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This Vacation Is All Downhill From Here

, , , , | Right | September 10, 2009

(This is in summer when the customer comes in.)

Customer: “I would like to buy three ski passes for today.”

Me: “Miss, it’s 90 out and the snow melted months ago.”

Customer: “But I thought you guys made it?”


This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

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Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

, , , , , | Right | September 4, 2009

Me: “Hello, this is [Pool]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What are your sessions today?”

Me: “Our sessions today are 12:30 to 4:30 and 7:15 to dark.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: *more slowly and clearly, but still polite* “Our sessions today are 12:30 to 4:30 and 7:15 to dark–around 9:00 pm.”

Customer: “What’s dark?”

Me: “Around 9:00 pm.”

Customer: “No, what is dark?”

Me: “When the… sun goes down?”

Customer: “Oh, how rude!” *click*


This story is part of the Swimming Pool roundup!

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The Wicked Witch Of The Pacific Northwest

, , , , , , | Right | August 14, 2009

(I work at a very popular authentic garden in Portland. Even though it is August, it has been raining hard lately.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like two adults, two kids.”

Me: “That will be $[amount].”

Customer: “So what happens if it rains?”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Customer: “What happens if it rains? Do you refund everyone’s money or something?”

Me: “Not really. This is Portland, after all. We’re famous for heavy rains.”

Customer: “Yes, but what do you do? There’s no tent or anything that you set up?”

Me: “Well, no, ma’am. This is a garden. We’re still outside, even though you’re paying to get in. And most of the time the rain doesn’t bother anyone… People still walk in the rain.”

Customer: “They what?! They walk in the rain?! Don’t they get wet?”

Me: “Well, yes, but this is Portland. We’re used to the rain, and besides, the garden is very lovely in the rain.”

Customer: “Oh, my! Oh, my! This cannot do. This is my vacation! Why does it have to rain? Don’t we get a rain discount or something?”

Me: “No, sorry. If we gave discounts for every time it rained here, we would be well out of business. And this is a garden, so it needs rain.”

Customer: “Oh, God! Oh, God! The rain… it hurts!”

Lord Of The Rain Dance

, , | Right | August 11, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, [Theater]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I want to know what’s happening tonight with the show, since it’s going to rain. I have tickets and I want a refund.”

Me: “Well, the company doesn’t cancel a show until the scheduled start time, so you do have to turn up at the venue to see what we’re doing. We will go ahead in light rain, and we can’t refund if the show goes ahead.”

Caller: “You’re telling me I have to drive all the way there, when you know it’s going to be canceled?”

Me: “Well, we don’t decide until that time because we’re not sure what the weather will be like this evening.”

Caller: “The national weather service says it’s going to rain.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the weather’s been a bit unpredictable lately, so–”

Caller: “That’s not true.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “They said it would rain tonight.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am, but we’re still not sure that at the time of the show–”

Caller: “You shouldn’t insult people like that. People have studied for years to be able to predict the weather! You shouldn’t just dismiss that!”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t mean to-”

Caller: “Oh, I’m sure you didn’t, but you really should be more careful how you speak. If they say there’s going to a storm, you should respect that. You should cancel your show.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Well unfortunately, that is the visiting company’s policy, so I’m afraid you’ll have to take it up with them.”

Caller: “I will!” *hangs up*

(Unfortunately for the caller, we had beautiful summer evening and the show went ahead as planned.)

The Store, My Friend, Is Blowing In The Wind

, , , | Right | June 12, 2009

Customer: *on the phone* “I’ve been trying to order a book from your store in Palm Harbor for the last two days, but they never pick up the phone!”

Me: “Okay, what number are you calling?”

(The customer gives me the number and I check our records. She has been calling the right number.)

Customer: “I’ve been calling and calling and they never, EVER answer! It’s so unprofessional! I need you to contact them for me.”

Me: “Well, to be honest, if they never pick up for you, they’re not going to pick up for me either, but I’ll see if our manager has a suggestion.”

Customer: “Well, obviously you should try calling on the employee line!”

Me: “We don’t have that, ma’am. We call each other’s stores with the same numbers you’re using.”

Customer: “When you get through to them, tell them I want them to order this item…”

(The customer gives me all the book information and her phone number, then proceeds to complain about how frustrated and angry she is about our company’s terrible attitude. I talk to my district manager, who gives me some very important news. I relay the following to this woman’s answering machine…)

Me: “Hello, I’m calling you back about the item you wanted ordered from another store in our chain. Unfortunately, we’ve just found out that our Palm Harbor store was blown away in the recent hurricane. I’m sure this is why they’re not answering their phone. Please give us a call back any time, and let us know if we can assist you further. Have a nice day!”