I work in a brick-and-mortar store for a phone company. A guy walks in and demands:

Customer: “How do I open your app?!”

Me: “Are you having problems logging in? I can help you reset your password.”

Customer: “No! How do I open it?!”

He waves his phone in my face, and our app icon is right on the front.

Me: “Is it not responding when you press it?”

Customer: *Very confused.* “Press on it? What are you talking about?!”

I reach over and push the app icon. It opens. The guy is completely baffled, like I just performed magic.

Me: “If you didn’t know how to open an app, how did you download it?

Customer: “Oh, my wife does all that stuff. I just carry it. She’s out of town. So… you just touch the app?”

Me: “Yes, sir, your phone is a touch screen. Like, pretty much all touch screen. How have you been using your phone without realizing that?”

Customer: “Oh, people just call me, and I pass my phone to my wife, and she hands it back, and I talk to people.”

Me: “You don’t use it for anything else?”

Customer: “She brings up funny little videos for me sometimes.”

Me: “Nothing else?”

Customer: “What else is there? It’s just a phone!”

And off he walks with his $1,200 smartphone…

I’m a vet tech. Today, the husband of a couple brought in their dog.

Me: “Okay, are you here to update Fluffy’s vaccines?”

Man: “I guess.”

Me: “How’s everything going on at home? Are there any concerns you’d like us to address?”

Man: “I don’t know. My wife just told me to bring the dog.”

Me: “Okay, cool.”

Cue one hour later, the wife calls.

Wife: “Hey, is there any reason why you didn’t address X, Y, and Z?”

Me: *Feeling my spirit leave my body.* “Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re going to have to speak to your toddler of a husband. He didn’t bring any of that stuff up during his visit, even when I explicitly asked him.”

There was a beat of silence, then:

Wife: “I’ll take care of it.”

The next appointment had a very sulky, but very well-informed, husband whose weaponized incompetence had been thoroughly handled.

My boss refuses to learn even the basics of how to use his computer. He relies on me to show him how to do everything, and when I’m not around, he waits for me. He’s older, so I have been patient sometimes, but I am getting tired of his weaponized incompetence.

Boss: “How do I make it so that a file I use all the time is on my desktop?”

Me: “Just drag the file from the folder onto the desktop.”

Boss: “What’s that?”

Me: “[Boss], we’ve been over this before. You just click on the folder with the mouse, drag it across the screen, and let go when it’s in the spot you want it to be.”

Boss: “Don’t talk to me like that! I didn’t grow up with these things! I shouldn’t be expected to learn them!”

Me: “You should when you make ninety times my salary.”

Boss: “What?! How… how do you know what I make?!”

Me: “I could teach you about locking your screen that are showing company financials when you’re out to lunch, but you probably shouldn’t be expected to learn that either.”

I watched weaponized incompetence play out in the grocery store the other day. There was a guy video calling a woman – maybe his wife, girlfriend, or sister? – in the aisle, and he kept scanning the shelves with his phone camera.

Lady: “No, you’re looking for soy sauce.”

I hung around, thinking maybe he genuinely needed help, but I quickly realized he was just another dude pretending not to know anything so he could guilt her into taking over.

Man: “Why do I have to find the soy sauce?”

Lady: “Because it’s your turn to grocery shop.”

Man: “How am I supposed to know where the soy sauce is in this stupid store?”

Lady: “You follow the signs and use your eyes.”

Honestly, the store was super well labeled. Anyone, even a first-timer, could find what they needed just by reading the signs above each aisle.

Man: “How do I even know what soy sauce looks like?”

Lady: “Because you eat it all the time. You can figure this out. If you can’t find it, then you live without it until you can learn to shop like an adult.”

The best part? The soy sauce was literally right in front of him. If he’d actually bothered to look, he would’ve seen it. But instead, he acted like a clueless toddler, whining on the phone.

I really hoped she was at home packing her bags, because having to deal with that kind of intentional helplessness must have been exhausting. He could’ve just asked any of the employees, but he called her instead, trying to dump the responsibility on her when she wasn’t even there.

A customer at the hot food counter:

Me: “What can I get you, miss?”

Customer: “I’ll get the eight-piece mixed chicken.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

Customer: “Can you make it all chicken breasts though?”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am, we cannot.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because then it wouldn’t be mixed chicken. It would just be chicken breasts, and those cost more.” *Points to the pricing sign.*

Customer: “I don’t understand. I want the mixed box, but I want it all chicken breast.”

Me: “Do you know what mixed means, ma’am?”

Customer: “Of course I do! I want a mix of chicken breasts!”

Me: “Mixed means mixed pieces, like thighs, wings, etc.”

Customer: “I just want the mixed box, but I want it all chicken breast.”

Me: “No, you want to pay the mixed price but want all chicken breast. I’m not doing that for you.”

Customer: “But I don’t want any of those other pieces!”

Me: “Look, ma’am, you’re asking for eight of the most expensive cuts of chicken, so you gotta pay for that. I think you know that, and pretending otherwise isn’t going to make me fold.”

She stared me down for a long time before giving up and walking away. Weaponized incomprehension isn’t gonna work on me.