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Must Be New To The Game

| Right | July 30, 2014

(I am waiting in line to pay. The customer in front of me in line is an older woman.)

Employee: “Hi, did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “I’m actually here to return something.”

Employee: “I’m sorry to hear that. What are you returning?”

Customer: “This very violent video game.”

(She places a copy of a popular first-person-shooter game on the counter.)

Employee: “Thank you.”

(The employee opens the case to check the disc.)

Employee: “Ma’am, the game isn’t in here.”

Customer: “Sure it is. You’re holding it.”

Employee: “This is just the case. There’s no disc.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Employee: “You can’t return an empty game case.”

Customer: “Why?”

(I decide to step in.)

Me: “It’s like buying a new coat and only getting the hanger.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(The employee hands over the box, and the customer leaves.)

Employee: “It’s going to be a long day, isn’t it?”

Game Over For This Store

| Working | July 26, 2014

(I work at a small video game shop that sells new and used games as well as new and used consoles. This includes retro consoles. We have, on display, many different consoles and games. Our business is set up so that if we have a game or console in stock customers can play any game before buying, and can trade in pretty much any game regardless of console. In fact, it was even in the name of the business that someone could trade and play games. We also do console repairs. Along with working the floor, I’m the only person who repairs these consoles. The owner of the business, however, starts getting more and more restricting toward customers.)

Boss: “So, everyone, the new policy is that customers cannot play any games unless they are going to buy it.”

Me: “How do we know they are going to buy it, or for that matter how do the customers know if they are going to buy the game without playing it?”

Boss: “We’re doing this so parents will not drop off kids to play games and leave us to babysit.”

Me: “But that’s half of our customers that would buy video games.”

Boss: “Just don’t let people play games!”

(The boss posts a big sign in the window about this and, as a result, we lose about half of our business. He also fires most of my coworkers within two weeks, leaving just four of us.)

Boss: “Okay, everyone. Since we’ve somehow lost a lot of business, you’ll notice I’ve had to let some of your coworkers go. We’re also not going to host any more of the weekly game tournaments.”

Coworker #1: “But those tournaments bring in more money in two hours than any other whole day!”

Boss: “Well, we aren’t going to do them any more. We aren’t bringing in a lot, so I can’t afford to have all of you here at once for tournaments. That’s final.”

Coworker #2: “What about new releases? We’ve lost a lot of customers to [Big Chain Competitor] because we haven’t gotten in any new releases this week.”

Boss: “I didn’t buy any of the new releases this week. I don’t want to buy any more new releases until we get more sales. We don’t have enough customers so we can’t afford to just have these on the shelf. That’s why we are also stopping all trades. We need to move this old stuff before we take in any trades. I don’t want a single trade in unless it’s for some other old thing. Trades are no longer allowed to be used towards newer games.”

Me: *after we all unsuccessfully tried to reason with him* “And what about repair parts? I have about 40 consoles that have been here for weeks and I still haven’t gotten the parts in. Can you check on the parts for me?”

Boss: “I’ll buy you those parts. Just give me a list of what you need.”

(I give my boss the same list of parts I had given him weeks before. Since he didn’t want more than one person working at a time, I was put on repairs only. This meant I was only paid commission on repairs. After four total weeks of no parts and no paychecks, I went to the store to talk to him.)

Me: “[Coworker #1], have you seen [Boss]? And I thought [Coworker #3] was working today.”

Coworker #1: “No, I haven’t seen [Boss], and [Coworker #3] quit. He was yelled at for locking up the place so he could go to the bathroom.”

Me: “So let me get this straight. He was forced to work all alone from opening until closing and got yelled at for locking the door so he could go into the back to pee?”

Coworker #1: “Yep. I’m just glad I’m actually getting paid.”

Me: “Yeah. I’m still waiting on those parts to come in and I haven’t gotten a paycheck in a month!”

Coworker #1: “He hasn’t talked to you?! He said he wasn’t going to order them until we had more sales.”

Me: “What?! So [Boss] has stopped letting people play games, stopped hosting game tournaments, stopped buying new releases, stopped taking in trades, and stopped console repairs?! And he expects more customers and more sales?!”

(I printed some receipt paper and wrote, ‘Since I haven’t worked for the past month, let’s make it official. I quit. Signed, [My Name]’ and taped it to his office door. Not surprisingly, the business closed a few weeks later.)

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10

| Right | July 2, 2014

(I work in a video game store where you can give back old games to get a discount on other ones. It’s a slow day, and a somewhat older female customer comes to the counter.)

Me: “Oh, hello, ma’am. What can we do for you?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve found my son’s old educational games while dusting off shelves, and I’d like to buy him something new.”

(I pass the games to a coworker, so she can check out prices and the disks’ states, while I help the customer with choosing a game.)

Coworker: “Err, ma’am, there’s something wrong with the games.”

Customer: “What?”

(My coworker shows us the disks. It’s actually stuff like ‘GTA,’ ‘Call of Duty,’ ‘Saints Row’ and other 18-rated games.)

Me: “How old is your son, ma’am?”

Customer: “He’s 14… Why?”

Coworker: “Well, those games are not for people under 18. Due to violence, nudi—”

(The customer storms out, leaving the games on the counter. 15 minutes later, she comes back dragging her son by the arm and with the original boxes.)

Customer: *to her son* “These. 18-rated games. Explain.”

(The customer’s son explained that he asked a friend’s older brother to go and buy the games for him. His mother left us the 18-rated games and their boxes.)

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5

Someone Toad Him Different

| Right | June 27, 2014

(I work at a well-known game store. The year is 2008.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Video Game Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have a copy of Battletoads?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “No, we do not, sadly.”

Customer: “That sucks.”

(About a week later:)

Me: *on the phone* “Hello. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Do you have a copy of Battletoads?”

Me: “No, sir, we do not!”

Caller: “It’s been five days. How come?!”

Me: *in shock* “IS THIS THE SAME CUSTOMER?!”

Caller: “Yes! I want my d*** Battletoads for my PS3, dumb-a**!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Battletoads has been out of print for 17 years now. And I doubt it’s on the PS3.”

Caller: “Well, YOU’RE just a d*** MORON?!” *hangs up*

Me: *shrugs*

(A day later, the same customer walks into the store.)

Customer: “HEY, YOU! I WANT MY BATTLETOADS!”

Me: “Sir, WE. DO. NOT. HAVE. BATTLETOADS!”

Customer: “My brother told me you have it. I want it NOW!”

Me: “You’re brother must’ve been mistaken.”

Customer: “I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT! I’M GONNA FIND MY D*** BATTLETOADS IF I’M GONNA HAVE TO DESTROY THIS ENTIRE STORE!”

(The customer then proceeds to go on a rampage through the entire store, knocking over multiple games and destroying several others. We had to call the police to arrest him. An hour later, his brother shows up)

Customer’s Brother: “Hey, my brother told me you guys ripped him off.”

Me: “Eh, you do know he was looking for a game called Battletoads, right?”

Customer’s Brother: “Oh, god. I can’t believe he fell for that. I told him to do that just to get that moron out of my house. I’m so sorry about that.”

Me: “It’s okay.”

Customer’s Brother: “I’m surprised he didn’t even know about that prank anyway.”

(Turns out that asking for ‘Battletoads’ at any video game store is a popular prank done by people to piss off the employees.)

French Disconnection

| Right | June 20, 2014

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a specific game for my son and want to know if you have it there.”

Me: “I can certainly check that for you, sir. What’s the name of the game?”

Customer:John Dark.”

(I look it up under both ‘John’ and ‘Dark,’ but nothing comes up.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to find a game by that name in my system here. Are you sure that’s the name of the game?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m 100% sure. It’s for his PSP.”

(At the mention of the PSP, I realize which game he’s talking about, and find it rather quickly.)

Me: “Ah, I see. The name of the game is actually Jeanne d’Arc, and yes, we do have—”

Customer: “No, that’s not the name of it. It’s John Dark.”

Me: “I mean no offense by this, but I understand that it may be a little hard to pronounce. It’s Jeanne d’Arc. It’s actually French for ‘Joan of Arc.'”

Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you need to know French to play the game. It’s all in English; only the title is French.”

Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French! And it’s John Dark!” *hangs up*

(I think that’s the end of it, but a little later that day, a man comes into the store and makes a beeline for the PSP rack, and finds the game.)

Customer: “I want to by this game here, John Dark.”

(I decide not to correct him, thinking there’s no reasoning with him, hoping I can just get him checked out quickly. As I’m getting the game, he comments.)

Customer: “Yeah, I called earlier and one of your guys lied to me about this game.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that, sir. What did he say?”

Customer: “He said that you have to speak French to play this game! But my son said you don’t have to speak French! And he doesn’t even speak French!”

Me: “I deeply apologize for that, sir. I can assure you that you don’t need to understand French to play this game.”

Customer: “Good. I’m glad I was able to find this John Dark game for my son!”

(A regular customer of mine is nearby, and can’t stand hearing this guy talk.)

Regular: “No offense, dude, but it’s called Jeanne d’Arc. I don’t even know French but I can still tell that that’s French for ‘Joan of Arc.'”

Customer: “BUT MY SON DOESN’T SPEAK FRENCH!”