A customer calls in and he sounds like a kid no more than maybe twelve or thirteen. Keep in mind that I’m female, and I sound it.

Customer: “Yeah, so, my name is [Customer], and last year, I gave somebody at your store $200 to give me [Game] early. So, if I give you $200, can I get [Game that isn’t out for another three months]?”

Me: “Sorry, no, nobody here would be willing to do that.”

Customer: “Why not?! I did it last year!”

Me: “And I’m willing to bet that if you really did, they’re no longer working for us.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll give you $300!”

Me: “No, thanks, that won’t really do me any good when I get fired.”

Customer: “I’ll give you $300.01, and that’s it!”

Me: “Yeah, like I said, that won’t do me any good when I get fired. Besides, [Game] isn’t out for a few months yet; I don’t have any copies to give you even if it wouldn’t get me fired.”

Customer: “You could come work for me. I work for [some gaming group that is specifically aimed at males].”

Me: “Yeah, sorry, I like my job.”

The customer sounds like he can’t believe his ears.

Customer: “You don’t want to work for [Group]?”

Me: “Nope. Sorry, can I put you on hold? Somebody’s on the other line.”

Coworker: “What’d they want?”

Me: “Offering me $200 for [Game].”

Coworker: “Man, these kids are stupid.”

A “Karen” type woman — middle-aged with a permanent scowl etched on her face — comes up to the counter in a huff with her ten-year-old-looking son. She plops down an Xbox One controller on the counter, in its box, and forks over the receipt.

Customer: “I want to return it because it doesn’t work. I want my money back.”

Me: “Do you have a rewards account?”

She gives me her information and I pull up her account. As I look over her receipt, I notice that it is a new controller, it was not purchased under her account, the warranty was declined, and it is past the thirty-day exchange policy. I explain this to her.

Me: “The best I can do is run the controller through our test system, trade it in as a defective, and put the money towards a different controller, as is our store policy on such matters.”

She won’t accept this, and now I’ve got about five people in line waiting on me. My manager is out sick, so I call another store to see what their take is, already knowing what policy is, and the manager of that store tell me exactly that. When I tell her what the other store manager told me, she starts fuming.

Customer: “Get your manager!”

Me: “I am the manager on duty.”

Customer: “Get your manager on the phone!”

Me: “She can’t answer because she is on medical leave and currently in surgery.”

Customer: “Get the assistant manager on the phone!”

I go to the back room to call her. She tells me what I am doing is right, but if the customer simply won’t accept it to just refund it back to her as a store credit, technically breaking policy. I go back and say exactly that, but she is still fuming.

Customer: “I wanted the refund in cash! I won’t leave the store until I get it!”

Even under all the stress, I held my resolve. I was kind and courteous, but also firm on what I could and could not do. And when she stood there, holding up the line like a petulant child, I had had enough. I gave her her receipt and her gift card and told her that was all I was authorized to do.

Then, I called to the next customer behind her that I could help them. She gave me the death glare, and I looked her straight in the eyes as she was forced to move over for the other customer.

I never saw her or heard from her, and she didn’t even leave me a bad review!

Me: “What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I am looking for the new Zelda game for my son to play on his Xbox.”

Me: “I am sorry, but that is a Nintendo-exclusive title so they have never made it for the Xbox.”

Customer: “Well, we saw it online. You probably just don’t feel like looking for it.”

Me: “That is not it at all! They really do not make the game for anything but Nintendo systems.”

Customer: “Fine, we will be taking our business elsewhere. I hope that you are happy about losing customers.”

Me: “…”

I notice a customer pulling out her checkbook and I interject.

Me: “I can’t take a check.”

Customer: “What do you mean, I can’t pay by check?”

Customer’s Friend: “Nobody takes checks anymore.”

Customer: “Why didn’t I know about this?”

Customer’s Friend: “Maybe if you got out more than once a year, you’d know these things.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t like paying cash!”

Customer’s Friend: “Use a card.”

Customer: “I don’t want to have a credit card!”

Customer’s Friend: “Your bank will give you a debit card for free.”

I was trying desperately to control my urge to cheer, and to thank the customer’s friend for saying EXACTLY what I wanted to say but couldn’t.

(It is the holiday season. The store has been very busy with last-minute shoppers.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “How much is [Game System]?”

Me: “Currently, £299, but there is a bundle with an extra controller and two games for only £350.”

Customer: “I’ll give you £10 for the bundle.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You heard me. £10 for the extra stuff.”

Me: “I’m afraid not. The price is £350 for the bundle and no less.”

Customer: “You drive a hard bargain. Tell you what. I’ll stretch to £50.”

(I am getting skeptical looks from my fellow cashiers and a large queue is forming.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the price is not up for negotiation.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable. No one in this mall has been willing to sell me anything!”

Other Customer: “Yeah, because this isn’t a d*** market stall!”

(The customer stormed out muttering. Turns out that he actually rang head office to complain about me. He did not get far.)