Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13

| Elk Grove, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer comes up to me holding two controllers.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to know what the differences are between these controllers.”

Me: “Well, this controller is wireless, and this one is wired.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means one of the controllers has a wire, and the other one does not.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Uh, one of the controllers has a physical cord that comes out of it.”

Customer: “But what does that mean?”

Me: “This controller has a cord to connect to the console. This other controller does not have a cord.”

Customer: “Ooh, so it’s like it’s wired!”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 11

All Fantasy Sales Are Final

| Baltimore, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Geeks Rule, Technology, Top

(I am at the midnight release for the video game “Final Fantasy XIII” with my friends. I don’t have a console that can play the game, but the store lets people purchase the release event promotional posters beforehand. There is only one poster in the store, and I had bought it a few days earlier. I’m also friends with most of the staff who are working there, including the manager.)

Customer: “Can I also buy that promotional poster?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but it has already been purchased.”

Customer: “There is no way it’s been purchased; it’s still there on the wall.”

Cashier: “It was purchased a week ago, but it just hasn’t been picked up yet.”

Customer: “So, just sell it to me; you’ll make twice the money.”

Cashier: “Sir, I can’t sell the poster, since it isn’t ours anymore.”

Customer: “I will give you twice what the other guy paid.”

(The customer is starting to get angry, so another cashier steps in.)

Cashier #2: “Didn’t you hear her? We can’t sell it to you.”

Customer: “Fine! If you won’t sell it to me, then I’ll just take it!”

(Both the manager and I have heard this. I decide to get my poster before this man does, and I catch the manager’s attention. I also just happen to be dressed like Auron from ‘Final Fantasy X’. I jump from my spot in line, and draw my fake sword.)

Me: “Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Don’t look to others for knowledge; this is your story.”

Customer: “I get it, but you are not getting that poster before I do!”

Me: “Every story must have an ending.”

(While this is going on, the manager takes the poster down, and puts it behind the counter. The customer gets to the spot where the poster had been, and looks at me, surprised.)

Customer: “How did you do that?”

Me: “I’m Captain Basch!”

(The customer stomps off angrily. The whole store gets a big laugh when I do actually pick up the poster.)

Duh, A Deer

| Levittown, NY, USA | Pets & Animals, Technology

(An elderly customer approaches me. She wants a game about duck hunting.)

Me: “Did you want a game about duck hunting, or buck hunting?”

(She keeps saying ‘duck’ at first, but then changes her mind.)

Customer: “Bucks!”

Me: “Okay, we have this one for $9.99. Did you also want a duck hunting game?”

Customer: “Great, but what is the difference between duck hunting and buck hunting?”

Me: “Well, in one game you hunt flying animals, and in the other one you hunt deer.”

Customer: “Oh! What is the difference between ducks and bucks?”

Me: “A duck is a bird, and a buck is a male deer.”

Customer: “Oh, wow! So ducks are those flying animals that you see overhead at amusement parks, and bucks don’t fly at all?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you so much! I’ll be back during this holiday season, just for you! You were so helpful!”

(She leaves as loud and happy as ever.)

Me: “Aaaand, I’m clocking out.”