No IQ For IV

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words

(I work at a video store. A customer is on the far side of the store and yells out to me. He does not hold up the DVD.)

Customer: “Hey man, which Saw is this?”

Me: “Well, what does it say on the cover?”

Customer: “It doesn’t say anything!”

(I walk over to the customer and immediately recognise the problem.)

Me: “That would be Saw 4, sir. ‘IV’ means four.”

Dub And Dubber

| Manitoba, Canada | Language & Words

(An older gentleman comes in to return a movie he’s rented the night before. It’s clearly stated on the movie case that it’s a foreign action film that is subtitled in English; there is also the option to have it dubbed over in English or French.)

Customer: “I want a refund on this movie!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Did it not work?”

Customer: “No, it worked, but it wasn’t in English! I want my d*** money back!”

Me: “The subtitles or dubbing wouldn’t work?”

Customer: “I didn’t even watch it. I want my money back!”

Me: “Oh! I understand. Did you try going into the set up menu to change the language setting?”

(The customer looks at me, confused, so I show him the language options on the back of the case.)

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! I just want a refund. It was stupid!”

Me: “So… the movie worked… and you didn’t even try to change the settings… and there’s a sign behind me that says if there’s a problem with a movie you have to let us know the same day or no exchanges/refunds… and you want me to give you your money back?”

(With that, the customer goes from being extremely agitated to looking sheepish.)

Customer: “…no.” *leaves store*

The Customer Is Not Always Righteous

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Money

(I’m manager on duty tidying up. One of my coworkers walks up to me.)

Coworker #1: “I have a customer who doesn’t want to pay her late fees because she’s ‘righteous’.”

(Baffled, I follow my coworker up to the register and see the customer. Immediately, she speaks to me.)

Customer: “I shouldn’t pay because I’m righteous.”

Me: “I’m… sorry? What happened?”

Customer: “I’m righteous. It’s not right for you to charge me.”

Me: “I’m showing your movie was returned two days after it was due. It was five days, but you had it out for a full week.”

Customer: “You’re not being righteous. I’m righteous. I’m busy out spreading the word of God. I didn’t have time to bring it back. I was being righteous. This isn’t right of you!”

Me: “That’s very good of you, but unfortunately the fees are valid. I’m afraid you will need to pay it in total if you want to rent today. I can’t take it off.”

Customer: “No, I’m a righteous person. You need to do the right thing. This isn’t right of you!”

Me: “Actually, since you knew the due date and that we charge fees, you know that the charge is valid. It wouldn’t be righteous of you to not pay a fee you knowingly incurred.”

Customer: “No, no. I am righteous! This is YOU not doing the right thing.”

(Coworker #2 has been awkwardly standing at his own till with a slight smile frozen in place this whole time. Eventually, the customer notices him.)

Customer: *to Coworker #2* “Don’t you laugh at me. I’m righteous, young man!”

Coworker #1: “He wasn’t laughing at you, ma’am. We’re a very happy crew.”

(The customer glares at Coworker #2 for a while before deciding to pay up and rent, muttering the whole time. The only audible word is “righteous.” Before leaving, she has one more thing to say.)

Customer: “Tell them it’s not righteous. I know it’s not your choice, but it’s not right to do this to me when I’m righteous!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I will. Have a good night.”

(Not surprisingly, the customer didn’t return her movies two weeks later, even after repeated attempts to get a hold of her. She ‘righteously’ kept merchandise that didn’t belong to her!)