When Customers Finally See The Light(ning)

| Manitoba, Canada | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(It’s pouring rain and lightning has struck a nearby tower at our water park. We’ve therefore closed for safety and have evacuated all the guests. A woman of about 40 walks up to the gate while I’m ushering my fellow employees out of the park.)

Customer: “I’d like a ticket, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we’re closed right now due to inclement weather.”

Customer: “But I came here to use the water slides!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not safe right now. Lightning could strike one of the structures at any moment.”

Customer: “Sell me a ticket!”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot do that. We cannot allow you to enter the park during extreme weather.”

(Suddenly, the woman HITS me in the face with her beach bag and runs into the park. Two of the burly male lifeguards run after her and drag her back to safety just as lightning strikes our tallest water slide structure. There are very dramatic sparks and fire. The woman screams, turns, and starts running from the park. On her way out, she picks up her beach bag, hits me in the face AGAIN, and runs to her car. She got away.)

Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 5

| Booneville, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m at a nearby water park with some friends. A friend and I walk over to the deep end and start to get on the diving boards. The exchange initially takes place between my friend, a customer swimming in the deep end, and a lifeguard.)

Customer: *to my friend on the diving board* “Excuse me, people are swimming here.”

My Friend: “Umm… but this is the diving area.”

Customer: “You can’t dive here while we’re swimming!”

Lifeguard: “Ma’am, this is the diving area.”

(The female customer huffs angrily and then swims across the pool slowly, forcing my friend and I to wait before we can dive. We still go off the diving boards several times, and then leave to get on the water slides for awhile. We come back to the diving boards later to find the same customer making a scene with the park manager.)

Customer: “…and we would all have to get out of the water. Then this guy would do one dive and leave. We would all get back in the water and he would come back to dive again. It’s ridiculous.”

Manager: “Ma’am, this area is for diving only. You’re not supposed to swim in here. Furthermore, I won’t allow you to talk to my lifeguards like that. Please leave the park now.”

Customer: “I don’t have to listen to this ****. You better give me back my $4! I haven’t been here that long.”

Manager: “If you don’t leave now, I’m going to call the police.”

Customer: “Now you’re gonna call the police? I’ve been trying to be civil!”

(So much for being civil—we heard later from one of the lifeguards that she ended up leaving in the back of a police car.)

Related:
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 4
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

Sink Or Dim(witted)

| Vernon, NJ, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work for a large water park that has a ride which involves a jump off a 25 foot cliff and a Tarzan rope swing. On these rides, we have a series of questions we legally must ask.)

Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

Guest: “Huh?”

Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

Guest: “Oh…uh…yeah, of course.”

Me: “Any head, neck, or back injuries?”

Guest: *indignant* “Would I be standing here if I did? No injuries!”

Me: “Any history of heart problems?”

Guest: “Nope.”

Me: “Any shoulder dislocations?”

Guest: *rolls shoulders* “No, I’m good.”

Me: “Okay, no flipping or diving. Grab this rope, and you’re good to go…”

(The guest proceeds to swing out over water and falls off almost instantly. I look down and see him struggling to stay afloat, so my coworker jumps in and leads him to the ladder. I close off the ride to fill out a report for the save.)

Me: *to coworker* “What happened?!”

Coworker: “I don’t exactly know. He says his shoulder hurts.”

Me: “Sir, have you ever had a dislocated shoulder?”

Guest: “Yes, why do you ask?”

Me: “Because when I asked you before, you said no, and now you hurt it. Also, was it because of your shoulder that you were having trouble swimming?”

Guest: “No. I just can’t swim.”

Me: “So, when I asked if you were a good swimmer, why did you say yes?”

Guest: “I didn’t realize I would have to swim!”

Related:
No, Really: Sink Or Swim

Hopefully, This Experience Sinks In

| CA, USA | Top

(Note: I’m a lifeguard at a large waterpark. A guest approaches my station.)

Guest: “Being a lifeguard is soooo easy! I mean really, you just sit there all day and whistle at people.”

Me: “Excuse me, but I need to watch the water. I can’t really talk right now.”

Guest: “Ugh, you’re kidding me, right?! You’re not doing anything!”

(At this point, a coworker—also a lifeguard—speaks up.)

Coworker: “Listen, we get paid minimum wage to save lives. We are out here all day, everyday making sure people like you don’t drown. This job is hard because, honestly, we have to save people like you, okay?”

Guest: *defeated* “Oh. Sorry.”

(The guest slinks away. I found out that later in the day he had to be rescued.)

Storm Of Protest

| Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like to make a birthday reservation for July 12.”

Me: “Okay, we can certainly do that for you.”

Customer: “Before I do that, could you tell me what the weather is going to be like that day?”

Me: “Ma’am, that visit date is over a month away. We don’t have any idea what the weather will be like.”

Customer: “But, I thought you had one of those weather-predicting machines…”

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