Suddenly, It Clicked

, , , , | Romantic | January 27, 2020

(I’m staying at my ex-partner’s house for the weekend early in the new year. Despite the breakup earlier this year, we’re still friends, and I enjoy spending time with them, their family, and especially their dogs: two miniature dachshunds, Rosie — aged two and a half years — and Henry — aged 13 months. One evening, as most are winding down for bed, I find a random plastic toy on the sofa’s armrest next to me. I tend to fidget with random objects, keeping my hands occupied while I watch stuff online. So, naturally, I start clicking the button on the random plastic toy. A few minutes later, my ex-partner comes down and grabs my attention.)

Ex-Partner: “Are you playing with the clicker?”

Me: “The what now?”

Ex-Partner: “The plastic clicker. It’s used to train the dogs.”

Me: “You can hear that?!”

Ex-Partner: “A: yes. B: it’s driving Rosie mad. She doesn’t know what she did wrong!”

(I quickly apologized, though my partner wasn’t angry with me, since I had no way of knowing what the random toy was. We’re still close friends, and I personally found the whole incident funny. I could practically hear the “womp-womp” music in the back of my head!)

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Unfiltered Story #180844

, , | Unfiltered | January 6, 2020

(I work for a large retail company in the UK. I work the late shift and help close the store. today I had just pulled everything in and it was bang on closing the lights had dimmed inside and a customer just came round the corner of his van in the car park and I explain we are closed and he walks back to the Van. I think nothing of it an lock up the doors and put the shutter down and carry on as it was stock count night.

I look out the window a minute later and the guy has moved his van closer to the entrance got out and tried to walk in stood there staring at the doors walking back and forth a little then walked back to the Van. a few of us saw him and I gave them the rest of the story.

What Would They Want With A Real One?!

, , , | Right | December 17, 2019

(I work in a VERY touristy area of Wales. We speak fluent Welsh, English, and “Tourist.”)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “You’re going to think I’m crazy, but do you sell sheep droppings? I’ve seen them in shops around here before!”

Me: “Um… ma’am, actual ones or chocolate ones?”

Customer: “Oh! I hadn’t thought! I just saw boxes of sheep droppings the last time I was up this way. I have friends coming from New Zealand and I need to prove the Welsh are crazier about sheep than their lot are!”

Me: “Um. I’m gonna go safe and say you’re definitely thinking of the chocolate ones.”

(I gave her the directions to a major “tourist tat” retail outlet in the next town along.)

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This Is A Local Shop For Local People

, , , | Right | December 17, 2019

(I volunteer for a local charity who just took over a shop from another local charity who went bust six months ago. My wife is the manager. The name of the charity has the county in it.)

Customer: “Is [Employee] here?”

Me: “No, sorry, we’re a new shop now and there are only the three of us at the moment.”

Customer: “So, what charity is running it now?”

Me: “[Charity].”

Customer: “And what do they do?”

Me: “Support homeless people in the area.”

Customer: “Well, they’re not local, are they! They all come here!”

(She stormed out, I stood there dumbfounded and then managed to get out, “That was a bit harsh,” while my wife laughed.)

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It’s Not Kerry Obvious

, , , | Right | November 16, 2019

(I work in a new call centre as customer service for a mobile phone network. Because the center is new, the teams are all fairly small, with only about five or six people in each. We already have a male member of staff called Ceri. After Ceri has been with us for a couple of months, we have a new team member called Kerry, but with the same surname as Ceri.)

Customer: “Can I speak to Ceri/Kerry, please?”

Staff: “Which one?”

Customer: “Ceri/Kerry on [team]?”

Staff: “Which one?”

Customer: “Ceri/Kerry [Surname].”

Staff: “Which one?”

Customer: “I don’t know. She asked me to—”

Staff: “Ah, female Kerry! I’ll transfer you now.”

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