(I am a customer at a cell phone store, observing the following exchange.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but your phone has water damage, which isn’t covered by the warranty. You will have to purchase a new phone.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I haven’t gotten the phone wet!”

Employee: “Have you used the phone in the rain? Sometimes, that’s all it takes to get the internals wet enough to damage the device.”

Customer: “Well, yes, but that doesn’t make any sense! Cows are in the rain all the time and they don’t die!”

Employee: “…”

Me: *interjecting* “Sir, cows aren’t electronic devices.”

Customer: *storms out*

This story is part of our Somehow Even More Weather roundup!

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(It’s wintertime and the car wash is shut down because it tends to freeze below a certain temperature.)

Customer: “Why is the car wash closed?”

Me: “It’s below 20 degrees. It has to be closed or it’ll freeze.”

Customer: “But I just bought a car wash and now I can’t wash my car!”

Me: “Those car washes don’t expire. You can use it when the weather warms up a little bit.”

Customer: “The g**d*** car wash is always closed! EVERY TIME I COME IN HERE, THE CAR WASH IS CLOSED! IT’S ALWAYS–”

Me: “HEY!”

Customer: *backs up, surprised*

Me: “It’s just a car wash.”

Customer: *walks out in a huff*

This story is part of our Even-More-Bad-Drivers roundup!

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(I’m working at the library; it’s cloudy and raining outside.)

Patron: “Can you do something about all that noise?”

Me: “Is the AC too loud? Maintenance isn’t here today, but I can give you some earplugs.”

Patron: “NOT THAT!  The construction! Tell them I’m trying to work!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s no construction.”

Patron: “That rumbling!”

Me: “You mean the thunder?”

Patron: “Whatever. Tell them to stop.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I really have no control over nature.”

Patron: “Ugh, you people! You can’t do ANYTHING!”

(Sadly, this man is a doctor.)

This story is part of the More-Customers-Versus-Mother-Nature roundup!

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(This conversation happens a week after Hurricane Katrina. The store is understaffed, we have more customers than we can handle, and prescriptions are taking four-to-six days to get filled. I also have a long line at the front of the store and am the only cashier up front.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I just want to let you know how angry I am right now.”

Me: “Well, what is the problem, ma’am? ”

Customer: “I brought a prescription in four days ago and it still isn’t ready.”

Me: “Okay, well, hold on while I transfer your call to our pharmacy.”

Customer: “No! I already spoke with them and they said there was nothing they could do right now.”

Me: “All right, ma’am. I can transfer you to one of my managers.”

Customer: “I don’t want to talk to them. I just want to let y’all know how angry I am right now.”

Me: “Look, I understand. Would you like me to transfer you to a manager or the pharmacy?”

Customer: “I already told you no! I just want to let you know how mad I am right now and that I will not be shopping in your store again.”

Me: “Look, lady, they pay me $6.00 an hour. I honestly don’t care, but I will be more than happy to transfer you to someone who might! I am the only cashier and have a very long line. I don’t have time for this!”

Customer: “I just called to tell you–”

Me: *click*

This story is part of our Pharmacy Roundup!

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(It was raining one day and didn’t look like it would be stopping any time soon.)

Guest: “Hi, could you tell me when it’s going to stop raining?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure.”

Guest: “Well, why not? I came here to enjoy the park, and my family can’t do that when its pouring rain! When will it stop so we know when to come back?”

Me: “Hold on a sec…”

(I pick up the phone.)

Me: “Hi, GOD? Ya, its me, how you doing? Ya, ya… I’m good as you can see. Well you see this woman standing next to me? She’s wondering when you’re gonna stop the rain so she can enjoy the park… Oh, okay. I’ll let her know! Have a magical day!”

(The woman storms off to another cast member and demands to see my manager. I got fired, but it was TOTALLY worth it!)