Thinks He Is Customer Number One

| Detroit, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(A customer comes in. While he is a regular, no one on staff cares for him, because he always acts like he should get special treatment.)

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. How are you today?”

Customer: “Fine, Here’s your movies.”

(He throws them on the counter, and they scatter everywhere. I start picking them up.)

Me: “These movies didn’t come from here. In fact they aren’t even from another one of the stores in our chain, but a completely different one.”

Customer: “What do you mean? So I can’t return them here?”

Me: “No, you’ll have to take them back to [Competitor].”

Customer: “I don’t see why! Don’t you know how much money I spend here?”

Me: “Actually, I do know you’re in here quite often, but I still can’t take movies from [Competitor].”

(He argues with me for a while, and I try to calmly explain why I cannot take his movies. He continues to be belligerent, and knocks over other things that we have sitting on the counter.)

Me: “Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “Fine! I’m leaving and taking my business elsewhere!”

(As I watch him leave the store, instead of heading toward his car, he goes around to the part of the building facing the road and proceeds to urinate all over the windows. The entire store has huge windows, so after all the ruckus he caused, my staff and our customers in the store all see this. Everyone is in shock over this display. I start calling the police.)

Me: “Yes, I would like to make a report on a man who exposed himself and urinated on our building… Why, yes, I do happen to have his name and his address…”

This Dollar Is Noncents

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid

(Every Monday, my video rental store has a special where you can rent any movie for $1.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me more about this dollar Monday thing?”

Me: “Of course. Every Monday, all of the DVDs in store are just $1 to hire!”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means you can come in and rent any movie you want, new or old, for just $1!”

Customer: “So, does that mean weekly movies?”

Me: *smiling* “It sure does, everything is included!”

Customer: “Well, what about 5 night hires? Are they included?”

Me: *still smiling* “Yes, sir. All of the DVDs are included in this special.”

Customer: “Okay, so what about 3 night hires?”

Me: “They are. Everything is included in this deal—new releases and weekly movie rentals.”

Customer: “Okay, good. And what about overnight hires? Are they $1 too?”

Me: “Yep. As I said before, all movies are $1 to hire.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! Why does it have to be so confusing? You people need to make it less complicated so normal people can understand!” *storms out*

Re-Cycling DVDs

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Top, Wild & Unruly

(Our store releases new DVDs every Tuesday. A customer comes in on Wednesday, visibly angry.)

Customer: “What the h*** is wrong with your movies? This doesn’t work!”

(I open the case and discover that the brand new DVD is broken in several pieces, and has a large tire tread on the back.)

Me: “Sir, what happened? The DVD is completely destroyed!”

Customer: “I ran over it with my motorcycle. Why?”

Me: “…You ran over it…”

Customer: “I wanted to see if they still made them like they used to! Back in my day you couldn’t destroy things like this! I demand a refund!”

(He continues to yell and rant until my manager shows up. I explain what the story is, with the customer agreeing with me word for word on what happened. Finally, my manager speaks.)

Manager: *to the customer* “What are you, an idiot?”