(I am working concessions at the cinema. Company policy is that we put a certain amount of ice in every cup and then the fountain dispenses the right amount for that size cup. I have just handed a woman a large [Soda]. Note: We do sometimes top the drinks up a bit more, though we are not required to, as long as the customer is polite.)

Customer: “Excuse me, this is all ice.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we are required to put that much ice in unless asked otherwise.”

Customer: “Well, I want a new one with no ice.”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am.”

(I remake her drink for her.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this filled to the top?”

Me: “Our fountains automatically dispense the correct amount in to the cups.”

Customer: “But it’s nowhere near full. There was more in the other one.”

Me: “There is the same amount of [Soda] in both cups; the other one looks like more because of the ice.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I demand my drink for free!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I gave you what you paid for so I can’t give it to you for free.”

Customer: “This is so stupid.”

(The customer then pours her drink all over my counter and throws the cup at me.)

Customer: “Now get me another one and make it right.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am; that’ll be £3.29, then, please.”

Customer: “I’ve already paid for it!”

Me: “No, you paid for the one you just poured all over my counter. Since you purposely spilled it I am not required to replace it. If you want another drink you have to pay.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(She stormed out of the cinema. She complained about getting a £3.29 drink for free, but had no problem leaving without watching a film she paid £9.39 for.)

(I buy some leggings that are 50% off of the original price of £8. There is something wrong with the tills, so the cashiers have to work stuff out on calculators. I am dumbfounded when the girl starts using her calculator to figure out 50% of £8.)

Cashier: “Um… That’s £7.84, please.”

Me: “No, that’s not right.”

Cashier: “50% off is £7.84.”

Me: “No, it should be £4.”

(The cashier takes her calculator and shows me how she worked it out. She divided 800 by 50 and took the answer, 16, off the £8.)

Me: “That’s not how you work out percentages. 50% is half; half of 8 is 4.”

Cashier: *pauses* “I think you’re right, actually. Sorry. That’s £4, please.”

Related:

Not In The Top Percentile

(I work for a large energy firm servicing department. Everyone gets this type of call several times a day.)

Me: “Good morning, you’re through to [Company] and [Department]. How can I help?”

Customer: “My fireplace isn’t working.”

(I go over security details and they pass, and we proceed to pull up a calendar for repair appointment.)

Me: “Okay, sir, the earliest available appointment is two days from now between 12:00 and 6:00 pm.”

Customer: “Have you got anything sooner?”

Me: “No, sir, two days is the earliest appointment, 12:00 until 6:00 pm.”

Customer: “Okay, I guess I’ll take the morning, then.”

Me: “Sir, the next appointment is two days from now in the afternoon, or three days from now in the morning. If you prefer a morning, you will have to wait until the third day or I will book you in for the afternoon.”

Customer: “Well, that isn’t very good. Why can’t I get an appointment in the morning for two days time?”

Me: “Because we work on a live system with limited staffing for repairs. If we have a high volume of breakdowns in your area, it is mainly first-come, first-serve.”

Customer: “I pay £35 a month for this agreement. Can’t you cancel someone else’s appointment?”

Me: “In the interest of equality, we do not cancel appointments to book in other customers; that is company policy.”

Customer: “I don’t care; I want an appointment in the morning.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, that is not a possibility, and due to it being a live system, if I do not book you an appointment now it may be gone soon.”

Customer: “Fine! Don’t know why I pay for this service.”

Me: “Because if you didn’t, it could be anything up to $400 or more for each repair and a wait of up to a week or more, sir.”

(We resolve the call and they hang up.)

Coworker: “So, no mornings, then?”

Me: “Don’t get me started!”

(It’s the first day of school, and we have a new teacher.)

Me: *to friend* “I’m not so sure about Miss [New Teacher].”

Friend: “Yeah, she’s a bit strict.”

New Teacher: *writes a Dumbledore quote on the board*

Me: “I will do well here.”

(I sign up for a tour group that, in this story, is in Wales to tour Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, a town famous for its long name. This tour group takes you around Europe for the summer. In order to join, you have to have something on you that says where you’re from. To do that, I carry around a backpack with an American flag on it. Most in the group are amazing and I still keep in touch with them, but there are two in the group who are downright rude to me. One is a boy who wears a British flag jacket, and the other is a girl who wears a French flag necklace. We stop at one of the restaurants to take a break from walking, and we get on the conversation about healthcare.)

Me: “Well, my country has pretty okay hospitals and all that, just a bad plan. I wish we could put more money into the budget, but most of the money has to go to the military.”

British Guy: “Wait, why? So you could take more for your empire?”

Me: “What? No, we do it to protect other countries.”

French Woman: “Yeah, sure, you guys say that, and then you always get involved in other’s affairs. Why don’t you just keep your nose out of other people’s business?”

(It’s at this point that somebody else in the group, a Jewish man wearing an Israeli flag pin on his shirt, speaks up.)

Israeli Man: “Probably because the last few times they tried to ignore Europe, two world wars happened.”

(That shut the two of them up, though of course they didn’t stay that way. But whenever they tried to insult me, the Israeli and a few others would speak up, until the two finally left me alone. Don’t worry; other than them, the people in those countries were very nice and polite. I had a blast in Europe!)