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Rental Mental

| NM, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I worked in a movie rental store. We give out membership cards to bring up their account but we also take ID to look up the account. You can have any number of additional people verified to rent movies from your account but they must have their own ID to show that they are who they say they are. Two girls walk up to my register.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay, and will this be all?”

Customer #1: “Yes. Just these two.”

Me: “All right, do you have your membership card?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, it’s under [Actual Member’s Name] and we’re both on the account.”

(I proceed to look it up, confirm that this is the account, and see that there are about four names on the account that are allowed to rent.)

Me: “All right, I just need to see either of your ID’s so I can confirm one of these is you.”

Customer #2: “We don’t have ID’s but we always rent without them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you rent these if you don’t have an ID or membership card.”

Customer #1: “Well, can we get our own membership card?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you need an ID to get a membership card.”

Customer #2: “They ALWAYS let us rent without ID. Why aren’t you just letting us?”

Me: “If they are, they aren’t doing their job correctly. If I knew you personally, or if any of our associates knew you personally, I could call them up here to confirm your identity.”

(Both customers don’t say anything; they just stomp out. I get a phone call about 30 minutes later.)

Me: “[Opening Lines], how may I direct your call?”

Customer #3: “DID YOU TELL MY DAUGHTERS THAT THEY COULDN’T USE MY ACCOUNT?!”

Me: “Yes, I did. They didn’t have any ID on them and they didn’t have a membership card. If you send them with the membership card, I can rent to them, no problem, ma’am.”

Customer #3: “They’re six-f******-teen years old! Of course they don’t have ID’s, you dumb b****!”

Me: “Like I said, ma’am, they don’t need ID’s if they have the membership card. If you lost yours, you yourself can come in and request new ones. They come with two key-chain cards and one normal card, so you can give the key-chains to whomever you wish.”

Customer #3: “I’ve never had ANY employee tell my daughters they needed ID or one of your d*** cards. If they can tell you my name, let them rent on my account! It’s my account so I can choose how it’s run!”

Me: “I can’t allow that, ma’am.”

Customer #3: “What the f*** do you mean you can’t?! I just told you to!”

Me: “If I did that, ma’am, anyone who came in, and I mean anyone, whether you know them or not, could come in, say your name, rent 10 new movies, and return them late, causing enormous late fees on your account. He could also never return the movies. If that happens, you, and ONLY you will be responsible for paying for the movies in full. If you would like your account to be usable by ANYONE knowing your name, I can talk to my manager and see what we can do for you.”

Customer #3: “THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY F****** SENSE BUT FINE! My daughters are going back to get those movies and then we are cancelling my account!”

Me: *before she hangs up, in the cheeriest voice I can manage* “Be sure they have the membership card with them.”

Customer #3: “You’re a f******* b****!”

(The girls did come back and scowled at me the entire time I processed their transaction. They then asked to cancel the account. I explained they would need to return any and all movies they had out and, also, I would need to see the member and her ID card to do so. If looks could kill, I would be dead.)

Today’s Episode Was Brought To You By The Letter ‘S,’ ‘T,’ and ‘D!’

, | Dildo, NL, Canada | Rude & Risque

(Dildo is a real place, I swear. It’s my first week in a new job in the back of a convenience store which houses a DVD rental service at the back but most people just go in to find something “special.” I’m at the counter. I should probably add that a lot of people try and steal the DVDs by putting cheaper ones in. A man walks into the shop and by his overall demeanor I can tell he wants something from the “adult section.” Before coming to the front counter, he waits for everyone to leave, which takes about 30 minutes, and slams an adult film on the counter along with some change.)

Me: “Hello. How’s your trip to [Store] been today?”

Customer: “I don’t care. Just ring me up before anyone sees me.”

Me: “Okay, that will be…” *noticing the case is already a little wet, I put it down and try not to puke*

Customer: “It’s $5, now gimme it.”

Me: “Okay, here you go.”

(Another 30 minutes goes by with no customers, so I decide to lock up. As I close the shutters, the same man runs in with the DVD now held above his head screaming.)

Customer: “WHAT THE F*** DO YOU CALL THIS, YOU F****** IMBECILE!”

(I take a look at the box and see nothing out of order until I open it and find what’s in the box: a copy of “Sesame Street,” not really something that I suppose that guy wanted.)

Me: “Do you want me to change that for you?”

Customer: “Nope, I’m just going to have the real thing now, but remember you gave me gonorrhoea.”

Me: “WHAT?”

Customer: “Well, I’ll have to get a hooker now and they have gonorrhoea so you gave me it!”

(He then proceeded to walk out of the shop screaming “you gave me gonorrhoea!”)

Gone With The Memory

| Austin, TX, USA | History, Movies & TV, Popular

(From the time of its initial home video release in the early 1980s, Gone With The Wind was only available as a deluxe package costing roughly $100 or more. This changed in 1998 when, in preparation for its 60th anniversary the following year, the film was finally released at the “sell through” price of $19.99. The video sold like hotcakes; we could hardly keep it in stock. One customer was very excited when her reserved copy came in:)

Customer: “I am sooooo happy they’re finally putting this out at a decent price!”

Me: “Yeah, it took ’em long enough.”

Customer: “I know, and it’s just soooo goooood!”

Me: “One of the greats.”

Customer: “It is. Man, I remember when it first came out.”

(I should’ve left well enough alone, but seeing that this woman couldn’t have been more than 30 years of age, my inner movie nerd just couldn’t stay quiet.)

Me: “You remember when it came out?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You?”

Customer: “Yes, it was a very big deal.”

Me: “I know… but it came out in 1939.”

Customer: “It did?”

Me: “Yes, you can look at the date on the back of the package.”

Customer: *looking at the back of the box* “Huh… Well, I wasn’t alive then.”

Me: “Few of us were.”

Customer: *with an “a-ha!” smile* “I remember when they put it to color.”

Me: “It was shot in color.”

Customer: *red in the face* “Well… I REMEMBER SOMETHIN’!”

It’s Going To Be An Interesting Knight

| Austin, TX, USA | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, School

(Back in 1997, I am working at a large, national video rental chain. A high school aged boy, roughly 16 years old, walks up to the counter.)

Boy: “Can you help me find a movie?”

Me: “Probably, do you know the title?”

Boy: “First Knight.”

(The requested film is about the love triangle between King Arthur, Lady Guinevere, and Sir Lancelot. Action aside, it wasn’t normally requested by men, especially high-school aged. Thinking this strange, I still take him to the appropriate section, find the tape in stock, and hand it to him.)

Boy: “Thanks, man! You’ve saved my life.”

(Back at the counter he ends up coming through my line.)

Boy: “Thanks again, man. You’ve really saved me some time.”

Me: *as I hand him his change* “What do you mean?”

Boy: “Oh, we have to read this for school, and I forgot all about it.”

Me: “You have to read THIS for school?!”

Boy: *smiling as he goes out the door* “Yep, and I can’t stand Shakespeare.”

(As he walks out the door my coworker and I break down laughing, realizing that he was actually looking for “Twelfth Night.”)

Coworker: “Boy, is his teacher in for a treat!”

(Shop)lifted To A Less Aggressive State

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

(It is back when major video rental chains are still in business. We have a regular known shoplifter hit us and neighboring stores recently, and he walks in to my store. It is a Saturday night, and we are slammed, so before I can go and watch him, he is already trying to go out our entrance door, which lacks sensors.)

Me: “Sir, you need to go out the exit. That’s an entrance-only.”

Shoplifter: “I just have to run to my car and get my wallet…”

Me: “Okay, but you need—”

(And with that, he is gone out the door. Luckily, I’m not the only manager on tonight.)

Me: *to coworker* “I’m gonna take a smoke break real fast.”

(I proceed to walk out to the parking lot, which is huge because it is in a shopping center. I see the man and start following him.)

Me: “Man, it is a nice night tonight, don’t you think?”

(He doesn’t respond, but I continue to try and chat while following him. Suddenly he starts jogging, and I follow. He then starts throwing carts in my way as I run behind him. After another few minutes, he stops, turns around, and pulls back his fist! I am not a muscular or tall guy, and I can only react instinctively, which is to shrug my shoulders, look at him, and say:)

Me: “Really?”

Shoplifter: *taken aback* “Well, what do we do now?”

Me: “Well, if you drop all the stuff you have on you, I’ll be too busy picking it up to even see where you go…”

(By this point, his getaway car was honking and yelling obscenities. After about thirty seconds, he opened up his jacket and dropped around $400 worth of pre-rented games. True to my word, I took my time getting them as he took off. Later, I get scolded by my manager for going after them and potentially getting hurt, but she laughed about how my reaction was enough to shock the shoplifter out of his aggressive state. Needless to say, he never came back after that.)

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