Dances With Fools

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Customer: “I’m hoping you can help me. I saw a movie on TV with Kevin Costner and I want to rent it but I don’t know what it was called.”

Me: “Okay, what was it about?”

Customer: “I don’t know, I didn’t see it all. But what I saw was him with a mustache.”

Me: “Okay. Was it Western-themed?”

Customer: “I didn’t see it.”

Me: “Well, did it look like it was set in a different time period?”

Customer: “No. It was with Kevin Costner. So, some time in the last 30 years.”

Ball Buster Filibuster

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(I work at a video store, where in order to rent movies we ask for a phone number and then read out their name to verify the account. You can have one primary account name, with others added on to it. This particular customer was on the account under his wife.)

Me: “Phone number, please.”

Customer: *reads out number*

Me: “Are you under [name of wife]”?

Customer: “Not tonight. She’s mad at me!”

Dude, Where’s My Brain

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(Two guys walk into our video rental store, find their video, and come up to pay.)

Coworker: “What’s your phone number?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s [phone number].”

Coworker: “Okay, so Chris [last name]?”

Customer’s friend: “Holy s*** man, he knows your name!” *turns to my coworker* “Dude, what’s my name?!”

Coworker: “…”

Customer: “Dude, I have an account here.”

Customer’s friend: “Oh. I’m going to go wait in the car…”