Your Impatience Has Hit The Roof

, , , , | Working | May 28, 2018

When I was fourteen we had a fire late at night that destroyed the roof and attic of our house. Thankfully, nobody was hurt, because our neighbours saw the fire and alerted the fire brigade. We found out that the fire was caused by lightning striking the overhead power line. The city was in the process of taking down the lines and putting them underground. Our house still had the overhead line, but they had already cut the grounding.

Since it was their fault, they were responsible for putting up a new roof. They had almost finished it one Friday but left the roof ridge open the entire length of the house. My mom asked them about rain, but they said that due to the slant of the roof it wouldn’t rain inside. Also, the forecast was good and they were finishing the roof on Monday.

Lo and behold, on Sunday one of the worst summer storms of the year happened. We were in church and came home to rain pouring down the open roof. We didn’t have enough containers, so we got all our woollen rugs and spread them under the opening to catch the water and prevent it from soaking through to our bedrooms. My mom and I spent two hours wringing woolen rugs into tubs and my twelve-year-old brother tried to carry them downstairs and outside to empty them. We called the guy in charge and he told us not to bother him because the rain had seeped into his basement and he was busy.

They did repair all the water damage, but a little help during the crisis would have been appreciated.

A Flood Of Bizarre

, , , , | Right | May 28, 2018

I am a volunteer working in a shelter that was set up for residents flooded out of their homes after a storm. The waters are receding and the authorities have announced that it is safe for everyone to go back to their houses. An announcement was made in the shelter on Saturday night and signs posted stating that the shelter will close on Tuesday morning.

An elderly woman and her middle-aged daughter have been staying with us since the first night of the floods. They are quiet, very polite, and well-dressed, and they are driving an expensive car. The daughter is employed at a local hospital and we wonder why they have not gone to a hotel. Nobody likes sleeping on cots in a church basement with a bunch of strangers, and it’s unusual for people who have funds to come to the shelter.

On Tuesday morning all the other residents have left but the two women. When the day shift arrives at eight am, these two are washed, dressed, packed, and sitting on folding chairs in the sleeping area. The daughter asks what time does the shelter closes. I tell them we will be officially closing at 9:30.

Note that the workers aren’t allowed to start cleaning up until all the clients have left. The women stay until 9:30 exactly, then pick up their bags and leave.

The mother says, “I guess you want to get rid of us!”

The Apocalypse Is Not An Excuse For Leaving Early

, , , , | | Working | May 19, 2018

(Strange atmospheric conditions have caused the sky to turn deep red. Looking out the windows of the office, it’s like looking into a furnace.)

Coworker: “Isn’t there something in the Bible about the sky turning red? This could be the end of the world.”

Me: “If it is, do you think they’ll let us take the rest of the day off?”

Like A Wet Yoyo

, , , , , , | Working | May 8, 2018

I worked at a popular fast food place for two years. One day, I was “asked” to come in on my day off and, not owning a car, biked twenty minutes there in the rain. Not even an hour after I got there, the rain turned into a storm. Wind knocked over a street lamp and it landed on the nearby power-lines, cutting the power to the entire side of the freeway our store was on. The backup generator only keeps the main register and freezer running; everything else, such as the second register, fry station, and meat slicer, were all shut down.

We had to put all of the cold stuff into the freezer and apologize to any customers who walked in, as we couldn’t make any food.

My boss got on the phone with the power company and learned it would take a while for someone to get out to fix the lines, so he sent three of us home, leaving just him and one other manager.

I had just arrived home, soaking wet, when I got a text from the manager saying that someone was already there to fix the lines, and the boss wanted me to come back before the dinner rush began.

I told her no.

They Were All (Patrick) Stars That Day

, , , , | Hopeless | April 29, 2018

(One day when I’m in first grade, there’s a tornado warning for my school’s area. We go through the routine for tornadoes, something we’ve only ever done as a drill before. Basically, all the students line up in an interior hallway, kneel on the ground against the wall, and cover their necks with their hands. When the teachers get news that the tornado is heading straight for us, they decide stronger measures are needed. They start herding as many students as possible into windowless rooms. My teacher leads my class, still lined up alphabetically, to a storage closet, where we do the same kneeling-against-the-wall thing. It soon becomes clear that one person isn’t going to fit, and since my last name is at the end of the alphabet for my class, that person is going to be me. My teacher closes the closet and takes me to another one, where a second teacher has ushered a group of seventh grade boys. We all pack into the tiny room, and the teachers don’t stay with us. It’s pitch-black when they close the door, I’m with a group of much older boys who I don’t know, and there’s a tornado coming. I start to cry.)

Boy #1: *trying to comfort me* “Hey, it’s all right. We’re safe in here.”

Me: *still crying*

Boy #2: “Are you ready, kids?”

Half The Boys In The Room: “Aye, aye, captain!”

Boy #2: “I can’t hear you!”

Every Boy In The Room: “AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!”

Boy #2:*singing* “Oooooooh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea?”

(Despite being at the age where little kid songs were seen as uncool, this group of seventh grade boys sang the entire “Spongebob Squarepants” theme song and every Disney song they could think of to keep me from being scared. I stopped crying soon after they started, and joined in with the singing. Luckily, the tornado didn’t hit us, and we were let out about an hour or so later.)

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