Don’t Know Sandwich Way This Will Go

, , , | Right | August 12, 2019

(The franchise owners I work for recently bought another location from a fellow owner, and the store was shut down for about a month while we cleaned out the new place. I was transferred to the new store and promoted to shift manager. This is my third day in this new position. A customer ordered food ten minutes ago, and has come back to the counter.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “I just had the [food item]? You need to tell whoever made my order—”

Me: *internally freaking out that I have to deal with my first complaint*

Customer: “—that they need to go over to [Nearby Franchise Store still owned by aforementioned owner], and teach them how to make a sandwich!”

Me: “Well, thank you! I appreciate it.”

Customer: “You made my order? Best sandwich I’ve had at a [Store].”

(My bosses were thrilled to hear that we were doing a better job than the previous staff.)

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The Root Cause

, , , , | Working | August 9, 2019

(I’m attempting to purchase two four-packs of root beer, along with a couple of other items.)

Cashier: “Can I see your ID?”

Me: “For what?”

Cashier: *looks at the root beer for a moment after scanning it, not realizing that “Check ID” did not appear on the register display* “I thought it was beer.”

Me: “Well, that’s no worse than when I was at another store and they asked for my ID when I bought chocolate-covered cashews.”

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Unfiltered Story #159986

, , | Unfiltered | August 6, 2019

[I am standing in line behind three Catholic priests at a fast-food burger restaurant]

Priest 1: I think I’ll have a double cheeseburger combo.

Priest 2: That’s too much, I’ll just have the regular cheeseburger.

Me: Isn’t today Friday?

Priest 1 [pausing, then]: *sigh* I’ll have the fish sandwich combo.

Priest 2 & 3: Me, too.

[They step aside while their order is assembled. I then order.]

Me: I’ll have the double cheeseburger combo.

[All three priests look at me with a curious glare.]

Me: I’m Methodist.

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Bowel Moved To Action

, , , , | Healthy | August 4, 2019

(I am a junior volunteer at my local hospital with a decent amount of medical knowledge for my age stationed in the emergency room. As I am a freshly graduated high school student — and most volunteers are around my age — we aren’t really allowed to do much but answer call bells, put together blood draw tube sets, enter data, and, in my case, monitor the heart rate screen and alert nurses to abnormal changes. But this isn’t a story about an abnormal heart rate; this is a story of a complete doofus. I am coming back to Central from being over on North — two of the four sections of my ER — when I overhear this gem of a conversation.)

Doctor: *to a patient’s nurse* “We had [Patient] come in complaining of abdominal pain about an hour ago. [Hospital he was transferred from] suspects a small bowel obstruction, but he can’t think of anything to have caused it and said he was experiencing other symptoms.”

Nurse: “Was it?”

Doctor: “Well, considering his last meal was an entire jar of pickles and an extra-large bag of [Popcorn Brand], take a guess.”

(Spoiler alert, it was. Still my favorite story to date. I have no idea why that man thought it was a good idea to eat that in one sitting, and even less of an idea why he couldn’t figure out why he was feeling so bad.)

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Unfiltered Story #159879

, , | Unfiltered | August 4, 2019

Customer: Excuse me, where is lentils?

Me: What are those?

Customer: Where are those?! I just asked you.

Me: No, ma’am, WHAT are they? Beans, noodles?

Customer: They’re…LENTILS!

Me: Ok, I’m sorry, I do not know what those are. If you can tell me something about them, I could probably find them for you.

Customer: They are usually with the beans, in a bag (I internally face palm), BUT I CHECKED THERE!

Me: Ok, wait RIGHT HERE, I will be back in 30 seconds, I’m pretty sure I know where they are.

(Go to bean aisle, where she checked, there they are. Come back, she is gone. Walk a few aisles and finally find her.)

Me: ma’am, are these it?

Customer: About time, yes, where did you find them?

Me: (internal sigh) On the bean aisle (points to giant sign that says canned vegetables/beans)

Customer: No, I looked down there. (Walks away)