An Eye For An Eye Makes For Great Box Office Numbers

| Westmont, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes to the counter with the video box for “Gandhi”.)

Customer: “Have you seen this?”

Me: “Yes. It’s a good movie.”

Customer: “What’s it about?”

Me: “It’s about the peace activist Mahatma Gandhi.”

Customer: *excited* “So there’s lots of shooting and stuff? *gestures like he’s firing a machine gun*

Me: “No, not really.”

Customer:*disappointed* “Oh, well…I’ll get it anyway.”

Also In Sync, In Demand, In Stock, And In Waves

| Rice Lake, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks for calling [store]. This is [name].”

Caller #1: “How much is it to rent a movie?”

Me: “It all depends. Which one were you thinking of?”

Caller #1:Insidious.”

Me: “That’d be $3.96. That’s with tax.”

Caller #1: “Okay, thanks.” *hangs up*

(About thirty seconds passes before the phone rings again.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [store]. This is [name].”

Caller #2: “How much is it to rent Insidious?”

Me: “That’s gonna be $3.96, with tax.”

Caller #2: “Okay, how much is that?”

Me: “That’s the price. $3.96.”

(There’s about ten seconds of silence before I ask if anyone’s there. I hang up after no response. Thirty seconds later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [store], this is [name].”

Caller #3: “Hey, how much is it to rent Insidious with tax?”

Me: “$3.96.”

Caller #3: “Okay, thanks. We’ll be right in!”

Me: *confused*

Shouldn’t Have Rented Conspiracy Theory

, | Portland, OR, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [online movie rental]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m having a problem with my account. I think I may have uncovered a serious conspiracy to keep me from getting movies!”

Me: “That’s definitely not good. I’d love to take a look at your account. May I have your name please?”

Caller: “I’d better not give you my name. They may be listening now. I’d rather make this as anonymous as possible.”

Me: “That’s fine. What’s going on?”

Caller: “My postman will only pick up my movies every three days unless I put a dollar in each return envelope. I’m afraid you guys are paying them to do this!”

Me: “I can assure you we want you renting movies. That’s what we’re in business for. Have you tried returning your movies from another location?”

Caller: “When I do that, it takes even longer for them to get picked up! I’ve been staying up until midnight to put my movies in my mailbox so the postman can’t see. I was out last night, and I slipped on some wet leaves! I said to myself, ‘Why am I living like this?’ So, I thought I should call you.”

Me: “Sir, if you’re concerned your postman isn’t doing his job, I can get you a number for the mail customer care line.”

Caller: *whispering emphatically* “You don’t understand! He’s the only one and he has the only key! Look into the mailboxes! The only key! Beeeeee saaaaaaaafe!” *click*