Sea Of Electricity

| NV, USA | Right | September 30, 2013

(I’m handing out inner tubes for a popular water slide. Several young men come up; one of them has a tattoo on his side that makes it look like his skin is peeling away to reveal mechanical inner workings. Shortly after they get in line, two little girls come up. They stare at the tattooed man for a few moments, and then one taps him on the leg.)

Girl #1: “Are you sure you can go in the water?”

Tattooed Man: “Uh… I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Girl #1: “But what about that?” *points to his tattoo* “My mommy says electric stuff can’t get wet.”

Tattooed Man: *grinning* “Oh, don’t worry. I’m an underwater explorer robot. I’m built for that stuff.”

Girl #2: “So you won’t break? Even if you get water all inside you?”

Tattooed Man: “Nope!”

Girls #1 & #2: *gaping at him* “Wow…”

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No ID, No Idea, Part 12

| Rapid City, SD, USA | Right | August 29, 2013

(I work at a water park about 20 minutes from Mt. Rushmore, so we have a lot of tourism. We have a gift shop that also allows you to rent towels and lifejackets. In order to rent, you must keep your ID with us. This is so you can remember to return items rented. A tour bus pulls up with a group from the local reservation, as well as a family from another state.)

Tour Bus Customer: “Hi, I want to rent four towels and a lifejacket for my daughter please.”

Me: “Certainly! Let me get your daughter in this jacket, and it will $27 with $11 as the deposit. We also need to hold your ID until we get these back.”

Tour Bus Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

(The tour bus customer yells to his wife to give him his wallet and hands me cash and his ID. This goes on for another few groups from the bus, and finally the group from another state is left.)

Out-of-state Customer: “My family needs three towels.”

Me: “Sure! It will be $15 with $6 deposit, and your ID, sir.”

Out-of-state Customer: “What?! I most certainly will not! Your sign says $3 for rentals, and you will not have my ID, because that’s how identity theft happens.”

Me: “I could understand your concern, but I do not touch the IDs. They stay in this little safe under the counter to prevent that. I only open it to retrieve the IDs. As for the rentals, it does say $3, but there is an additional $2 deposit. I guarantee you your money back; the ID is just something to make you remember to bring our stuff back. If you truly are concerned, I could have my manager hold it, or I’ll make an exception and you could leave $20 and still get $11 back.”

Out-of-state Customer: “I most certainly will not do either. I expect to pay $9 and no higher. And my ID stays with me.”

Me: “I understand, really. But your ID is safe, and you have to pay a deposit or I can’t rent to you.”

Out-of-state Customer: “I will do no such thing!”

(At this point, the out-of-state customer is starting to get angry, and is sliding things from the counter to the floor.)

Tour Bus Customer: “Listen, sir, your ID is safe with the lady, and if you continue to disrespect her, you will be forced out off the area and banned from any lands around.”

(The out-of-state customer turns to face the tour bus customer, who stands at 6’6″, about 275 lbs, and all muscle. Luckily, I know him, as he is my uncle’s best friend.)

Out-of-state Customer: *stammers* “Uh, fine.”

(The out-of-state customer throws in the cash and his ID, and takes off into the park.)

Tour Bus Customer: “Let me know if he gives you any more trouble today.”

(Thankfully, I think the out-of-state customer was scared straight, as his daughter came back only for the ID, and told me to keep the deposit as a tip!)

 

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Blind To His Pain

| USA | Working | August 27, 2013

(I’m a lifeguard, and I’m working the top of the large waterslide. The other lifeguard is at the bottom, and is supposed to monitor the kids when they get to the bottom. I watch a kid get to the bottom of the slide, and it appears he has banged his head pretty violently as he is now holding his head in obvious pain.)

Me: *using a walkie* “Hey [Coworker], could you check to see if the kid who just came out of slide two is okay? It looked like he hit his head pretty good.”

Coworker: “Ugh, where’s this kid?”

Me: “The kid that just came out of slide two.”

Coworker: “I don’t see any kid.”

Me: “He’s the kid that’s holding his head, and sitting in your peripheral vision on the ground literally two feet in front of you!”

Coworker: “Oh.”

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The Mother Of All Descriptions

| NY, USA | Related | July 29, 2013

(I am at the water park with my two young boys, aged seven and five. I get separated for several minutes, and start to panic, until I see them talking to a Park Safety Officer.)

Me: “There you are!”

Officer: “You’re the mom?” *starts laughing* “Your sons adore you. They wrote your name, address, phone number, and so much more.”

(On the officer’s notepad, I read what my seven-year-old wrote.)

Son’s Note: “Lost mom is a woman, 26 years old, tall, has boobs, sexy in red blue stripe swimsuit, not really skinny but beautiful, has hair, smells like Victoria’s secret.”

Me: “If your search has to go by that list, these kids will go home with a different mommy.”

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My Husband’s A Pinhead

| Chicago, IL, USA | Romantic | January 10, 2013

(I am a cashier of a water park. We’re not allowed to use the intercom system unless it’s an emergency. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, [water park]. How can I help you?

Man: “I need you to page my wife.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re not allowed to page people unless it’s an emergency.”

Man: “But I need to talk to her! This is an emergency! A very big emergency!”

(At this point, I don’t really know what to do because this has never happened before. I explain the situation to my manager, and he talks to the man who I can hear from the head set is really upset at this point. My manager gets the wife’s name and pages her to the office. She comes in dripping wet and takes the phone.)

Wife: *panicked* “Honey, there’s an emergency? What’s going on?… You had me paged for this?… It hasn’t moved… Did you check the top shelf of the closet?”

(She hangs up and turns to me and my manager.)

Wife: “I’m so sorry. My husband couldn’t find his bowling ball for league tonight.”

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