Sucks In The City

| Henniker, NH, USA | Uncategorized

(This is late at night at the video rental store, and I’m a teenage girl working by myself. A man walks in and stands there grinning.)

Me: “Um, hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Sucks to be you!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: *pulls his arm in front of his face like Dracula* “I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!”

Me: “Uh…are you looking for Dracula videos…?”

(At this point, we hear a car pull up.)

Customer: “AHH! WITNESSES! DRACULA, AWAY!” *runs out*

Because Aramaic Is Sooo Last Millenium

| Nashville, TN, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. I rented this movie, and ya’ll gave me the wrong one. This one has subtitles, and I wanted it in English.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. But Passion of The Christ is supposed to be in subtitles. It’s the way Mel Gibson made it.”

Customer: “Ya gotta be kiddin’ me! Why would he do somethin’ stupid like that?”

Me: “Well, I’m guess he just wanted to be true to its roots.”

Customer: “The idiot. Everyone knows the Bible is in English!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “So, can you fix it or what?”

Me: “Fix it? What do you mean?”

Customer: “Call up that Gibson feller and tell him to send you guys the English version!”

Over The Gray, Bland Rainbow

| Maryland, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Something is wrong with this movie – the box said it was in color, but it’s black and white.”

Me: “Haven’t you ever seen The Wizard of Oz before?”

Customer: “No, but it says ‘color’ on the box.”

Me: “The beginning is in black and white – it will turn to color.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just stupid.”