.

Client: “My intern is handling it. You’ll get a cheque in the mail.”

About a week later, we hadn’t heard from her, so we did what we usually do: halt work and send them a message. The client phoned me after receiving the message, basically screaming at me.

Client: “This is too expensive! Spend no more than ten hours designing and programming it; I don’t want to spend more than $600!”

We had spent ten hours in meetings alone.

Client: “Why would anyone have a hard time using a website? It’s all about clicking buttons. Make buttons big red squares, and maybe add some sound to each one, so when a user points to a button with the mouse, he’ll hear a ‘button voice’ yelling, ‘Click me! Click me!’ Now, this is what I call a user experience!”

Me: “…”

Client: “Listen, boy, I am not supposed to provide these kinds of solutions. I am paying you to do that! Listen… are you r*****ed or something?”