Another Tragic Hair Disaster

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2010

(The phone rings five minutes before the end of the school day.)

Parent: *very distressed* “You’ll have to help me! Please help!”

Me: “What on Earth has happened? How can I help?”

Parent: “It’s an emergency! There’s been a disaster! You have to help me!”

Me: “Calm down and tell me what has happened. I’ll do my best to help”.

Parent: “I can’t get there to pick up [Her Child]. It’s an emergency!”

Me: “Don’t worry about her. I’ll keep an eye on her here at school. She can come home with me if need be. Is there anything else I can do? What has happened?”

Parent: “It’s my hair! It’s turned out orange!”

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Download A Brain While You’re At It

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2010

Me: “So, you want me to hook up this computer to the Internet?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay! First thing’s first: where’s the modem or router so I can connect the computer to the net?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “You don’t have one?”

Customer: “I thought you could download a modem off the Internet for me.”

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When Facts Are Not Immediately A-Parent

, , , , | Right | April 20, 2010

(I am working behind the counter. The only other people in the shop are a woman and a small boy. The boy is rushing about, shouting and being boisterous. This goes on for several minutes.)

Customer: “Why don’t you tell that child to stop running around?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought he was with you.”

Customer: “He is.”

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You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2

, , , , | Right | March 28, 2010

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m after some Durex.”

Me: “Durex? I’m sorry, we don’t sell Durex.”

Customer: “Not even for toys?”

Me: “For toys?”

Customer: “Duracell! Duracell batteries!”

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When Presumptions Meet Postmodernism

, , , , , | Right | February 18, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to get this DVD for my son.” *hands me a copy of Watchmen*

Me: “How old is your son, ma’am?”

Customer: “Five.”

Me: “Sorry, this film isn’t suitable for your son.”

Customer: “But it’s about superheroes! How can a film about superheroes be unsuitable for kids?”

Me: “There is a scene where one of the heroes cuts a man’s head in half with a meat cleaver.”

Customer: “What, are they thick or something? How could you put that in a kid’s film?”

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