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Becoming The Butt Of An Insult-To-Injury Situation

, , , , , | Healthy | June 27, 2020

My dad served in Vietnam between 1969 and 1972. During this time, he saw many of his fellow soldiers injured.

One drew the lucky straw in a firefight and wasn’t fatally injured. The bullet went in one side and out the other side — of his buttocks.

While he was laid up in the hospital, my dad and a few friends visited him.

They all very solemnly entered the guy’s hospital room and very seriously informed him that the doctors had told them that the patient’s bottom was going to have to be amputated due to the injury.

But they were going to get him a nice wooden replacement from the resident local crafters, all shiny and polished, with a belt to hold it on. And they might even be able to afford a pink plastic one for Sundays!

About that time, the patient cottoned on that this was a prank.

Dad and his friends managed to duck out before the bedpan hit them.

Family Isn’t Quite Dripping With Consideration

, , , , , , | Related | August 16, 2018

(This story happens during a one-month holiday in Vietnam, where we are staying with my mum’s side of the family. I’m about twelve, and skinny as a twig, despite having a bottomless pit for a stomach. My mum has become convinced that something is medically wrong with me. After seeking some medical advice, she brings home an IV drip that is somehow supposed to bring me to a healthy weight. To this day, I have no idea where she got it from. I don’t know if she went to an actual doctor, or some kind of alternative, “holistic” medical practitioner, but she makes me lie down and get fed by the IV drip for several hours. I’m very uncomfortable throughout this whole ordeal, but finally it’s over and I think that’s the end of it. Cut to the next week:)

Mum: “Okay, time for you to lie down again. You need some more of the medicine.”

Me: “What? I’m not doing it again! Last time was awful!”

Mum: “If you don’t get the medicine, you’re not going to get better!”

Me: “What’s even in that thing? Do you even know?”

Mum: “It’s just nutrients; it’s good for you! Stop being a baby and lie down!”

Me: “How many more times do I have to do this?”

Mum: “Just this one time, and that’s it!”

Me: “You said that last time!”

(At this point, my entire family decides to get involved. My uncle and my nanna side with my mum and try to convince me to move from the bedframe I’m sitting on to the big bed where the IV drip is. My mum is being as vague and contradicting as ever, which does nothing to allay my suspicions. I don’t know how much my dad knows what is going on, but maybe — I’m hoping, anyway — he is okay with it all because he knows that the contents of the drip are harmless. In any event, he ultimately gets very flustered with the argument that’s becoming more and more heated, so he comes up and grabs my arm.)

Dad: “Come on, [My Name]. It’ll be fine and it won’t take long.”

Me: “I don’t want to!” *struggles and falls*

(I fall off the bedframe and somehow land VERY awkwardly, with my left arm hitting the floor first. As I get up, I immediately feel a pain in that arm.)

Me: *holding my arm* “Something’s wrong. It hurts.”

Uncle: “Now you’re just being a baby. Quit whining and get on the bed.”

Me: “My arm hurts!”

Dad: “Okay, enough. She really doesn’t want to do it; she doesn’t have to.”

(There is some protest from my family, but my dad will hear no more of it and they finally leave me alone. An hour or so later, the pain in my arm has not subsided; if anything, it’s gotten worse.)

Me: “Dad, I think something’s really wrong with my arm. It’s still hurting. I think it might be broken.”

(My primary school bully broke my other arm once before in grade four, so I know what a broken arm feels like.)

Dad: “Are you sure?”

Me: “It really hurts.”

Uncle: “She’s just wanting attention and trying to make us all feel bad for earlier. If it was really broken, she’d be crying.”

Me: *angrily* “I’m not lying. It actually really hurts!”

(My dad looks worried, and there is another short argument between my family, but ultimately we all pile in a car and drive to a nearby hospital. The entire trip, my uncle rolls his eyes about it being a waste of time, and says I’m just being manipulative, but my dad believes me, and even my mum is worried enough that she wants to make sure. We get to the x-ray room and I get my x-ray done.)

Me: *explaining to the x-ray technician* “…so, my dad tried to pull me up off the bed, and I ended up falling off and landing on my arm. I think it might be broken.”

Uncle: *scoffing* “She’s just trying to give us all a scare. It’s all for attention—”

Technician: *interrupting him* “Well, according to these x-rays, you have a break in your upper arm, right here. See?” *points to x-ray*

Me: *glaring daggers at uncle*

Uncle: *shuts up*

(My entire family is very quiet on the ride home. My uncle in particular makes a point of avoiding eye contact with me. My dad quietly apologises to me once we get home, and I tell him it wasn’t his fault.)

Mum: *muttering* “Well, maybe if you had just accepted the IV drip, your bones wouldn’t be so weak, and none of this would have happened, anyway.”

Me: *incredulous stare*

(For the remainder of the holiday my arm was in a cast, but I never had to endure the IV drip a second time, for which I was grateful. Said IV drip was never mentioned again; it was removed as quickly as it appeared, and what “nutrients” it contained, and from whence it had come, remain a mystery to this day.)

Hiring With No Great Agency

, , , , | Working | May 22, 2018

I applied for a job online. The description said it was a language school, and everything else seemed legit: what I would be doing, working time, who I would report to, etc.

As they called me in for an interview at a specific time, I asked them to change it because I was currently working and needed to ask for a day off first. The caller was so surprised she actually was speechless for a moment and rambled incoherently, “Um… Oh, well…” Note: this was a senior position. She quickly got over it and we settled a date.

She also told me they were actually an agency, currently working on a project for that language school and another project for a financial company. If I joined, I would be working on both projects and have to work at two places; for example, Monday I’d go to the school at [Street #1], and then Tuesday I’d go to the financial company at [Street #2]. Both destinations had almost the same commute time from my house, so that didn’t sound like that big of a deal.

When I arrived at the office of the “agency,” it turned out that it was the office of the financial company. As I talked to the “director’s assistant,” the one I previously spoke with on the phone, she told me they own both the financial company and the school, not that those were their client.

There was nothing special about the interview, except they seemed to be looking for a person who could be a designer, a cameraman, a makeup artist, a video editor, and a sound editor at the same time, of course with the salary of only one position.

Needless to say, I never worked at that company, but I still wonder what exactly that company was. A school? An agency? Something else?

Their Intent Was Lost In Translation

, , , | Working | August 8, 2017

(I sign up for a freelance translating job, take a very long test, and pass. When I am assigned my first piece of work, they also add me in a chat group of their team so we can take orders and submit work, and everyone knows what others are doing. The first time I finish and send a translated chapter of text, I receive some comments, but nothing implying that the quality of my translation is below average. The second time I send more chapters, I receive some comments which are mostly about basic formatting – e.g. shouldn’t write “haha” but “ha ha” with a space. I continue to send more chapters and suddenly the manager send me a private message:)

Manager: “Finish the chapter you’re working on and stop that story; I’ll send you another one. This one doesn’t seem to work.”

Me: “What’s wrong? Is it my wording or something?”

Manager: “Well, it’s not suitable for you; let me know what genre you’re interested in and I’ll send you those so you could do better.”

Me: “Maybe romantic, then.”

Manager: “Okay.”

(The next day I log into the group and find:)

Manager: “[My Name], please work on this story: [link]. I have to say upfront that your writing style is bad and translating skill is weak. You often mess up the meaning of the story, and either can’t translate it at all or you come up with the wrong translation. From now on I’ll only give you simple stories to work on and if after five months you show no improvement we will stop this all together.”

(I’m not one who can’t take criticism or admit I’m at fault. But apparently they preferred to humiliate the freelancers who’re working for them, rather than having a conversation that would actually help the two parties.)