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Download Some Intelligence While You’re At It

| OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I need to download a file to my pictures that change.”

Me: “Okay, yes, I believe you are talking about adding an image to your large slide show, but please let me make sure that you are talking about uploading an image, right? Adding the file to your website? Downloading is when you save things from your website to your computer.”

Customer: “No, I want to download a picture.”

Me: *talks them through the process of downloading images*

Customer: “Okay, thank you… So, when will the image show up on my website?”

Me: “Oh, I am sorry, sir; I must have misunderstood. So you do want to upload a file to your website? To have the image appear on your website for people to view?”

Customer: “No, I want to download the image!”

Me: *gives up, and gives instructions for how to upload an image*

Customer: “See?! Was that so hard? You tech people think you know what you are talking about and you couldn’t even help me download an image!” *hangs up*

A Rude Awakening

| New York, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(I ask a client to call me the morning of the next day to discuss layouts for his website. He ends up calling at around 3:00 pm instead.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I won’t be able to help you right now. Please ca—”

Client: “Wait. I thought you said to call in the morning!”

Me: “Yes, I did, but it’s 3:00 in the afternoon now. I’m really busy right now though so we’ll have to reschedule.”

Client: “YOU SAID MORNING! I just woke up so it’s still MY morning! You need to assist me now!”

Epicenseless

| New Zealand | Wild & Unruly

(I run a web business in New Zealand, and am talking a friendly customer on the phone. Suddenly, the building starts to shake. It’s not violent, but it’s very long, so I’m not sure at first how bad it’s going to get.)

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry. There’s an earthquake.”

Customer: “Oh! Where are you?”

Me: “Wellington.”

Customer: “I’m in [town further south].”

(I don’t respond, as I’m wondering whether I should get under the desk for my own safety. I continue to hold onto the phone, when I hear the customer speak again.)

Customer: “Oh, I feel it now! Isn’t this exciting?”

As Blank As His Brain

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am trying to help a customer retrieve a lost page on his website.)

Customer: “So, why was my page lost in the first place?”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure, sir. What were you doing before you lost the page?”

Customer: “I was editing it.”

Me: “Okay, what part did you edit?”

Customer: “Well, I edited the heading, and I noticed the page was blank when I was scrolling down.

Me: “So, why did you click save?”

Customer: “Well, I thought it would just pop back up.”

Me: “No, sir. You just saved a blank page over what you had, and erased everything.”

Customer: “Well, you guys should put that in big bold letters at the top of the page. ‘Don’t save page if main area is blank!’.”

Intelligence Goes Into The Trash Can

| Chicago, IL, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “I had something typed up that I was going to send you. Tell me, how do you find a file that you’ve lost on your computer? I know it’s on here somewhere, but I can’t find it.”

Me: “Oh, well, go to the upper right hand corner–”

Customer: “I’ve tried that! I couldn’t find the file!”

Me: “Hmm. Do you remember what the file name was?”

Customer: “I don’t think it had a file name!”

Me: “Well, did you save it as ‘Untitled’, then?”

Customer: “I don’t think I saved it…”

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