The Longest Shortlist

, , , , , , | Working | August 22, 2019

Where I work, we have several printers/scanners scattered throughout the building. Each one mainly serves the employees whose desks are closest. On the machines we had until a few weeks ago, each scanner had shortcuts for the email addresses of the employees who used it most frequently. We just recently got all the scanners replaced, and the new ones come with a general address book of the entire company and no scanner-specific shortcuts. A number of employees, myself included, found that irritating.

Then, one day, I discovered a way to use the “shortcuts” feature to make a short list of frequently-used email addresses on my nearest scanner. Certain that my other coworkers would appreciate this, I sent out a company-wide email letting people know that it was possible and I’d be happy to show them how. Multiple coworkers responded favorably. Then, one of the managers called me up and told me to let the IT guy handle adding any shortcuts, “so that he can put them on the server and they’ll be available on all printers.”

After about five minutes, I finally got her to understand that this would defeat the purpose of my idea, but she still failed to see what was so annoying about scrolling through several dozen names every time you scan. And her name isn’t at the top of the alphabet, she has to scroll, too.

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“Corporate” – A Scammer’s Least Favorite Word

, , , , , | Working | August 7, 2019

(I am temporarily answering the company phone for the receptionist when I get a call that, according to caller ID, comes from “Illegal scammer.” Slightly curious, I pick it up.)

Caller: “Is [Former Owner] there?”

Me: “No, he sold the company two years ago.”

Caller: “Is the current owner available?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “When will the owner be available?”

Me: “We’re owned by a company in Ohio. You can’t reach them with this number.”

Caller: “Oh, so you’re corporate owned. Thank you. You’ve been really helpful and really, really rude.” *click*

(I’ll concede that I was a little rude, since I was so thrown by the caller ID, but the way the caller talked you’d think I’d viciously cussed her out. Even weirder, she was perfectly friendly up until the sudden accusation of rudeness.)

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Caught You In A Confused State

, , , , , | Working | April 25, 2019

(I am walking out of my office just as another coworker is walking in. We nearly crash into each other.)

Me: “Hi, I’m solid.”

Coworker: “Hi, I’m liquid.”

(For weeks after that, he continued to greet me as “solid.”)

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This Design Holds No Quarter

, , , , , , | Working | January 4, 2019

(I have a coworker who is… not very observant.)

Coworker #1: “I don’t like the smaller eagle.”

Me: “Huh?”

(I look over and see her holding two quarters. One is an older-style quarter with a bald eagle on the back and the other is a California state quarter with an image of a man and a bird.)

Coworker #1: “This one has a smaller bird and it’s hard to see. This one has a bigger eagle. I like the bigger eagle. They must have changed the design. I don’t like the smaller eagle.”

Me: “Uh… that’s a state quarter. They’ve been around for a while.”

Coworker #1: “I like the bigger eagle. I don’t like the smaller eagle.”

(She walks over to another coworker who shares our office.)

Coworker #1: “They changed the eagle, see?”

Coworker #2: *focused on her computer* “Hmm?”

Coworker #1: “The eagle is bigger on this quarter and smaller on this one. They must have changed the design. I wonder what the date is.” *examines the older quarter* “1995. And…” *squints at the California quarter, then holds it out to me* “What does that say?”

Me: “2005.”

Coworker #1: “So, yeah, it’s a new design.”

Me: “That was thirteen years ago.”

Coworker #1: “Yeah, a new design!” *wanders out of the room*

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“Lovely” Left For Lunch, Link Up Later

, , , , , , | Working | February 17, 2018

(I am essentially the backup receptionist at my office, meaning that I take my work down to the reception desk and answer the company phone when the regular receptionist takes her lunch. Today, I get a rather interesting phone call. According to caller ID, the caller is a regular customer.)

Me: *picking up the phone* “Good afternoon, this is [Company].”

Caller: “Hello, lovely! How are you today?”

Me: *incredibly weirded out* “Um… Good. How are you?”

Caller: “Oh! Wrong lovely! Can you transfer me to [Coworker], please?”

Me: “Sure.”

Caller: “Not that you’re not lovely! I just… I should stop talking now.”

Me: *laughs* “One moment.” *I transfer him*

(I asked the receptionist later, and she said that that customer usually addresses her as “lovely.”)

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