Flipping Through The Atlas

| San Jose, CA, USA | Language & Words, Top

(I am Filipino, but people often mistake me for Chinese due to my pale skin. Another Filipino co-worker comes in while I am working with a customer. We exchange greetings in Tagalog, a Filipino language with some Spanish influences.)

Customer: “Say that again. That thing you said to that other guy.”

Me: “Kumusta?”

Customer: “‘Cómo está’. That’s Spanish! What does a Chinese dude need to know Spanish for?”

Me: “Actually, I–”

Customer: “Say something else in Spanish!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t speak Spanish very well.”

Customer: “Come on! Say something!”

Me: “Vamanos?”

Customer: “Wow! Hey, do you speak Chinese?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Come on now! You must know some Chinese!”

Me: “Uh… I don’t know… ‘Ni hao’?”

Customer: “Now say something in Japanese!”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Japanese!”

Me: “Arigato?”

Customer: “Now do Russian!”

Me: “Vodka?”

For Ditzy Customers, Please Press 2

| Ontario, Canada | Technology, Uncategorized

(I am calling a customer to let them know that their order is in.)

Me: “May I please speak with Mrs.***?”

Customer: “Speaking.”

Me: “Hi there, this is Sarah, I’m calling from [store] to let you know that your order is in, and you can come pick it up anytime.”

*long pause*

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you were a recording!”

Not Down Low On The Download

| Ontario, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you have [this game] for PC?”

Me: “Yes, we do. It’s $30. Would you like to purchase it?”

Customer: “No thanks. I just wanted to see how much money I saved by downloading it instead.”

A Father’s Love Is Very Console-ing

| Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, could you give me some advice please?”

Me: “Sure, how can I help?”

Customer: “I was looking to buy a Nintendo 360 for my son.”

Customer’s Son: “Dad! It’s an Xbox360!”

Customer, to me: “This is how much help I need. Would you please?”

(Not So) Heavy Brain

| Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, welcome to [store]! Anything I can do for you?”

(Customer puts a copy of a video game on the counter.)

Customer: “I’m returning this game; it’s not for me.”

Me: “What didn’t you like about it?”

Customer: “It was the stupidest game ever! I walked around a house for 10 minutes, went to the mall, then my kid died and the credits rolled and it was over!”

Me: “Uh…those were the opening credits.”

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