Holy Justice League

| AR, USA | Right | April 28, 2016

(I am a shift manager for an entertainment retailer in a small town. The town is dominated by a Christian college and most of the town is associated with it in some form. They are sweet and kind people, but they’re rather sheltered, so much so that outsiders call it “The Bubble.” The following is a great example of said Bubble:)

Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to speak with your manager, please.”

Me: “Speaking. What can I do for you this evening?”

Caller: “Well, this is kind of embarrassing, but one of your workers sold my five-year-old son something inappropriate.”

(This is scary, because our company takes that stuff very seriously and I don’t want anyone to get fired over it.)

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. If I may, what did they sell to him?”

Caller: “It was a Justice League animated movie.”

Me: *mentally sighing in relief* “Well, I see that this title is rated 13+. Did your son come in and buy it by himself?”

Caller: “No, my husband was with him.”

Me: “So they sold it to your husband?”

Caller: “Well, yes. But it was obvious it was for my son. It was very inappropriate! A man commits suicide in the first scene!”

Me: “Well, they were allowed to sell it to your husband because he is over 13. But if you’ll bring the DVD back to the store, we’ll refund or exchange it for you.”

Caller: “I just don’t understand how your store could sell something like that without a warning. Do your employees not preview your movies so they can make recommendations?”

Me: “Ma’am, we have well over 100,000 titles in this store alone, and a few million titles in our corporate database, which are periodically rotated. There’s no way we could manually preview all of that material. Do you know about the rating system?”

Caller: *becoming frantic* “So, you just sell things without knowing what’s in them?!”

(I proceed to explain the rating system to her and point her to a few non-profit/Christian websites which provide reviews of movies and TV shows. It was like a revelation from Heaven. Pun intended.)

Gone With The Memory

| Austin, TX, USA | Right | January 9, 2016

(From the time of its initial home video release in the early 1980s, Gone With The Wind was only available as a deluxe package costing roughly $100 or more. This changed in 1998 when, in preparation for its 60th anniversary the following year, the film was finally released at the “sell through” price of $19.99. The video sold like hotcakes; we could hardly keep it in stock. One customer was very excited when her reserved copy came in:)

Customer: “I am sooooo happy they’re finally putting this out at a decent price!”

Me: “Yeah, it took ’em long enough.”

Customer: “I know, and it’s just soooo goooood!”

Me: “One of the greats.”

Customer: “It is. Man, I remember when it first came out.”

(I should’ve left well enough alone, but seeing that this woman couldn’t have been more than 30 years of age, my inner movie nerd just couldn’t stay quiet.)

Me: “You remember when it came out?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You?”

Customer: “Yes, it was a very big deal.”

Me: “I know… but it came out in 1939.”

Customer: “It did?”

Me: “Yes, you can look at the date on the back of the package.”

Customer: *looking at the back of the box* “Huh… Well, I wasn’t alive then.”

Me: “Few of us were.”

Customer: *with an “a-ha!” smile* “I remember when they put it to color.”

Me: “It was shot in color.”

Customer: *red in the face* “Well… I REMEMBER SOMETHIN’!”

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Make It A Blockbuster Christmas

| NY, USA | Working | December 24, 2015

(It is when Blockbuster is still a thing. We are there on Christmas Eve. My dad walks up to the counter and innocently asks:)

My Dad: “Do you have any specials?”

Employee: *death glare* “Yeah, the special is you get to be at home with your family and I have to work!”

(Now every time we drive by where the Blockbuster used to be, my dad says:)

Dad: “Well, I’m sure that guy has plenty of time to spend with his family now”

It’s Going To Be An Interesting Knight

| Austin, TX, USA | Right | November 25, 2015

(Back in 1997, I am working at a large, national video rental chain. A high school aged boy, roughly 16 years old, walks up to the counter.)

Boy: “Can you help me find a movie?”

Me: “Probably, do you know the title?”

Boy: “First Knight.”

(The requested film is about the love triangle between King Arthur, Lady Guinevere, and Sir Lancelot. Action aside, it wasn’t normally requested by men, especially high-school aged. Thinking this strange, I still take him to the appropriate section, find the tape in stock, and hand it to him.)

Boy: “Thanks, man! You’ve saved my life.”

(Back at the counter he ends up coming through my line.)

Boy: “Thanks again, man. You’ve really saved me some time.”

Me: *as I hand him his change* “What do you mean?”

Boy: “Oh, we have to read this for school, and I forgot all about it.”

Me: “You have to read THIS for school?!”

Boy: *smiling as he goes out the door* “Yep, and I can’t stand Shakespeare.”

(As he walks out the door my coworker and I break down laughing, realizing that he was actually looking for “Twelfth Night.”)

Coworker: “Boy, is his teacher in for a treat!”

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Having A Rent Vent

| MI, USA | Right | November 17, 2015

(A new release has just come out that is very popular and everyone wants it. At this point in my shift, there are no more copies in the store and there haven’t been for at least two hours.)

Customer: “Do you have [New Movie] on DVD?”

Me: “We are all out right now, I’m sorry. Everyone has been excited to see it.”

Customer: “Well, don’t you have anymore in the back?”

Me: “No. As I said, they’ve all been rented already.”

Customer: “Well, you should have saved one for me.”

(I have never seen this customer before.)

Me: “Did you call and have one held for you?”

(We don’t have any being held, but if she had one that was supposed to be held, I would offer her some free movies for the inconvenience.)

Customer: “No, but if you have any being held, I’ll take one of those.”

Me: “If you didn’t call, I can’t give you someone else’s copy that did call.”

Customer: “Why not? I’m here now and want to watch it tonight.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have any being held, and I wouldn’t give you someone else’s movie. Is there anything else I can check out for you today?”

Customer: “No. That’s what I came here for and I want one.”

Me: “Well, obviously you can wait and see if one gets returned, but seeing as it just came out today, I’m sure no one is going to bring it back until tomorrow.”

Customer: “Can’t you call someone and tell them to bring it back?”

Me: “No, ma’am. If you don’t have anything else that you need checked out, I do have a line of other people that want to get their movies and go home.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you didn’t save me a copy!”

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