They Need An MFDA

, , , , | Friendly | June 15, 2017

(My friends and I are all big Harry Potter fans and love talking about the little details of the series — especially the darker ones. We’re currently finishing up lunch and waiting for the bell for next class to ring.)

Me: “Yeah, when you think about it, the love potions are pretty terrifying. One person has the ability to make you completely obsessed with them, consent or none, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Friend #1: “So true. Remember when [Character #1] accidentally ate those chocolates [Character #2] spiked?”

Friend #2: “And the worst part is no one batted an eye. She bought them at a joke shop for God’s sakes. The stuff isn’t regulated at all!”

Friend #1: “It’s kind—”

Friend #3: *who’s been mostly silent but is now shouting enthusiastically* “DATE RAPE DRUGS! *scurries off to class just as the bell rings*

That Kind Of Thinking Is Out Of Line

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2017

(I am manning a self-checkout area with eight registers, three of which are down with mechanical problems. A line is forming six or seven people deep waiting to get into self-checkout. Meanwhile, several regular registers nearby are open, some of which have one or two customers, and some which are completely empty.)

Me: *announcing to the line* “Folks, self-checkout is a little backed up right now, but there are several other registers open that may be able to check you out faster.”

Customer: *fifth in line* “But they have lines!”

How To Hack A Generation

, , , , | Learning | June 8, 2017

(It’s my last day of student teaching with a group of amazing sixth graders that I’ve been with all year. They’re playing on their Chromebooks after taking a test, when one of my favorite students comes up to me with his computer.)

Student: “I want to show you something that I’m really proud of but I’m not sure I should.”

Me: “It’s my last day. I won’t get you in trouble.”

(He’s shown me before that he found a way around the school firewalls, and I’ve told him repeatedly that as long as he doesn’t do anything illegal I don’t care.)

Student: “Okay.”

(He sets down his Chromebook and types something in, then shows me the screen, which has a picture of the sixth grade hallway on it. I figure he’s been using his Chromebook as a camera, until the student sitting at one of the lockers moves.)

Me: “Wait, is this the camera feed?”

Student: *very proud of himself* Yep!”

(He shows me several other cameras, then the Google document where he has all the IP addresses for each camera listed, along with a label, and the password and name information for both the school’s camera system AND the intercom system.)

Me: *stunned silence*

Student: “And look, this is the outside camera.”

(He shows me the front door cameras and explains how the grid on the screen reacts to movement and takes pictures of any car that pulls up.)

Me: *sits in stunned silence before cracking up* “Oh, my god, you’re a hacker!”

Student: *still incredibly proud* “Yep!”

Me: “You’re going to be in charge of your senior prank. You realize this, right?”

Student: “I already have some great prank ideas!”

Me: “As long as you don’t do anything illegal, I won’t say anything.”

Student: “I know.”

(He went back to his desk, perfectly happy with his rule-breaking. I don’t think I’ll ever cease being surprised by middle-schoolers!)

Eating Them Was A Missed-Steak

, , , , | Right | June 4, 2017

(A customer hands me an empty, smelly meat package that once held a value pack of steaks.)

Customer: “I would like to return this steak. It was awful and grainy.”

Me: “Ma’am, there must me a product to return in order for me to process it. There are no steaks in this package.”

Customer: “I know. We ate them. But they were awful.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you did not like the steaks, but we must at least have a significant unused portion to process a return.”

Customer: “But we ate them. We didn’t like them and I want my money back. I don’t know why you are giving me a hard time. I am a customer and I am not satisfied!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I cannot process a refund based on an empty food wrapper.”

Customer: “Who is the manager here? I want to speak with a manager!”

Me: “I am the manager.” *points to name tag*

(The customer struggled for a moment with what to say.)

Customer: “I’m calling corporate!”

Me: “Okay. Have a nice day.”

Unfiltered Story #89008

, | Unfiltered | June 3, 2017

It’s my first day working box office by myself. I had two training days and I was given an easy Wednesday night as my first shift. The entire night goes by quickly and without issue. I sell barely 200 tickets for an entire 8 hour stretch. The last show we have starts at 10:30 and we stop selling tickets at 11. At 10:45, a family of 17 people come in. Their “leader” walks up to the box office window.

Customer 1: [Speaking very broken English with a heavy Romani accent] 12 ticket to see …

He then breaks away, speaking what I assume is an Eastern European language to someone else.

Customer 2: [Better English, but still very heavy accent] Do you have any horror film?

Me: We currently are not showing any horror. Closest we have is [action film].

Customer 1: [Language] [Film title] [Language] [Forced laughter] [Film title again] [Language] 12 ticket to [comedy film]

Me: Sir. That film is rated R, and your group seems to be made up of many children, and also, I count 17, not 12.

Customer 1: No no no. [He then starts pointing at the children, who are running around and trying to hide their numbers, while he is counting them out and gets to 14.] I’m sorry. 14. 14 ticket.

Me: Sir. You still have too many children to see the film. You have to be 5 or older to get into an R rated film.

Customer 2: They are 5 and up.

Not wanting to argue at this point, I shrug, ring up at 14, just to get them out of my hair and hope that my manager doesn’t find out.

They then spend 10 minutes getting food for the film already 30 minutes into playing.

When they enter the theatre, all of them end up causing so much of a noise that people demand a refund, and the group is kicked out of the theatre.

My brother, who used to work at the theatre and now works as a manager of a theatre further North hears about this.

Brother: So I see you met the Gypsies.

Me: Are they a common problem?

Brother: Large group. Eastern European. Lies about how many. Always come in very late. Always ask for Horror. Usually end up disrupting a place. And then they’ll come in later and demand a refund saying they had to leave before the film was over. We get them all the time up here. That’s the furthest south we’ve heard of them ever going.

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