Over The Gray, Bland Rainbow

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Customer: “Something is wrong with this movie – the box said it was in color, but it’s black and white.”

Me: “Haven’t you ever seen The Wizard of Oz before?”

Customer: “No, but it says ‘color’ on the box.”

Me: “The beginning is in black and white – it will turn to color.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just stupid.”

Wet Fools Rush In Where Girlfriends Fear To Tread

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Me: “Hello,

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Caller: “Excuse me, I just got a call today saying that I hadn’t returned a DVD.”

Me: “Alright, what DVD is it?”

Caller: *tells me the DVD’s name*

Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’m looking it up in the computer and it says we don’t have it.”

Caller: “Yes, it was returned. I gave it to my boyfriend to return and I watched him put it in your drop box!”

Me: “Well, it’s not in the drop box right now, and the boxes were cleaned out. I’m not sure what’s–”

(The caller cuts me off to start swearing at me. As she yells at me over the phone, a man walks in through the front door, sopping wet.)

Man: “Uh, hey… my girlfriend gave this to me to return yesterday and I forgot about it until just now.”

(I go back to the phone.)

Me, to caller: “Ma’am, there’s someone here I think you should speak to…”

Parents, The Gateway Drug

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(A man and woman with a 10-year old kid came up to my counter to rent Grand Theft Auto 4.)

Me: “You know, this game is rated and M and generally not considered a good choice for young children.”

Parent: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “Just saying… some parents don’t know I just wanted to make sure.”

Parent: “Pfft… like I care about that. You’re going to be a boring parent!”

One Man’s Art Is Another Man’s Political Agenda

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Me: *on the phone* “Hello, this is **** Video.”

Customer: “Yes. I would like a refund. This movie is in a different language!”

Me: “What movie is it?”

Customer:Pan’s Labyrinth.”

Me: “Yes, sir. That’s a foreign film. If you’d like, you can comen exchange it for an English-language film.”

Customer: “Why do they do that?”

Me: “Do what, sir?”

Customer: “Make movies in other languages.”

Me: “It wasn’t made in America, sir.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not giving them immigrants any of my money!”

Many Hats, But An Empty Head

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(We were having a sale on used DVDs. The price reductions were delayed in the computer system download, so we had to re-price every item manually. A customer came up with several used movies for purchase.)

Me: “All right sir, your total is $249.75.”

Customer: “What? Did you miss some? I added it up, it should be more.”

Me: *after checking* “No, sir. We’re in the middle of doing our price changes, so all the movies you have that are marked $12.99 each are actually marked down to $9.99 each.”

Customer: “What? That’s illegal. The price sticker has to have the correct price on it.”

Me: “Sir, as I said, we’re in the process of re-stickering all of the DVDs. The 25 movies you’re buying are actually cheaper than you thought they would be.”

Customer: “But they’re priced wrong. That’s illegal.”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you we are doing nothing illegal, and if you’d like–”

Customer: “It is illegal, I’M A LAWYER!”

Me: “OK…I can adjust the price so that the movies are all $12.99 instead of $9.99 if you’re really angry about saving $75.00. Is that what you want me to do?”

Customer: “Well, no.”

Me: “What would you like me to do then?”

Customer: “I think I should get some free movies.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you any free movies.”

Customer: “I’m a lawyer. It’s illegal. You need to give me 5 free movies or I’m calling the authorities.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you anything for free. As it is, you thought the price of these DVDs was much more than it turned out to be, so you’re already getting a deal…”

Customer: “I don’t care. This is horrible service! This is no way to run a business. If I ran my restaurant this way, I’d be out of business!”

Me: “So, are you a lawyer or a restauranteur?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Would you like to pay for the movies, or would you like me to cancel the sale?”

Customer: *hands over credit card*

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