I work in a video game store that rents console time. At the time of this story, I have a bit of a cold, so I’m wearing a surgical mask and I have occasional coughing fits.

Today, a group from the local high school is playing. For some reason, they seem to find me coughing amusing, as when they hear it, they start mock-coughing and laughing.

When it comes to paying, they still are mock-coughing when they think I’m not looking. I’m so fed up that, as they are about to receive their change, I remove my mask and proceed to cough on the coins before I hand them to them. Obviously, they look offended, to which I answer, “Sorry, since you seemed to find my coughing funny, I thought you’d find hilarious if I coughed on your change.”

I’m usually not this petty, but they seem to understand and leave without saying anything.

(I work at a board game store that has three locations. I’m usually at our location inside the local mall which, for obvious reasons, has a lot more toys than the other two locations. A family of about four adults and one small child comes in and wanders around the store. I don’t see the kid playing at the train table, which is probably our biggest attraction for small kids, nor do I see him play at all with the Plus Plus demo table — like Legos but all one shape. What I do see when I look over is the kid happily taking apart one of two Lego models my manager spent all morning putting together a few days ago to show what they look like as we still have several of those two models in stock.)

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not what that’s for; it’s for display. Could you please not let him do that?”

Mom: “What? It was out there. I didn’t realize this was a toy store where you can’t play with any of the toys!”

Me: “We have other things he can play with; we’d just really rather he not take apart the Legos. I’m sorry those ones weren’t labeled like the ones at the counter are—”

Mom: *interrupting* “Well, they should be! I can’t believe he can’t even touch the toys! What kind of toy store is this, anyway?!”

Me: *trying to come up with an answer that won’t offend her further*

Mom: *dumps Lego pieces in my hands* “Well, I’m sorry we didn’t realize that he can’t play with the toys. We’ll be on our way, then, and I’m sorry to have bothered you!”

Me: *after them as they already are leaving* “He can play with the trains… or the Plus Plus…”

(Two other customers who saw the whole thing reassured me that I had not been rude at all. Fifteen minutes later, I got a call. The woman on the phone asked for my manager. I was the only employee at this location, and I was pretty sure the manager over all the locations was not at work, so I told her when my store manager would be back: two days from then. I’m certain it was her, wanting to complain that I wouldn’t let her small child tear our Lego model to bits.)

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(I have just ticked over the twelve-month mark as a store manager for a nationwide video game retailer. My predecessor was quite spineless and let customers walk all over our staff, including encouraging them to break policy for refunds and the like. To help rebuild staff morale, I have given every full-time staff member one “f*** off” a year. If a customer is being difficult or belligerent, the staff member can tell the customer to f*** off and ban them from the store. I will back my team all the way to corporate if they use this, because I know they have the store’s best interest at heart. I am the first one to use this, in the last month. A man approaches my register with a new release game, marked at full price.)

Customer: “I want to do a deal with you guys. [Competitor #1] across the mall have this game for $79.” *$20 cheaper than us* “But, if you promise to sell it to me for $59, I’ll buy another two game from you that are worth $50. What do you say?”

Me: “I’m sorry, if you can find the game cheaper elsewhere then I recommend you go for it as I can’t reduce the price beyond a price match.”

Customer: “Okay, then. Okay, then. I know that [Competitor #2] is selling this game at $59. Will you beat that?”

Me: “No, because according to their website they’re selling the game at $85.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s one of those special ‘in-store only’ sales! It’s not online!”

Me: “Odd. When were you there?”

Customer: “About ten minutes ago.”

Me: “Hmm, well, I was there around half an hour ago on my break. I didn’t see that sticker. Either they did it in the last 20 minutes, or you misread the sign.”

Customer: “Listen. I am a very rich man and I shop here all the time. The owner of this store would be pissed if he knew what you were doing to me. I. Want. This. Game. For. $59. Got. It.?”

Me: “I will sell the game to you at $85 for a price match. No less.”

Customer: “I’m going to call your boss and see what he says.” *pulls out his phone*

Me: *picks up store phone before he has finished dialing* “You’re talking to the boss. F*** off.”

Customer: *shocked* “I… uh… What did you say to me?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I didn’t recognise you. Can I have your loyalty card, please?”

(The customer hands over his card and I scan it.)

Me: “Okay, thanks for that, Mr. [Customer]. As manager of this store, I inform you that you are no longer welcome on-site for displaying threatening behaviour. Now, f*** off before I call security.”

(My staff stood there with jaws open as he turned and left the store. I updated his loyalty account with details of his banning. One of my team used his “f*** off” the next week on a group of teenagers who were trying to jimmy our shelving racks. We have one staff member with one left; he reckons he’s saving his for Christmas.)

(I’ve been in retail for a long time and realise that most games console fault issues can be repaired simply by using the online troubleshooting guides, so each time I sell a console I politely tell the customer this. I’ve spent maybe 25 minutes with a male customer who is buying a birthday present for his son and he has been perfectly nice up to this point.)

Customer: “If there’s something wrong with it, can I bring it back?” 

Me: “We do offer a 21-day exchange policy, so if there’s a problem or you change your mind you can bring it back, providing it’s in a re-sellable condition. Then, we can give you a replacement, or an exchange for something different if you prefer.”

Customer: “What if it breaks after the 21 days, huh? What then?”

Me: “Well, you will be covered for the rest of the year through the console manufacturers. I find it’s much easier to contact them directly online or to search for [Console] troubleshooting. Generally, if there’s a problem or a fault with a console, it can be easily rectified online and it saves a lot of hassle of sending your console off for repair and waiting for a replacement.”

Customer: “No, if there’s a problem after 21 days, I’m bringing it back here for a full refund, you stupid c***!”

At our game store, we used to have a policy that customers could try out any game in the store. It really helped cut down on returns. This meant, however, that we would get a few customers who would abuse this policy.

One man would come in almost daily and spend hours playing games, rarely purchasing anything.

When this happened, The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion had come out. The man was coming in daily and spent literally hours standing in one spot and playing the game. 

I would inform him every half hour or so that he needed to take a break and could not just play games all day. He would save, walk away for a minute, and jump right back to it when I started working on something else.

After a few days of this, I was tired of him.

The next time he came in, he played Oblivion for a solid five hours. I didn’t bother him once. When he finally took his leave of the game and I was sure he was gone, I loaded up his game and dumped almost a week’s worth of progress in one part of the map. Then, I sent his character across the map to the woods and left his character naked and alone. Finally, I deleted every save file except this one, and shut the game off.

The next time the man came in, he asked to play Oblivion. I gladly obliged, put the game in, and walked away. I can still remember him sputtering and frantically trying to search for a way to get his progress back.

When he demanded to know what had happened, I politely told him that this was a store game and everyone had access to the save files. If he wanted to be able to play without the risk of someone else having access to it, he would probably want to actually buy the game.

He was practically in tears when he left, but he did finally buy the game and take it home.