Client: “I can’t access our site!”
Me: “Okay, I can access it fine. Can you access any other sites?”
Client: “No, I’m on the beach.”
Me: “Is there Internet on the beach?”
Client: “No! But you told me we could access the site from anywhere! Think how many prospective clients are at the beach right now.”
Me: “I think you’ve gotten too much sun.”
Client: “Can you make the site so that it doesn’t show any products until someone has completed a survey? We want to gain valuable feedback from them first.”
Me: “So, let me get this straight. You don’t want to sell products to someone until you can collect valuable marketing data that helps you to sell products to people?”
Client: “Yes.”
Me: “You said earlier you wanted me to build your business website?”
Client: “Yes, I still want to do the same.”
Me: “What’s your budget?”
Client: “I have 500 business cards with me. Are you interested?”
Client: “We like your proposal and enthusiasm, but we really can’t afford you. How much would you charge to rent out your computer?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Client: “Our sales manager is pretty creative. We could just have him come to your office on a Saturday or something and knock this thing out.”
Me: “You don’t want to hire me, but instead want to… rent… my computer?”
Client: “Yeah. And you could be there. You know, to give him some tips if he gets stuck. Maybe toss in a creative idea or two. In fact, we’ll do all of the work and still use your creative ideas. It’s a win-win!”
I got this text from one of my clients at about 11:00 pm on a Thursday night.
Client: “My a**e hurts.”
I deliberated for hours about whether I should text back or not, knowing that the client would realize at some point that he had accidentally sent such a personal text to his web designer. In the end, I chose to ignore it. We haven’t spoken since.
