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Family-Friendly Versus Family-Making

, , , , | Right | January 2, 2020

(Way back when they’re still a thing, I work at a video rental store. We don’t have an adult film section at all and we are trained with a scripted response for anyone who asks. One particularly busy night, I am oh, so lucky to be the one to answer the phone and get this gem of an exchange:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

(I can hear several children screaming in the background.)

Caller: “Yeah, what’s your p*rn section like?”

Me: “Excuse me, sir? Our…?”

Caller: “Your p*rn section! You know, the little room behind the curtain!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but [Store] is a family establishment and thus we do not have an adult section.”

Caller: *getting suddenly irate* “YEAH? WELL, FAMILIES NEED TO F***, TOO!”

(He hung up on me — more like slammed the phone down — and all I could do for a moment was stare at the handset in confusion before carefully putting it back on the cradle.)

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The Trilogy Was Completed With “Alluring Arms”  

, , , , | Right | December 29, 2019

(I work in a video rental store in 2001. A lady comes to counter with a friend.)

Customer: “Do you have A Beautiful Mind?”

Me: *attempting humour* “Oh, yes. And I have lovely legs, too.”

Customer: “Oh! Have they made a sequel?”

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In A Sliding Doors Universe, Gwyneth Was In “Friends”

, , | Right | December 27, 2019

(It is summer 2002, and I’m working at a video rental store.)

Customer: “Do you have that new movie with the girl from Friends?”

Me: “The girl from Friends? Jennifer Aniston has a movie coming out in theatres soon, but we don’t have that on video yet.”

Coworker: “I don’t know that Courtney Cox has been in anything since Scream…”

Customer: “No, the blonde one. Her new movie.”

Me: “Well, she was in that movie with Christina Ricci a while back, but nothing recently.”

(We think for a few minutes; we don’t have Internet to look such things up.)

Me: “Do you mean Shallow Hal? With Gwyneth Paltrow?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! See, the blonde girl from Friends!”

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Turning Into A Horror Film

, , | Right | October 22, 2019

Customer: *recently rented two films* “I want a refund on this DVD.” *holds one up* “It didn’t work!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it appears the wrong disc was put in this box. The other one seems fine, though.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I couldn’t watch the second one because I was trying to get the first one to work!”

Me: “You were trying to get the wrong disc to play the box film?”

Customer:Yes! Now you’ve ruined my party I was holding because I was stuck trying to fix it! You need to pay me £50 in compensation now!”

Me: “Yeah, we won’t be doing that.”

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Children Can Be A Real Pay-n

, , , | Right | July 5, 2019

(A middle-aged customer returns a DVD.)

Customer: “I want to return this, and I want you to not rent out movies to my son anymore.”

(This is generally a valid request, as our customer cards are transferable and friends and family members can rent in the cardholder’s name if they know the correct PIN. But the cardholder can, of course, put a lock on that, in which case we put a corresponding note in the account. When I scan the DVD to take it back, I see that this is not the case here, as it was rented from the son’s own account. He is 19 years old.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks as if your son is a legal adult and this is his own account. I cannot stop somebody from using his own account, just because somebody else says so.”

(The customer looks at me with a grim expression, but says nothing.)

Me: “That will be 15€, then.”

Customer: “See, that’s what I mean!”

Me: *with a smile* “Well, it’s his account, and his responsibility. You don’t have to pay for him, you know?”

Customer: *grumbles something unintelligible, pays, and leaves*

(People, it’s not my fault that you can’t teach your children to be responsible with money!)

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