Probably Shaved Off Some Of The Cost, Anyway

, , , , , | Working | June 25, 2020

I was about to finish my course after three years of studying, and I wanted to treat myself to a posh-looking hair salon before the final oral exam. I was by no means looking dirty, but my hair and beard were getting too long for my own comfort. Trimming isn’t a problem to do myself, but having a professional doing it is always nice… or so I thought.

I was standing there in front of the store — white Marmor front and pictures of beautiful women and perfectly shaved men in the window, perfectly styled. Inside, I was greeted and offered drinks, coffee, and complimentary snacks while waiting.

Everyone was helpful and nice, and men and women inside were as styled as the pictures promised.

When it was my turn, a guy started to show me possible cuts and listened to what I expected about my hair. I was nervous, so I mostly just said, “Yeah, I have my final exam and wanted to treat myself. Short but not military is fine by me.”

Then, I had the experience of having my hair washed, massaged, oiled up (?), washed again and slowly cut to the shape I had awkwardly explained.

After about half an hour of “treatment,” he showed me what my head looked like. To be honest, I was pleasantly shocked by how well he did it, with millimeter fine lines around the ears and at the back of my head.

I was just thinking, “Nice. Next, my beard,” when he started to “unstrap” me from the chair and said, “You’re welcome. I hope to see you again!”

There was an awkward silence since I wasn’t sure what to say.

“Uhm… and where is the station for my beard?” I finally asked.

“Oh, we don’t support that profession, so we don’t cut beards here.”

So, I was sitting there. Business-styled hair with wild-looking eyebrows and a wild, unshaved — and in comparison to my hair — dirty-looking beard.

He stood there like everything was fine and ready for payment. 

I paid, silently left, and awkwardly shaved at home. I mean, my mistake; hair salon, I should have asked, but… come on!

Since then, I’ve been visiting a barber near my place who is a few times cheaper and faster, and actually cuts everything like the pictures seen at the store.

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A Heartbreaking Lack Of Pets In This Story

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 6, 2020

I was going out for a walk and ended up at a crossing where I waited for the light to turn green. I was joined by a middle-aged woman and her teeny, tiny puppy on a leash.

As I locked eyes with the dog, it started to tremble and wag its tail — more like its whole backside — ready to explode with happiness as it was about to be pet by me.

I was about to ask the woman if that was okay for her, when she suddenly looked at me and barked, “NO!”

I learned my lesson. I’m not sure the dog did, though.

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She Should Just Scoot On Out Of There

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2020

I am working at a movie theater. As part of the safety precautions, larger items aren’t allowed in the auditorium. A school class was here yesterday for a private viewing and a boy had to leave his scooter with us. We have a little room behind the register, barely big enough to store bigger items and for lost and found, where the employee on duty stored the scooter.

Apparently, the little boy forgot to reclaim his scooter after the movie, so the next day, as soon as we open, he and his mother return to get it. The mother approaches me angrily, as if it is my fault and not her son’s.

Mother: “My son forgot his scooter here yesterday. It’s red and black. Is it still there?”

Me: “Let me check.”

I check the small room and it’s there, the only scooter we have at the moment, so I bring it out.

Mother: “Well, thanks. Wait, it doesn’t look right. The handle is too high!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, that must have happened while carrying it.”

Mother: “Bulls***! It can’t just adjust like that while carrying it. You have to use a screwdriver to adjust it. Someone did this on purpose and probably drove around in that room back there!”

Me: “I assure you, nobody—”

Mother: *Interrupting* “Bulls***! You’re lying! You or one of your colleagues was driving around on it.”

Me: “We respect our customers’ belongings, and apart from that, we have neither the time nor the space for driving around on your kid’s scooter.”

The manager — who is maybe about twenty-five — and another curious employee come to join me because they overheard the woman getting louder and louder.

Manager: “Excuse me, may I help you?”

The mother tells the manager that someone drove around on the scooter and that I’m lying to her.

Mother: “But maybe you dumb young people just can’t grasp what I’m trying to say. Maybe—” *turns to me* “—you could call the manager so he can listen to how you treat me.”

I turn around to the manager who is standing next to me.

Me: “[Manager], this woman needs your help.”

Mother: “You’re the— Anyway, do something!”

Manager: “Maybe we could get a screwdriver from the office and readjust your son’s scooter. Although I highly doubt any of our employees used the scooter, I apologize for any inconvenience.”

Meanwhile, the son is looking more and more visibly embarrassed for his mother’s behavior. Suddenly, while holding the scooter the whole time, he begins nudging her and trying to tell her something.

Boy: “Mooom?”

Mother: “Not now!”

Boy: “But Moooom!”

Mother: “WHAT IS IT?!”

Boy: “Look, the handle can be readjusted without a screwdriver; you just have to pull and—”

The mother has a shocked stare and then turns back to us.

Mother: “Anyway, there is probably something else you did wrong, so I’m not sorry for accusing you!”

She stormed off.

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Schrödinger’s Phone

, , , , | Right | December 12, 2019

(This happens way too often, but I still understand that some people don’t want to or can’t keep up with technology. An elderly person enters the store.)

Elderly Customer: “This phone I have… I’ve had it for several years now, and the way this specific button blinks… I can hardly sleep as this button blinks all night; it bothers me all the time, no matter what I do or press on the phone. I’m out of options and don’t know what to do anymore.”

Me: “Just press the blinking button for two seconds.”

(The customer slightly taps the button. If it were a cat, it would start to purr.)

Me: “Please press and hold the button for two seconds.”

(The customer taps the button harder, still too short. If it were a cat, it would probably look at them funny.)

Me: “Sir, when the light flashes on your phone or this specific button, you have to keep it pressed for two seconds to see your missed calls. Please try again.”

(Usually, with a little time I do it myself, but to help them learn it I let them try it themselves.)The customer taps and holds the button with all of his might. At this point, they have a face like having a workout with heavy weights. If the phone were a cat, its eyes would probably pop out. Suddenly, it works. They look at the screen, exhausted and terrified at what they did.)

Elderly Customer: “Oh, my… the light… it stopped! How did you do that?”

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Transactional Innuendos

, , , , , | Working | October 30, 2019

(Our store doesn’t carry much change in the morning, so I volunteer to visit a nearby bank almost daily to exchange some notes after a few hours. There is almost always the same lady working there. The moment I enter and she sees me, things are quickly prepared and ready to go. Today, she came to our store to have her phone fixed. As she is waiting in line, I look over to her and say:)

Me: “I have the strangest urge to give you a large amount of money, but I guess this is neither the right place nor time.”

(She knew what I meant and laughed at the comment, unlike the woman beside her, who covered her mouth and looked at us in disgust. It took me a few seconds to understand what I could have meant instead.)

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