Snow Time To Slow Down

, , , , , , | Related | February 22, 2019

(My parents and my two brothers and I go to visit my aunt and uncle in Texas for Christmas. We live in Washington state, but my parents decide to drive. We’ve stopped for the night in a hotel in Wyoming. At the time, my brothers and I are young enough and small enough that my parents just turn us sideways on the bed and things are usually pretty good. In the middle of the night, both of my parents wake up when they hear the thump of one of my brothers rolling off the bed. When no screams come, they both rush out of bed to make sure he’s okay.)

Dad: “He’s still breathing. Here, hand me that blanket, so we don’t have to try and wake him up. He’ll be fine here.”

(He grabs his pillow and the blanket and does his best to cover my brother up. My mom moves in to use the bathroom since she’s up. for an unknown reason, my dad heads towards the window and peeks out the curtain.)

Dad: “Get dressed. We need to leave now!”

Mom: “What?”

Dad: *turning on the lights* “We need to leave. Now!”

(Outside, the snow is falling pretty badly, semis are on their sides in the ditches, and the snow is piling up. My brothers are really heavy sleepers and don’t wake up, so my dad just carries them to the car while my mom has me help her get stuff packed up. We get into the car, check out of the hotel, and stop at a gas station to fill up and grab a case of water. Then, we get on the freeway. My mom turns on the radio)

Announcer: “We’ve just closed the highway at [Exit #1].”

Mom: “We just passed that.”

Dad: “Uh-huh.”

Announcer: “We’ve just closed the highway at [Exit #2].”

Mom: “And that one!”

Dad: “Yep.”

Announcer: “Highway has been closed at [Exit #3].”

Mom: “That one, too!”

Dad: “Yeah.”

(It turned out we were racing the storm. My dad was literally just ahead of it; when my mom and I glanced back, there was just this wall of grey chasing us. We made it out of Wyoming without getting stopped. Overall, it took us about two and a half days to get to my aunt and uncle’s house. We avoided Wyoming on the way home… just in case.)

About To Get A Flood Of Complaints

, , , , , | Right | February 21, 2019

(The town is experiencing severe tropical storms and has several roads flooded in. Our shop stays open because our location is generally accessible. With regularly updated broadcasts of which roads have been flooded and are inaccessible, we keep a close eye to manage our delivery service. I am managing a busy shift where most customers are just grateful to have some food available to them. I notice one of my staff looking worried while on a phone call. I motion to her to ask if she needs help, and she nods yes before politely excusing herself from the customer and saying that her manager is on hand to help her. I take the phone and immediately hear a hysterically, loud woman rudely saying that she just wanted to place an order for delivery, with what sounds like a bunch of kids playing and screaming at each other in the background.)

Me: “Of course, ma’am. Can I start with asking what address you would like that delivery to?”

Customer: “[Street]! I told the other girl already! Why can’t you f****** idiots do anything right?!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. This storm has been going for two days, and your road has been flooded in. We have no way of getting our drivers to your house.” *thinking quickly that I would try to help by taking the delivery out myself and convert this lady into a happy customer* “However, if you could drive down the road to the opposite side of the flooded section, we could get the driver to walk across and hand you your order.

Customer: “I’m not going anywhere! Why should I have to leave my house for a delivery order?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure how you think we can get the order to you. Your house is located over three kilometres from the flooded section, with no other way in. We really should not be delivering to you at all, but I understand that you have a difficult–”

Customer: “Do you do deliveries?!”

Me: “Um, yes?”

Customer: “So why can’t you deliver to me?!”

Me: “Um, because there is a flood on your road and it has been closed off to vehicles.”

Customer: “How hard is it to do your f****** jobs?! You either deliver or you don’t! This is f****** bulls***! I’ve got five hungry kids here, and how am I supposed to feed them? This f****** rain has flooded our road in and we can’t drive out to the f****** shops to get any food!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry that we couldn’t help you today. Here’s the number to [Competitor].” *who we know, like most other businesses in town, is not trading during the severe weather* “I hope that they can help you out today.”

Customer: *click*

(Of course, the lady calls back about forty-five minutes later after possibly trying every other delivery service in town.)

Customer: *pretending to not have called at all earlier* “Hi, can I get a delivery to [address], please? I know the road is flooded in, but we can meet you halfway down the road.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we can do that. However, it is very busy right now and there is a four-hour wait on all delivery orders.” *not true*

(The politeness evaporated, and I got a satisfying chance to return the favour of hanging up while she continued to curse a blue streak.)

A Hurricane Of Bad Relationships

, , , , , , , | Related Romantic | January 30, 2019

(My sister-in-law went through a string of abusive relationships before meeting my brother, but my brother is very good to her. They are on vacation when we get word that a massive hurricane is headed for their home. I’m already planning to evacuate, but they call me and ask me to go to their home and get some of their most important possessions — legal docs, computers, etc. — and I agree. I’m on the phone with them while I’m packing up their stuff.)

Sister-In-Law: “By the way, there’s something important I need you to get, but you’ll have to search for it.”

Me: “Okay. What am I looking for?”

Sister-In-Law: “In our walk-in closet, in my sock drawer, there is a pair of purple socks. Can you go find them?”

Me: *wondering why she is having me grab socks, of all things* “Sure… Okay, I got ’em.”

Sister-In-Law: “Great. You should feel something inside. Can you open up the sock and get it out?”

(I do so. I find hundreds of dollars wrapped in a tight bundle.)

Me: “Jesus. Must be a thousand dollars here.”

Sister-In-Law: “Yeah, that’s my ‘running away’ money, in case things with [Brother] don’t work out.”

My Brother: *who has been married to her for seven years and has heard this entire conversation* “Oh, that’s a good idea. Too bad you’ll need a new hiding place when we get back.”

Sister-In-Law: *dejected sigh* “Yeah…”

(The rest of the packing was uneventful.)

Being Cold Makes Him Hot

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 28, 2019

(One winter’s day, I come home from classes and get in the residence tower’s elevator. Another student also gets in… wearing shorts and a t-shirt! Again, it’s winter. In Edmonton. There are snow and ice everywhere.)

Me: “Um… comfy?”

Student: *embarrassed but cheerful* “Uh, not really. So… somehow I got the weather report in Fahrenheit instead of Celsius without noticing it. I just saw the numbers this morning and thought, ‘Hey, it’s nice out,’ so…”

(Mid-twenties Celsius is a warm summer day. Mid-twenties Fahrenheit is below freezing.)

Me: “Oh.”

Student: “Then I got outside, but I didn’t have time to go back and change, so I’ve just spent all day like this.”

Me: “Oh, Jesus Christ. You must be frozen.”

Student: *still cheerful* “Yeah, and everyone’s like, ‘Wow! Look at that guy! He must be from Alaska!’ and it’s like, no, I’m just stupid.”

(He was so chipper and honest about it that if I’d been single, I’d have asked him out!)

They Ignored The Bloody Hurricane

, , , , , , | Working | January 9, 2019

(There’s currently a pretty nasty hurricane slowly making its way across the state. Said hurricane has been on major news networks and late-night talk shows for the past week.)

Caller: “Hi. This is [Blood Charity]. Would you like to donate blood today?”

Me: “You… do know that there’s currently a hurricane going through my state, right?”

Caller: “You’re in [Smallish Town in the middle of the state]? Well, I’m in [City in the western part of the state], so I didn’t know.”

Me: “YOU’RE IN THE SAME STATE!”

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