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You Can’t Game A Gamer

, , , | Right | CREDIT: SandyPetersen | August 15, 2021

During the convention season, my small game company has a booth selling our products in the dealer’s room. We have a rather hot and heavy four days of sales activity with hyper-kinetic gamer geeks flush with cash and caffeine buying everything.

Customer: “We saw [Expensive Luxury Game] at [Other Store] and it was $50 cheaper.”

Me: “Great. You should buy it.”

Customer: “Don’t you want to beat their deal?”

Me: “I am literally the manufacturer of [Expensive Luxury Game]. [Other Store] bought their game either from me or from a distributor, who bought it from me. In either case, I already got paid for it once.”

Customer: *Looking victorious* “Then why should I buy it from you?”

Me: “No reason, really. Most of those games are bought from other sellers, not from my company directly. Maybe it’s cool to get it directly from the designer. I can sign it if you want.”

The customer walked off, kind of annoyed. Later, they came back and bought a copy from me without any discount.

Not Very Console-ing Behavior

, , , | Right | July 13, 2021

I’m the assistant manager of a local video game store. I’ve been out for a couple months due to health reasons, but I have been back to work for about a week. While I’m used to my fair share of dumb and unreasonable customers, usually it’s nothing too outrageous. Usually.

Customer: “I need a [Game Console].”

Me: “Okay, we have a couple of models in stock right now. They’ll be over in this case.”

Because of how we do things, we don’t sell new consoles. Any system we have is used, and we’ve only ever had used.

Customer: “I want a new one. I don’t wanna give my kid something that’s been touched.”

Me: “We don’t have any new [Console]s in stock, but there’s a [Retail Chain] just up the road that might have them.”

Customer: “I’m not going there. I want one here.”

Me: “We have no new systems. Not in the case, not in the back, nowhere.”

Customer: “Then order me one! I’m not leaving without one!”

I’m pretty annoyed already. Most people just settle for used or go somewhere else.

Me: “I can’t order anything for you. We don’t buy new systems.”

Customer: “WELL, BUY ONE OFF OF [LARGE ONLINE RETAILER]!”

Luckily for me, the owner of the store lets us deal with these types of customers however we see fit — within reason, of course.

Me: “Nah. You’re gonna leave.”

Customer: “No, I won’t! You’re going to get me a [Console]! For free now, since you’ve given me trouble!”

Me: “Nope. I’ve told you we don’t have new systems. We have never had new systems and probably never will.”

Customer: “WELL, I—”

Me: “You’re going to leave.”

Customer: “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!”

Me: “Someone far too old to be throwing a tantrum in a store because they can’t get their way. You’ve got one minute to leave before I call the cops for trespassing.”

She glares at me and storms out. I think nothing of it until a couple of hours later. My coworker tells me someone on the phone wants a manager. The store manager and owner are both out today, so I go to answer.

Me: “Hi, manager here.”

Customer: “One of your employees was so rude to me! I asked for a [Console] and she just threw me out!”

I recognize the voice as the woman from earlier.

Me: “She kicked you out just for asking about a [Console]?”

Customer: “Yes! I want her fired!”

Me: “Hmm… you sure you didn’t demand something we don’t have, after being told several times we didn’t have it, throw a screaming fit demanding it, and have to be told to leave several times?”

Customer: “THAT B**** IS LYING TO YOU! I did nothing wrong!”

Me: “I am that b****.”

Customer: “YOU F****** C***! I WANTED A MANAGER!”

Me: “I am the manager.”

Customer: “YOU’RE F****** NOT!”

Me: “If you’re gonna scream like that, I’m hanging up.”

Customer: “YOU’D BETTER—”

I hang up. She immediately calls back and starts yelling again.

Me: “Ma’am. I gave you options. You insisted on being unreasonably rude. Then, you thought it would be okay to call with a fake story to get someone fired because you didn’t get your way. I’m going to hang up again. If you continue to call back, I will consider that harassment and give your information to the cops, seeing as we have caller ID that gives me your full name.”

Customer: “YOU CAN’T—”

Me: “I can and I will. Repeatedly calling someone to yell at them is harassment. You also are banned from the store. If you come back in, we will call the cops. Understood?”

Customer: “I… You…”

Me: “Do not call back.”

I hang up again. My coworker shakes his head at me.

Coworker: “You haven’t missed that part of this place, have you?”

Me: “Nope. Not one bit.”

Holy Crap, This Unlocked Some Memories

, , , , , , , | Working | May 10, 2021

I am a manager at a video game store. In my off time at home, I often play PC games with my wife. In particular, we both like RuneScape, a medieval-themed MMORPG. One of my coworkers is also into RuneScape; he often talks and brags about his achievements to customers, much to their — and my — irritation. He has also had a habit of showing up late from time to time, and in some cases not showing up at all. This story takes place on my day off. My wife and I are playing a minigame on RuneScape when an announcement appears in chat.

Announcement: “News: [Coworker’s Username] has just achieved level 99 in all skills!”

Wife: “Wow, he finally maxed!”

Me: “Indeed. Shame he felt it necessary to skip out the morning shift to get it though, am I right?”

Wife: “I guess.”

Me: “Ah, well. I’ll congratulate him tomorrow. Maxing is a big achievement, after all.”

When he came in to work the following day, I congratulated him on maxing his account… and then fired him for excessive lateness because he was already on his last chance. Ironically, his RuneScape account would get banned a month later for using an unauthorized third-party bot program.

Customer Service Only Applies When You’re OUR Customer

, , , | Right | April 13, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I have an Xbox One and I want to get Red Dead Redemption for it. A friend has one for Xbox 360, and I played it on my Xbox One and it played, but I wanted to get the Xbox One version.”

Me: “The original Red Dead Redemption did come out on the 360, and it can play on the Xbox One, but the original didn’t come out on Xbox One; the sequel game did.”

Customer: “Well, I saw it at [Competitor]. Could you tell me if it would work on my console? And what the price is?”

Me: “I wouldn’t know what [Competitor] has in stock or what their prices are. I work here, so I can only tell you what our prices are and what we have in stock.”

Customer: “Could you call them and then call me back with the answer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that’s not something I can do; I’ve got work to do here. But I’m sure you can!” 

Customer: *Hangs up*

Seriously?

In Soviet Russia, Accent Speaks You, Part 2

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

My best friend and I are at the mall, intending to buy a recently released console accessory. We chat a bit as we line up at the desk. A tall clerk waves us over and greets us with a moderate Slavic accent.

Me: “Hey, do you have any of those new [accessories]?”

Cashier: “We do. Do you want just the one?”

Me: “Yes, thanks! Man, I was worried there’d be none left!”

He rummages around in the cupboard behind the registers but can’t find any.

Cashier: “Don’t worry. We have more in the back.”

Me: “Not a problem at all; take your time.”

He leaves, and I turn to see my friend staring bug-eyed at me.

Me: “What?”

Friend: “Bro, what the h***?”

Me: “What?”

Friend: “Were you… were you not doing that on purpose?”

Me: *Confused* “Doing what?”

Friend: *Incredulous* “[My Name], you copied his accent. Really, really badly.”

The interaction plays out again in my head and I realise that I did exactly that! The mounting horror must show on my face, because my friend start to crack up.

Friend: “Why did you do that? How didn’t you notice?!”

Me: “I don’t know!”

The cashier comes back with the gadget. I pay and mumble a quick thanks before scrambling out of the store.

Me: “Oh, my God! I even greeted him normally, so he must have known! Did he not notice, or does he get that so much he just puts up with it? Oh, man, I was a total a**hole! [Friend], you’re not allowed to tell anyone!”

Sorry, cashier buddy!

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In Soviet Russia, Accent Speaks You