Me: “Hello, how are you?”
Customer: “What country are you from?”
Me: “England.”
Customer: “Oh, no wonder you don’t speak English properly.”
This story is part of the Bad With English roundup!
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Read the Bad With English roundup!
Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you have those movies on circles?”
Me: “Do you mean DVDs?”
Customer: “Yes, that’s it, VDVs. Do you have those?”
Me: “Yes, right over here.”
(I leave the customer to browse and she comes back with a stack of DVDs to borrow).
Customer: “They’re good aren’t they, VDVs?”
Me: “Yes, they are. Very clear.”
Customer: “Yes, I love them. I can’t believe I waited so long to get a nice VD player.”
(I finish the loans and hand the customer her DVDs. As she’s leaving she sees a friend walking in).
Customer: “Oh! Cynthia! You need to come over for coffee. I finally got a VD!”
This story is part of our Old People & Technology roundup.
(A couple comes up to me and points to the traffic intersection just outside the store.)
Customer: “Excuse me, what is that strange beeping sound that is happening when the lights change?”
Me: “Oh, that is the audio signal system to let blind or visually impaired people know when to cross the street. Each way has its own sound.”
Customer’s Wife: “You let your blind people drive?!”
Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Service Provider]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “My cable TV isn’t working.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re a cell phone company.”
Customer: “I know, but I thought that you people would be able to help me with that anyway.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I can only assist you with your cell phone service.”
Customer: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Yes. I’m sorry, but we’re only trained to deal with phones. We don’t know anything at all about cable TV.”
Customer: “Oh, then who should I call?”
Me: “Do you have your cable bill with you?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Is there a 1-800 number on it?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “You need to call that number.”
Customer: “Oh. Thank you!”
This story is part of our Hilarious Wrong Number roundup!
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(It’s 10 pm. We are in the final motions of locking up: registers closed and lights off. I’m just locking the door.)
Customer: *runs up in a panic* “Oh, no! You are closed? It’s an emergency! I really need to buy one thing!”
Me: “Sorry, we’re closed. Maybe you could come back in the morning.”
Customer: “No! I can’t wait that long-this is an emergency! Please help me!”
Me: “Okay, I suppose I can help you quickly for an emergency. Do you need antibiotics or paracetamol or something?”
Customer: “I need a packet of hair pins!”
This story is part of the Closing Time roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
23 Times When Having To Work Overtime Should Have Been A Crime
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