A Doll That Makes You Act Like A Baby

, , | Right | July 16, 2013

(I work in a high-end doll store. We have two types of doll: dolls based off characters with books and stories, and more customizable, ‘look-alike’ dolls that girls can get to look like themselves. One of our character dolls is a very popular limited-edition doll, and has sold out a few weeks before Christmas.)

Customer: “Hey! Where’s [limited edition doll]?”

Me: “She’s actually sold out; I’m very sorry.”

Customer: “Than I’ll order one! She’ll be here by Christmas, right?”

Me: “She’s actually sold out company-wide; we don’t have any left in any of our stores or online. Since she’s limited edition, we won’t be getting in any more.”

Customer: *tearing up* “But my granddaughter looks just like that doll!”

Me: “Well, we do have another doll; she’s a look-alike doll and looks almost identical to [doll].”

Customer: “But my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

Me: “This doll will look like your granddaughter, too! She has the exact same color and length hair, and the exact same color eyes, and the exact same skin tone as (doll).”

Customer: *crying* “But my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

Me: “The only difference is the face shape.”

(I show her the different face shapes, and how they compare.)

Customer: “I don’t see the difference.”

Me: “Exactly! And this doll comes wearing a different outfit than [doll].”

Customer: “I don’t care about the outfit… but my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

(I finally convince her to go to the other department to at least LOOK at the other, nearly identical doll. The customer is sobbing ‘but my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!’ the whole way.)

Coworker: “Did you just make a grown woman cry over a doll?”

Me: “Yep, first world problems.”

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Pot Calling The Kettle Back

, , , | Right | February 24, 2011

(A client is on the phone. They are well-known for calling several times a day.)

Client: “Is [Attorney] there? I need to speak with him. It’s urgent!”

Me: “He is unavailable, but he told me he will call you as soon as he can.”

(Fifteen minutes later…)

Client: “I need to speak with [Attorney] right now!”

Me: “He can’t talk with you right now. He will call when he can.”

(Fifteen minutes later…)

Client: “Can I speak with [Attorney] now?”

Me: “No, he is in the middle of something, but he will call you when he can.”

Client: “You know, you are starting to sound like a broken record!”

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Life Is Stranger Than Fiction, Part 2

, , , , | Right | January 24, 2011

Customer: “I’m looking for a book. Something about glass. Breaking glass?”

Me: “Well, do you know if it’s fiction or nonfiction?”

Customer: “Sorry. What?”

Me: “Is it real or imaginary?”

Customer: “I mean, it’s real. How do you imagine a book? Is that what audiobooks are?”

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The Great Emancipator Died Sooner Than Later

, , , , , | Right | November 1, 2010

(I work at a historic site from the American Civil War. I am talking to a seven-year-old child.)

Small Child: “Who shot President Lincoln?”

Me: “He was shot by a Southern sympathizer named John Wilkes Booth.”

Small Child: “But why did he want to kill the president?”

Me: “Well, the North and the South were at war, and Booth thought that if he killed President Lincoln, it might help the South win.”

Small Child: “Oh… So, were you here when it happened?”

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Models Are Always Catty

, , , , | Right | July 26, 2010

(A couple is holding at a kitten and waiting in line at a closed register.)

Me: “Hi, would you like to buy this cat?”

Customer: “I was wondering if I could get this in a different color?”

Me: “Well, we have many different colors of kittens. If you’ll come with me I can show you some others we have.”

Customer: “Well, I mean I want this model kitten, but in a different color.”

Me: “Well, kittens don’t really work that way. They have all different fur patterns and colors.”

Customer: “Yes. I want this fur pattern but a different color!”

Customer’s husband: “Sweetie, I think she’s trying to say that the kittens will look different no matter what.”

Customer: “If she wanted to sell me something, she would look for the right model kitten! This is terrible service! How dare they! Honey, we’re going to a different pet store!”

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