Retail Abhors A Vacuum

, , , , , | Working | September 5, 2018

(It’s the first week of my first job: a closing shift on a Friday.)

Supervisor: “Grab the vacuum from the back and clean the store while I close one of the registers.”

(You know how you vacuum your house? You methodically clean the entire floor, making sure to overlap so you get everything. Well, after about ten minutes of me cleaning and getting about ten feet, a coworker comes over to show me how you vacuum in retail.)

Coworker: “Only clean the big stuff. If it looks clean, it is clean. This should only take you ten minutes for the whole store.”

Me: *embarrassed* “Oh, I gotcha.”

(None of us realized how naive I was until that moment. They made sure to explain the tasks for me if I hadn’t done them before from then on.)

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Hello From The Cheddar Side

, , , , , | Right | May 10, 2018

(I have just started at a sandwich chain. After a week, I start doing overnight shifts. This customer’s order starts off normal. They want their sandwich basic, with a different cheese on each side, and minus one veggie. The two cheeses are easy to tell apart, as one is bright yellow and the other is white.)

Me: “And what would you like on this, ma’am?”

Customer: “I would like a little of everything except spinach on the Swiss cheese side, please.”

(I start off by putting spinach on cheddar side.)

Customer: “I want that on the cheddar side.”

Me: *puzzled look* “Ma’am, that is the cheddar side.”

Customer: “Yes, and I want it on that side.”

(I try putting it on the other side, thinking they’re confused on the cheeses somehow.)

Customer: “THE. CHEDDAR. SIDE.”

(I put it back on cheddar side. I am at a total loss at this point.)

Customer: “See? That wasn’t so hard, now, was it?”

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Make Your Blood Run Cold

, , , , , , , | Romantic | October 31, 2017

(My boyfriend has a German Shepherd who, while playing at the dog park, cut his paw on something. We are looking at the injury on our bed, trying to keep the dog calm.)

Me: “Here, let me take the blanket off the bed so he doesn’t stain it.”

Boyfriend: “Thanks, babe.”

Me: “No problem. I have dealt with plenty of blood in my life, and I know how hard it is to get stains out of fabric.”

Boyfriend: *looks up at me in horror*

Me: “I menstruate.”

Boyfriend: “Oh…”

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