Physician: Impregnate Thyself

, , , , , , | Related | October 4, 2018

My newly-pregnant sister-in-law and my grandfather are both doctors. Over lunch, they were discussing the stereotype of doctors making the worst patients. They both admitted they’re bad at making appointments for yearly check-ups and the like.

My brother spoke up, pointing to my sister-in-law’s baby bump, “Yeah, look what I had to do to get her to see a doctor!”

What Is His Plan With That Harp String?

, , , , , | Right | September 29, 2018

(I am a woman, and I have long, red hair. A dirty, bedraggled customer, carrying an autoharp in a case that looks to consist entirely of duct tape, approaches me.)

Customer: “Hello. I need a string.”

Me: “Sure! No problem. Which one?”

Customer: *puts autoharp on counter, points out string*

Me: “Great!” *gets string* “Here you are!”

Customer: *as I’m ringing him up* “You have beautiful hair. I’d love to put your head on a pike and carry it around with me.”

Me: *so shocked I can’t think of a single thing to say* “Your total is [total].”

Customer: “It would just be so pretty.”

Me: *finally thinking* “Yeah, I definitely prefer my head attached to my body. Have a nice day.”

Their Behavior Is A Mixed Bag

, , , , , , , | Working | September 26, 2018

(I’m at the checkout at my local grocery store. I’m female, and although I’m in my mid-twenties, I often get mistaken for being high-school-aged. The cashier, a man about my age, has been very polite and professional. I’ve been bagging my own groceries up to this point when another employee, a man in his 40s or 50s, comes over to help with bagging.)

Bagger: *starts taking items OUT of my reusable bags* “Oh, no. I can do much better than this. You put way too much in this bag.”

Me: “Oh, well, I’m actually taking the bus home today, so I am trying to fit everything into as few bags as possible, please.”

Bagger: *not listening, keeps unpacking and rearranging my items angrily* “You have to put these heavy frozen items in a different bag!”

Me: “Sorry, but I was putting them in this bag because it’s insulated, and since it’s so hot outside today I really don’t want them to melt while I’m on the bus.”

(I try to reach around him to put some chocolate into the insulated bag.)

Bagger: “No! Why would you put chocolate there?! These things are cold! Chocolate is warm! Don’t mix warm and cold things!”

Me: “But it’s so hot outside, it will melt unless I put it with the cold things…”

Bagger: “What are you saying? You don’t know what you’re doing. I will fix this for you!”

Me: *getting exasperated* “Please! I’m going home on the bus…”

(The cashier has been watching this whole time, looking at the bagger with increasing bewilderment. Finally, he speaks to the bagger, calmly and casually.)

Cashier: “Hey, man, I think she’s taking the bus. She just wants to put the cold stuff together and keep the chocolate from melting.”

Bagger: “Oh, okay.”

(Finally, he bags everything the way I have been asking, and then wanders off without another word.)

Cashier: “I’m so sorry about that!”

Me: “Thanks. I just hope I catch my bus!”

(I paid and ran out, making it to the bus stop just in time. I’m grateful that the cashier was on my side, but it was so frustrating that the bagger would not hear anything I said until the cashier repeated it! Thankfully, none of my groceries melted on the way home.)

Adorable Beats Annoying

, , , , , | Friendly | September 26, 2018

(After a long, busy morning, I have finally reached my lunch break. I have just settled into my favorite spot near the coat racks when one of the ladies who works in production appears. She is one of those small ladies with the face of a teenager and the heart of a child. She looks like she wants to go for her coat but seems a little hesitant to walk past me. Wanting to put her at ease so she’ll move along, I politely greet her. That seems to work as she becomes noticeably more calm and she continues on what she was doing. As she starts to leave, she stops and gets a silly grin on her face. She points off to the side of me.)

Lady: “There’s someone behind you.”

(I know for a fact there is a wall not three inches behind my back, so there clearly is no way there could be anyone there. It is pretty obvious that she is going for a “made you look” style prank. While I don’t like pranks, I figure getting annoyed at her for such a minor thing will do no one any good, and I am too tired from the morning shift I’ve just done to fight anything. Still, I don’t feel like letting her win.)

Me: “That’s nice, but if they want my spot, they are going to have to wait.”

(Despite not fooling me into looking, she continues to smile for some reason. She starts to leave, but then stops and quietly mumbles something I don’t pick up.)

Me: “What?”

Lady: *big smile* “I lied. There was nobody behind you. I fooled you.”

Me: *surprised* “Um… Oh. Okay.”

(With that, she left in a good mood and a spring in her step. I may have still ended up at the bum end of a prank, but I honestly can’t be mad here. In a way, she did actually get me. And it was honestly kind of adorable.)

The Location Of That Office Is Classified

, , , | Right | September 17, 2018

(I work as a reporter for a community newspaper, which has multiple papers throughout the county. Due to an effort to “centralize” everything, my office consists only of reporters and the circulation manager. Things like ads, classifieds, etc., are based out of our county flagship office, a good 25- to 30-minute drive from my office depending on traffic. We’re understaffed at the moment, as one of the two reporters out of this office recently quit and his replacement has yet to start, so I am literally the only person in the entire office most days. But we get almost no foot traffic here, so it isn’t usually a problem… Until today, when a little old woman comes in wanting to place a classified ad.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do ads here in this office, but if you wait one moment, I can get you the name and contact information for the classified department.”

(After pausing a moment to see if she’ll protest, I go back to my desk to do just that. Less than a minute later, I return with a name and direct phone number for a classified ads person.)

Woman: “I wanted to do this in person!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but like I said, we don’t do that in this office. It’s based in our [Location] office.”

Woman: “I could have called from home! I wanted to do this in person! I even called to make sure there was an office here before I came!”

Me: *thinking maybe she should have specified what she wanted to do at the office before confirmation* “I’m sorry for the inconvenience. It’s just reporters and circulation here, though, so I can’t help you.”

Woman: “At [Competitor] I can go down and we do it in person! They talk me through the whole process!”

Me: *thinking* “Then just go place a classified ad with them and leave me alone.” *speaking* “Again, I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

Woman: “This was such a difficult trip to come down here! I want to do this in person!”

(She then proceeded to steal two Post-It notes and a pen before hobbling away, grumbling about the awful trip to our downtown location with the best public transit in the county, assuming she uses that, and an elevator to come up to the floor our office is on, and how she wanted to do it in person and how I, personally, was making life so hard for her.)

 

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