Jokes From Down Under Are Just Too Alien

| Bremerton, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling

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. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Have you seen District 9?”

Me: “Yes, I have. Do have questions about it?”

Caller: “Is this some sort of Australian joke?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “All this movie has been is interviews with government people and aliens wearing brassieres! Am I watching some weird special feature or is this some kind of Australian joke?”

Me: “Well, the movie is in a documentary style and that definitely sounds like the beginning of the movie. If you want, you can come down to the store and exchange it for no charge.”

Caller: “Thank you very much. Those Australians have a weird sense of humor, man. I should know…I used to be married to a Brit and they’re strange, too!”

Me: “All right, sir you have a good night.”

Caller: “OK. I will put in a decent movie now which is not an Australian joke.”

Not Quite Three-Thinking

| Brisbane, Australia | Uncategorized

(We have the top ten DVD’s on a wall. We use an empty case with a number on it to show where each film is ranked in the top ten. A man walks up and puts the number ‘3’ case on the counter.)

Customer: “I’d like to hire this.”

Me: “This isn’t a movie. Star Trek is currently ranked number 3. Would you like to rent that?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want Star Trek! I want this one!”

Me: “Sorry, that is just an empty case that we use to show our top ten rentals, it isn’t a film. If you’d like to rent one of our top ten make sure you grab one of the take home cases behind the display cases.”

(The man seems to catch on, returns to the shelf and walks back with one of the generic DVD cases we use to chock up the number ‘3’ case so it sits flush with the other DVDs).

Customer: “There! Now will you let me rent it?”

Lack Of Grey Matter

| Uncategorized

(Two teenage customers ask if I can find a film for a school project.)

Customer #1: “Hi, do you have Casablanca?”

Me: “Sure.” *I fetch the film*

Customer #1: “Oh, it’s black and white?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer #2: “That’s no good! We don’t have a black and white TV, only color!”

SkyNet: The Early Years

| Uncategorized

(Note: I’m making calls to let people know that the movies they reserved are in.)

Me: “Hi there, this is Sarah from

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. I’m just calling to let you know the movie you reserved is now in if you’d like to come pick it up.”

Customer: “Oh, for Pete’s sake. These stupid f***ing recordings! I can’t believe even friggin

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has them now. You hear that, you stupid f***ing robot? YOU F***ING PIECE OF ROBOT S***!

Me: “Um…sir? I am an actual person.”

Customer: *hangs up*

Related:
Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol. 1

Aches On A Brain

| Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for a DVD. My father told me I had to rent it.”

Me: “Okay, do you know what the movie was called?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did he say what actor or actress was featured in the film?”

Customer: “Samuel something.”

Me: “Samuel L. Jackson?”

Customer: “Yeah–him.”

Me: “Did he happen to mention what the movie was about?”

Customer: “Um…Snakes…on a Plane.”

(I walk the customer over to the movie ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and hand it to her.)

Customer: “I don’t think this is it.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the only movie I have with Samuel L. Jackson in it about snakes on a plane.”

Customer: “Hmm…and this is about snakes on a plane?”

Me: “Yes.”

(The customer puts the movie back on shelf.)

Customer: “I just don’t think this is it.”

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