Coated In Snow

, , , , , | Learning | October 29, 2018

(My friend is Chinese-American. She was born in America, but as soon as she is old enough to fly, her family moves to Harbin, in China. She is 11 when they return to America. The family often travels to Siberia. It is December, but it’s not snowing. For some reason, the few other ethnic Asians here are way more bundled up than the other kids. My friend is among the least bundled out of everyone, but she is the tiniest student, by a lot. This interaction with a substitute, who has to lead the class to the yard, takes the cake.)

Substitute Teacher: “We’re not going until everyone has their coats on.”

(He repeats it, and then walks in front of my friend and repeats again, staring at her.)

Friend: “I’m ready.”

Substitute Teacher: “That’s a jacket, not a coat.”

Friend: “I don’t need one.”

Substitute Teacher: *looks at everyone else with a coat, except a tall, plump, white boy who is also in a jacket* “Hey, no coat?”

Classmate #1: “I’m Norwegian.”

Substitute Teacher: “Are you sure?”

Classmate #1: “Yeah.”

Substitute Teacher: *looks back to friend* “So, how about you? You’re not Norwegian.”

Friend: “No, but I’m from cold places, too.”

Substitute Teacher: “Even in Beijing, people wear more than that. I’ve been there.”

Friend: “I’m from Harbin; it’s colder! And I vacation in Siberia! Much colder!”

Substitute Teacher: “Chinese people don’t like cold; they never do. You need a coat. Look at you; you’re so thin and tiny.”

Friend: “I’m fine.”

Classmates: “She’s fine; can we go?”

Classmate #1: “She’s just like me; it’s fine.”

Substitute Teacher: “You are. She’s not! Now, get that coat!”

Friend: “My coat is at grandpa’s home, in China! I don’t need it here.”

Substitute Teacher: “Don’t make excuses. Show me your bag and locker.”

(The sub takes a look at everything. No coat.)

Substitute Teacher: “Well, this is ridiculous. Did you hide it?”

Classmates: “She does not need a coat; we told you!”

Substitute Teacher: “We’re all going to the principal, then.”

Classmate: “One of us is already going there.”

Substitute Teacher: “What?” *counts*

Classmate #2: “When you were looking at her stuff.”

Substitute Teacher: “Hey, you don’t leave the line unless I say so!”

Classmate #3: “Then stop asking about coats! She doesn’t need one.”

Friend: “I really don’t!”

Substitute Teacher: “Back inside the classroom, then! Everyone!”

(Half of them are back, still with coats on, when the principal and a classmate arrive.)

Principal: “What’s the matter here?”

Substitute Teacher: “We were going outside to the yard, and [Friend] refused to wear a coat!”

Principal: “Why not?”

Substitute Teacher: “She said she doesn’t need one.”

Principal: “Why do you think she does?”

Substitute Teacher: “Look at her!”

Principal: “So, she’s just small. Do you know where she’s from?”

Substitute Teacher: “China.”

Principal: “Yes, and the coldest province. It snows all winter. There isn’t even a speck of snow right now.”

Substitute Teacher: “It’s still ridiculous! And she claims to vacation in Siberia, too.”

Principal: “Does she? Well, that explains it more. She doesn’t need a coat. Get on with class.”

Substitute Teacher: “Are you sure? Shouldn’t we bring the parents in?”

Principal: “They pick her up; you can see them then.”

(My friend says they didn’t meet after all, but that sub kept on asking every time she subbed, even in spring.)

This Excuse Holds Water

, , , | Right | October 24, 2018

(A very bad hurricane has hit Texas and caused a lot of damage and devastation. Often, people call in and ask a question before we pull up their account.)

Me: “Your post office hasn’t delivered your package yet? Wow, let me get your account pulled up and take a look.”

(After pulling up the account, I see the lady is in Texas. I start to facepalm, but continue because maybe her area wasn’t hit so bad. Per company policy, as long as it’s not an obvious prank call, threatening, or harassing, we have to answer their questions.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I see that you’re in Texas, and as you know Hurricane Harvey has just passed, so I’m sure there will be several delays with packages as everyone tries to get things situated. Could you go to the post office and ask if maybe they have it there?”

Caller: “How can I ask them if the post office is under water?!” *click*

Under The Umbrella Of Justice

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 22, 2018

(When I am in college, I walk from my apartment to campus. On this particular day, it is raining fairly hard, so I’ve brought an umbrella, and since there is an umbrella stand near the entrance to one particular building I am going to, I choose to leave it in the stand rather than dragging it around with me. After I get done with class, I am coming back when I spot someone pulling my umbrella out of the rack.)

Me: “Hey! That’s actually mine!”

(The person turned to look at me before bolting through the doors, out into the still-pouring rain, not even opening the umbrella. They got about ten feet before tripping and falling on their face, then scrambling to their feet and keeping on running. The umbrella only cost me about ten dollars, and I did have to walk home in the rain after that, but I considered the slam to the hard pavement they had when they tripped to probably be sufficient punishment.)

Even Siri Facepalmed

, , , , | Working | October 11, 2018

(We hit an unusual drought. After a month, we finally get a little bit of rain. It’s been drizzling for about half an hour, when I overhear two coworkers talking to each other.)

Coworker #1: “I wonder if it already started raining.”

Coworker #2: “You can look on the weather app to see!”

(I turned to the window, looking at the wet streets and falling rain. I decided not to butt into their conversation.)

Finding Fraudulent Uses For Their 3-Iron

, , , , , | Legal | October 9, 2018

(Our town is hit by a tornado, along with two other towns. This incident takes place the day after. My husband and I are walking through the streets with a chainsaw helping to cut and move fallen trees where needed, to clear roads for emergency crews and traffic, and to clear driveways so people who still have undamaged cars can get them out. It’s been a long, slow process and we’ve been at it for several hours, starting about eight am. We stop so we can grab some water from our backpacks, and we witness two people up the block hitting the side of their car with a golf club. There does not appear to be any other damage on the car apart from what they are doing.)

Husband: *sounding confused* “What is she doing?”

Me: “Probably going to try to scam her insurance for a new car.”

Husband: “Think she has actually looked at some of the other storm damaged cars?”

Me: “Probably not, or she wouldn’t be hitting the side of the car that is currently facing her perfectly undamaged house. Sadly, even though the damage is going to obviously look like it’s intentional, by the time her claims adjuster gets to her, they are probably just going to give in and not argue with her so they can get things done and move on to others.”

(The people looked around at this time and saw us standing there watching them. They immediately put the golf club in the garage and went back in the house. While there were thankfully no fatalities and only minor injuries from the storm, these frauds made me sick. I thought about the people displaced until they could get their houses tested for soundness so they could start repairs, and the handful of people who lost their houses entirely, along with the people with totaled cars. We do have relief efforts out here, along with every conceivable insurance company, but it’s going to be a long road, and we have just barely begun. I hope those people got what they deserve.)

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