Unfiltered Story #191272

, , , | Unfiltered | April 1, 2020

(I am the stupid customer here. I am at a mall, where I have just opened a new bank account. I decide to do some shopping an a popular store when I remember that I still need to cancel my old account. I decide to do this over the phone.)

Bank employee: *on phone* Okay, we’re almost done. Do you know there’s a fee to cancel?

Me: yes

Employee: Normally we would take the fee out of your current balance but it appears that you don’t have any money in your account.

Me: Oh, I transferred it to my new one. Can I pay by credit card?

Employee: Of course. Your total is [fee], please state your credit card number.

Me: *loud and clear* It’s [number]

Employee: Now I need your PIN.

Me: 1234.

(I finish the transaction and hang up. An employee at the store I’m in comes up to me.)

Store employee: Excuse me, I heard you from 2 aisles down and I would highly recommend you freeze your credit card and change your PIN.

(Yes, I had just stated all my credit card information as loud and clear as I could in the middle of a crowded store. Luckily I was able to change my PIN before anything happened.)

The Ending Of This Story Is The Cherry On Top

, , , , , , , | Right | March 31, 2020

(I run a fresh produce stall every Sunday at a local market. Everything is homegrown by either my dad or my grandpa. I’ve had people try to haggle on prices but as it’s extremely popular and we usually run out by the end of the day, I refuse.

I’m serving a customer when I see a guy in his fifties pick up a bunch of grapes and walk off, eating them. There’s not much I can do. Fifteen minutes later, I’m just finishing serving a customer when the guy comes back and starts picking through the cherries, eating the ones he likes, and spitting the seeds back into the box.)

Me: “Excuse me. Please don’t do that.”

Guy: “What? Don’t tell me what to do.”

(As I can no longer sell the cherries, I grab the box, roughly five kilos.)

Me: “Look, you already took a bunch of grapes and now I can’t sell these. You need to either pay for the grapes and the cherries or leave and not come back.”

(The guy turns red with anger.)

Guy: “Listen here, b****. I can do what I want. Since you’re not going to sell them, just give them to me.”

(The guy goes to grab the box.)

Me: “Leave now. And don’t come back; you’re no longer welcome here.”

(He goes to grab me when my previous customer grabs him by the arm.)

Customer: “Mate, I’d leave her alone if I were you, unless you want me to kick you from one end of the carpark to the other.”

(The guy goes to take a swing at him but realises that he’s at least 6’6” and almost all muscle.)

Guy: “It’s all s***, anyway. All you do is buy stuff at the supermarket and mark up the price.”

Me: “You seem to like it, considering you’ve eaten at least $10 worth. Now leave.”

(The muscular customer is still holding the guy by one arm.)

Customer: “Pay the nice lady for what you’ve eaten and made unsellable, and if I ever see you harassing her or anyone else here again, I’ll be using you for footy practice.”

(The guy reached into his pocket, pulled out $20, and threw it at me. The customer let him go and he ran off. I thanked the customer and offered him a refund and extra fruit but he declined. It turned out that his girlfriend was another stall holder, and from then on we always got stalls next to each other. I’m going to be a bridesmaid at their wedding in a few months!)

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Unfiltered Story #191239

, , | Unfiltered | March 31, 2020

(So after my appendix was removed, I’ve come to and been taken back to my room, I realise that because of the air pumps on my legs (to prevent blood clots due to not being able to move for a while) and about 5 hospital blankets on top of me, I’m getting extremely hot. I’m still coming off G.A. so i do something stupid:)

Me: *leans forward to get blankets off, ends up crying from pain in abdomen*

Nurse: *who happened to be passing my room* “Sweetie!? What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

Me: *laughing while also crying* “Yeah, i just managed to forget that they cut into me, I needed to get some blankets off me, and i stupidly tried to do it myself.”

Nurse: *begins chuckling a bit too* “That was a bit stupid. You should’ve called your nurse. Here.” *She takes all but one blanket off me* “Better?”

Me: “Much, thanks.”

(When my surgeon came to check on my dressings, it turns out that i’d just very slightly managed to split the wound under my naval. I’m dumb…)

Jon Who Likes Gold Is Also Screwed

, , , , , , | Working | March 24, 2020

I have started a new job and am receiving logins for various computer programs. One requires me to provide answers to security questions in case I forget my password.

I pick a question: “What is your favourite colour?” I type, “Blue.”

“Your answer must be at least five characters.” 

So, for a question you’re supposed to give an answer to that you’ll remember, answers including “Red,” “Pink,” or “Blue” are not allowed. Other questions were “Mother’s maiden name” and “Favourite cousin” — let’s hope your favourite isn’t Jane or Max!

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One Day Will Be Her Last Call

, , , , , | Right | March 22, 2020

(As I pull up to the bowser at a petrol station, I notice a dark-haired woman in her 30s at the next bowser talking on her phone as she finishes filling up. When I finish and go to pay she is at the counter. There is another customer behind her, and then there is me.)

Attendant: *talking to [Customer #1]* “You are not allowed to use your phone when filling up or around the bowsers.”

Customer #1: “Oh, why not?”

Attendant: “It is dangerous, and if my boss sees you doing it, I can get in a lot of trouble, and so can you.”

Customer #1: “Why is it dangerous?”

(The attendant goes on to explain how a spark from the phone could cause an explosion, and there are signs at all the bowsers warning people not to use their phones. [Customer #1] suddenly sounds concerned and remorseful.)

Customer #1: “Oh, dear, I’m terribly sorry; I won’t do it again.”

(She then picks up her phone she had put on the counter — still connected to a call — puts it to her ear, and carries on with her conversation.)

Customer #1: “Did you hear that? Using a phone at the petrol station is dangerous!”

(She continued to talk on the phone as she got to her car and drove off. [Customer #2], the attendant, and I all looked at each other dumbfounded.)

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