Milk Sure Has Changed Since My Day

, , , , , , | Related | January 10, 2019

(My little brother is a toddler. The whole family has gone out for the day and we’ve stopped at a diner for dinner. Right next to the table my parents get, there is a little kids’ table where both my brothers sit. The waiter comes over to take our order. The kid is maybe eighteen.)

Waiter: “What would you like to drink?”

Brother: “Hmm… I would wike… a beer!”

Waiter: *blinks and side eyes my parents* “Um, does he mean root beer?”

Mom: “No. He thinks he wants a beer.”

Waiter: “Um, should I bring it to him?”

Mom: “No!” *looks at my brother* “You can have milk or apple juice.”

Brother: “Milk!”

(The waiter took the rest of our orders and left. We laughed. My brother really did want a beer, although it was just because he was mimicking my dad, as toddlers do. To this day, every so often when someone takes drink orders, someone will say, “I would wike… a beer!”)

This Sale Is Criminal!

, , , | Right | January 7, 2019

(A customer has been raising h*** over not getting the sale price on several bottles of the local wine; said sale ended two days ago. No matter what I try to do to explain she won’t hear it, and I eventually have to call over my manager.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but my cashier is correct. That sale was set by the company and ended on Sunday. It’s now Tuesday.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I couldn’t get here on Sunday! I spend more than enough here for you to make an exception!”

Manager: “Again, I’m sorry, but that cannot be done. The sale is ended; you can’t get the sale price.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not moving from here until I do, so you’ve got no choice!”

(She smugly folds her arms like she’s got us. My manager looks at the long line that’s behind her and takes a deep breath.)

Manager: “Very well, then, ma’am; have it your way.”

(He pulls out his phone and begins dialing.)

Customer: “Good, so you’re calling your corporate office to get me the sale price?”

Manager: “No, ma’am, I’m calling the police to have you removed from the store. If you’re going to be difficult and verbally aggressive, and prevent folk from buying their items, then I must remind you that I always have a choice in this situation, and that choice is to refuse you service!”

(The woman promptly loses her smug look as the manager stares dead at her.)

Manager: “Hello, I’m afraid I need you to send some officers over to—“ *begins to give our address*

Customer: “F*** YOU, YOU [GAY SLUR]!”

(She ran out of the store.)

Most G(r)eeks Know This

, , , , , | Learning | January 4, 2019

(My math teacher isn’t great. My two friends and I often sit off to the side of the class and do other homework while keeping an eye on her, because we are well ahead of this class and she is painfully slow in teaching the topics. On the bright side, she allows this because we do well in class. On the not-so-bright side, we’ve also had several disagreements with her about the accuracy of what she is teaching, most notably, her insistence that the constant pi is equal to 22/7 — not close to it, but equal to that exact value. In actuality, pi is not the same as any number, and famously requires lots of work to calculate ever more digits to be ever more precise. Most geeks know this, and all math teachers should. During two earlier incidents we’d given up trying to convince her she was wrong. On this particular day, she starts teaching the class about rational and irrational numbers. Rational numbers can be expressed by a ratio of integers — i.e. 22/7 — while irrational numbers cannot — i.e. pi. She starts putting down examples in two columns. As shown in the book, she puts pi in the irrational numbers category.)

Friend: “So… if pi is 22/7, that is a ratio of two integers. Why isn’t it listed as a rational number?”

(She looks flustered and thinks for a good thirty seconds, then erases pi and moves it to the rational numbers column.)

My Friends & Me: “Noooooo!”

(This suddenly became our Alamo, our line in the sand. We weren’t giving up this time. It took us another fifteen minutes of arguing to finally convince her that while pi was approximated as 22/7, this wasn’t its actual value. We had to dig through some extra textbooks she had in her cabinets to find an earlier textbook that stated this explicitly and simply in a single sentence in order to convince her, but she finally admitted she was wrong. The reason she had so many spare textbooks sitting in her cabinets? She was the head of the math department and they were samples from publishers. Also, this was the honors class.)

I’m Currently Paying Zero; Can You Do Better?

, , , , , | Working | January 3, 2019

(This is an actual conversation I had on the phone.)

Me: “Hello?”

Representative: “Hello. I’d like to help you save money on your car insurance! Is this a good time to talk?”

Me: “I don’t own a car; please take me off of your list.”

Representative: “But I can save you a lot of money on your insurance.”

Me: “No, you didn’t listen. I don’t own a car; therefore. I don’t have or need car insurance. Please take me off of your list.”

Representative: “But I can save you a lot of money.”

(We repeat this whole thing way too many times. Finally. I am furious.)

Me: “LISTEN TO ME! I have a medical condition that makes it impossible for me to drive a car. That means that I do not own a car. That further means that I do not have or need car insurance. Do not call me again!”

(I hung up. Literally one minute later they called back! Luckily, it was a different rep who actually listened.)


Getting Into The Holiday Spirit Is A Steal!

, , , , , | Right | December 25, 2018

(I have just clocked on for my closing shift. As my shift-lead-in-training and the manager teaching him are working on cleaning behind some of our food units, I am helping them. At the same time, this means I do not notice the woman who has just entered the building. However, my shift-lead-in-training does and alerts to me it.)

Shift Lead: “Hey [My Name], there is a woman at the register.”

Me: *quickly notes the woman in question, who is now walking away with an empty soda cup* “Ma’am?”

(She moves over to the soda machine, fills up her cup, and then takes her time with the lid. All of this is very normal, so I am content to wait at the register for her to come back over, as is custom. In the time I help two more people out, I watch her as she paces about slightly, adjusts her jeans, and never once looked back behind her. Normally, I would be watching someone by this point, anyway, as we tend to get a lot of odd ones, given we’re in the middle of downtown Seattle. Suddenly this woman starts to make her way towards the door.)

Me: *louder* “Ma’am! I can ring that up for you.”

Woman: *stops, turns slowly and looks at me*

Me: *smiles*

Woman: “Why are you trying to STOP ME?” *raising her voice and taking large steps closer to me with every word* “I am POOR. It’s almost Christmas. LET. ME. HAVE. THIS.”

(My shop is normally very giving; we understand people have hard times. But all we ask is that people are honest and upfront with us about it; that way we can work something out with them. But this woman does none of that; she outright attempts to steal from us.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

Woman: *narrows her eyes at me and glares*

Me: “Ma’am, I am only doing my job, and I have to ring you up for that soda. I don’t have the power to just let you walk out of here with that cup.”

(She keeps glaring at me. Knowing she won’t listen to me, I know there is only one option left, since I’m “low” on the chain of command.)

Me: “Let me see what my manager says.”

(I turn and walk a few steps back and explain to my shift lead that she just tried to walk out of here without paying. Having heard and seen the situation, he realizes it’s not worth trying to make the woman pay the $2.25 she would owe us, so I’m given the okay to let her go. The entire time, the woman has been very nasty and rude with me, I might add.)

Me: *walks back* “He said you’re good to go.” *returns to my register to help someone*

Woman: *overly cheerful voice that makes it seem like I’ve been nothing but a bully* “Oh, THANK YOU, KIND SIR! Thank you so much! Merry Christmas to you!”

(Later when I explained the entire ordeal to my general manager and then coworkers, they just sort of shook their heads and told me if she came back they would have security escort her out. Happy holidays, I guess?)

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