Might End Up With Another Drive To The Hospital

, , , , , | Learning | October 18, 2018

(In Massachusetts, if you are under 18 and want to get your license, you are legally required to take a driver’s education course that includes both classroom instruction and driving with an instructor in the car. My experience with the classroom instruction portion is pretty normal, and my instructor is very professional…. until I get behind the wheel with her. As I’m driving, she receives a phone call. Suddenly, she is having a loud, animated discussion in a foreign language on her cell phone. She periodically pulls away to give me directions, but then continues on her rant. Luckily, I’ve driven with my parents prior to this, so it’s not my first time on the road, but it’s still unsettling. After several minutes, the instructor finally hangs up her cell phone. She turns to me and says:)

Instructor: “I’m sorry, but I need to cut your lesson short today. I will give you priority on rescheduling and a discount, honey. We need to get back to the driving school; my idiot sister is in the hospital.”

Me: “Oh, no. I’m so sorry. I totally understand. Is she okay?”

Instructor: “She’s a moron! She told me she sprayed perfume in her vagina because it smelled bad, and now she has a very serious infection!”

(I slam on the brakes. The instructor looks at me with a surprised expression.)

Instructor: “Why did you do that? You’ve been doing perfect this whole time!”

(I take a breath.)

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s just that I feel like that’s a really personal issue. I’m only 16 and don’t have too much driving experience, and you being on the phone, and then sharing that detail with me is very inappropriate.”

Instructor: “Geez, you’re the one who asked if she was okay.”

(I asked for a different instructor to do the rest of my driving hours.)


A Hot Slice Of Confusion

, , , , , | Right | August 6, 2018

Customer: “Excuse me, but you’re out of cooked pizzas out front. Are you making any more today?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am! As a matter of fact, if you look behind me here, you’ll see that my coworker is slicing some fresh pizzas right now!”

(I point right at my coworker standing right next to a tall rack of pizzas. The customer goes wide-eyed.)

Customer: “So, you’re not making any more?!”

Has Beef With Your Bologna

, , , , | Right | May 7, 2018

Coworker: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’d like a pound of bologna, please.”

Coworker: “Would you like the German bologna or the beef?”

Customer: “Oh, there are kinds? Hmm… I guess, then, my son probably likes the beef!”

Coworker: “Would you like me to give you a slice so your son can try it to make sure first?”

Customer: “No, I’m sure, just a pound of the beef bologna.”

(My coworker shows the thickness of the first slice for the customer’s approval and once again offers the slice for her son to try. Yet again the customer declines. After the pound is sliced up and the bag is handed to the customer, the customer opens the bag and hands a slice to her son, who takes a small nibble, scrunches his face, and gives the slice back to his mother.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess it’s the German he likes. Here, can you take this pound back and give me a pound of the German?”