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And These People Vote… Literally

, , , | Right | May 27, 2025

It is the day of a US Presidential election, and my job is to walk the line to make sure everyone has everything they need to be able to successfully vote. I’ve just checked on two ladies in the line.

Me: “Okay, it looks like you’re all set. Have a nice day!”

I’m about to check the next people in line when they stop me.

Voter #1: “Excuse me, I have one more question. What is Trump?”

Me: “Uh…”

Voter #2: “She means star sign.”

Me: “Oh! Uh… well, his birthday is June 14, so…”

Voter #1: “Ooh! Gemini! And Kamala?”

Me: “I actually don’t know—”

Voter #2: *On her phone.* “She’s a Libra, hun.”

Voter #1: “Hmm, so I have to choose between a Gemini and a Libra? Ugh. That’s so hard.”

Voter #2: “I know! I wish we had more to go on…”

They were being completely serious…

We Vote Against Fake News

, , , , , | Right | December 4, 2024

I work at an early voting station. The way the system works here is that every party has their own ballots. You vote by picking a ballot for the party of your choice, put it in a sealed envelope, and hand it to an election worker who will let you watch them put it in the urn.  

There’s a more involved process for early voting, but that’s not the point of this story. 

One afternoon, there’s not much going on, so my fellow election workers and I try to keep ourselves busy. We sharpen pencils, make sure everything is nice and tidy in the voting booths, we re-fill ballots that are running low. 

A gentleman walks in and announces he wants to vote. I direct him to one of the voting booths to fill in his ballot. He walks up to one of them and spends a moment there, but then seems to change his mind and moves on to the next booth. I don’t think much of it at first – the booths are different heights so maybe he thought the first one was uncomfortable or something? 

A new group of voters come into the room and I’m explaining the process to them when the man comes out from the second booth.

Man: “Where are the ballots for [Party]?”

Me: “In the ballot stand with all the others.”

Man: “There aren’t any ballots in here. You threw them away, didn’t you? This is election fraud! I’m going to put it on the internet!”

Me: “Actually…”

Man: *Turning to the group of voters waiting for their turn.* “Do you see how the country works these days? They’re all cheaters and frauds!”

Me: “Please quiet down. I personally re-filled all the ballots just before you got here. The only person who has been in those booths since then is you.”

Man: “But… I mean…”

Me: “So would you like me to put out new ballots again, or would you prefer to use the ones in your pocket?”

The man sputters but can’t come up with a good answer. Instead, he walks out, bulging pockets and all. I replace the ballots he took (there were plenty to spare) and go about my day.

However, the story doesn’t end there. The same evening, I’m checking Facebook, and in one of the local groups (you know the kind I’m talking about), I see a photo of a trash can full of (party) ballots. The poster is claiming this as ‘proof’ that the election workers are throwing out ballots to make it impossible to vote for (party). The post already has a few angry comments on it.

I’m debating with myself how to proceed to ensure this doesn’t spin out of control when another comment pops up.

Commenter: “Hi, [Man’s Name], are those the same ballots you stole from the voting station earlier today? I was there when the election worker caught you in the act.”

The post was very quickly removed, but thankfully not before I was able to screenshot it to give my supervisors for documentation.

No official complaint of election fraud was ever reported. That is, by the way, what you’re *supposed* to do if you’re ever a witness to that sort of thing instead of ‘putting it on the internet’.

D’Oh-bama Drama

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 24, 2024

I’m waiting in line to vote early. The very young man behind me, who had been laughing and joking with his friends, also in line with him, abruptly shouts out.

Man: “We’re all voting Mr Smithers for county treasurer, right?”

The woman overseeing the line, in a voice just like Roz from Monster’s Inc., says:

Line Overseer: “No Campaigning.”

Man: “But… Mr Smithers is a fictional character from The Simpsons.”

Line Overseer: *A bit more forcefully.* “No. Campaigning.”

Man: “But the County Treasurer isn’t even up for re-election right now.”

Line Overseer: “Still. No Campaigning.”

Man: “But.”

Suddenly she turns into a drill sergeant.

Line Overseer: “If you say one more word, I will have to ask you to leave the line, and you will not be voting here today, understood?”

Man: “Yes, ma’am”

He was silent for the rest of the wait in line, though his friends teased him mercilessly, trying to get him to say something and mocking him for letting ‘a woman tell him what to do’.”

I felt kinda bad for him. With a**holes like that as friends, who needs enemies?

Jerks And Taxes

, , , , , , | Right | June 29, 2023

It is election season, and I am volunteering at a voting booth. An older gentleman voter comes up to me.

Voter: “Which candidate means I pay less taxes?”

Me: “Well, that depends on a few factors, such as—”

Voter: “God! Just tell me which one! There are only two! I don’t care about any of that woke s*** or social s***; I just want to pay less tax. Which one is that gonna be?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Voter: “You’re supposed to help out the voters!”

Me: *Pointing* “The voting booth is that way. There, I helped.”

Voter: *Storming toward the booth* “You’re what’s wrong with this country!”