(I work in a building that is half office spaces and half warehouse. Most of the warehouse staff does not have a work computer of their own to use like those of us in the office area. One of our new VPs sends out a company-wide email with important updates and forms regarding our company’s health insurance. At the end is this gem:)

Email: “If you do not have access to a computer please contact a supervisor to review this information.”

(I am one of few girls who work at my depot, and sometimes my male coworkers like to tease me. It’s all in good fun, and I give as good as I get. On this particular day, I am the only girl working.)

Customer: “You go, girl! Stand up to those bullying guys!”

Me: “Oh, you bet. It’s hard being the only girl sometimes, y’know?” *obviously joking*

Customer: “You know what you should do?”

Me: “What, sir?”

Customer: “You should get them really drunk, wait until they fall asleep…” *dramatic pause*

Me: “…and?”

Customer: “Nail their foreskins to the floor!”

Me: “Umm…”

Customer: “Trust me; it’ll work!”

Me: “Ha… hahaha.”

Customer: “Nah, I’m just joking with you… or am I?” *leaves*

(A few minutes later, my coworker comes up to me and asks why I look so horrified. I tell him what happened, and he responds with:)

Coworker: “So, would that make them floorskins?”

(My dad is a truck driver for a company that has offices and a warehouse on site. The warehouse worker’s canteen is inside the warehouse but away from the loading and unloading bays. My dad and his workmates are having lunch when a man in a hard hat and carrying a clipboard comes in. They don’t recognise him but he has a shirt on with the logo of the company.)

Man: “I’m the new health and safety officer here, guys, and I wanted to let you all know that as of now, you are all in breach of this site’s safety regulations as you are not wearing your hard hats in the warehouse.”

(My dad and his coworkers are a bit surprised by this but don’t say anything. The guy looks annoyed by this.)

Man: “I’m serious, guys! There are consequences when you don’t follow the rules; it can get you suspended or even fired. All of your attitudes are terrible. You should be grateful that I’m telling you this now, so you can avoid being written up for violations.”

(My dad raises his hand.)

Man: “Yes?”

Dad: “Are those steel toe cap boots you have on?”

(He points to the man’s shoes, which are clearly just black loafers.)

Man: “Of course not.”

Dad: “You have to have steel toe cap boots on when you are in the warehouse.”

Man: “Oh.”

Dad: “You should be grateful I’m telling you this. You could get written up for violations.”

Man: “Well, never mind. We are in the canteen after all.”

Dad: “Since you’re new, you can get us all a coffee.”

Man: “But there are 12 of you.”

Dad: “Well, use a tray, then. Safety first!”

(Needless to say, he didn’t stay long in the job.)

Coworker: “I’m sixteen and I’m still the most mature person in this warehouse.”

(Not even fifteen minutes later:)

Coworker: *touching a component of the machine we need to do any work* “Hey, do you guys dare me to unplug this?”

(My job is in a small wardrobe room for a business and I do the closing shift alone most nights. I recently had a minor surgery on my left arm and was told not to lift anything heavy with it for a few days to allow the incision to heal. My supervisor was informed of this ahead of time and I remind him of it, as well, when I come into work for the day.)

Me: “I can do the regular work; I just can’t lift any of the boxes or really heavy things for the next three days.”

Supervisor: “Okay, we’ll work around it.”

(Five minutes later.)

Supervisor: “Oh, they decided they want to repaint the room after we close tonight. Since you’re closing, I need you to move all the racks to the center of the room, and take all the things off the computer desks to the center table.”

(This includes several desktop computers, printers, and heavy heat presses. I point at my bandaged up arm.)

Supervisor: “Can’t you just lift them with one arm?”