Not Just The Watermelons That Are Hollow

, , , , , , | Related | October 25, 2018

(I am going grocery shopping with my mum when she stops to pick up a watermelon. To my bemusement, she brings the melon up to her ear and starts hitting the side of it.)

Me: *staring at her* “Um…. what are you doing?”

Mum: “[Uncle] told me this trick with watermelons! You hit it, and you can tell by how it sounds whether or not it’s fresh.”

Me: “So, how is it supposed to sound if it’s fresh?”

Mum: “That’s the thing; I forgot! It either sounds hollow if it’s fresh, or hollow if it’s not. I forgot which one is which!” *continues picking up watermelons and hitting them*

Me: “Well, what’s the point of banging on them all if you don’t know what sound you’re looking for?

Mum: *pauses*

Me: *stares*

Mum: *resumes her assault on the watermelons*

(I’ve given up trying to understand the logic in this woman’s thought processes.)

Should Have Waited Until He Got To The Registers

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2018

(I am tidying around my department in a big box store when I find a customer’s wallet on the floor nearby. Store policy is to have two employees present when you open the wallet to check for identification. I grab a nearby associate and we open the wallet, locate the customer’s driver’s license, and take the wallet to the customer service desk where I page the customer to the desk by name. Shortly after paging I see a man storming up to the desk.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did yo—”

Customer: “Why the h*** did you page me? It’s embarrassing!”

Me: “Sir, we found your wallet.”

Customer: “I have my d*** wallet. And I have shopping to do!”

(The customer turns to leave.)

Me: “Sir! Could you please just humour me and check for your wallet?”

Customer:I have shopping to do, and I have my d*** wallet.”

Me: “Then how did I get your name to page you?”

(The customer stopped walking away from the desk, patted down the back pocket of his jeans, and when he couldn’t find his wallet, stomped back to the desk, grabbed it from me, and stormed off without so much as a thank-you.)

In The Name Of Love, Whatever It Is

, , , , , | Romantic | October 9, 2018

(There’s a regular who comes in once a week or so and talks my ear off the whole time. He talks at me, doesn’t ask me anything about myself, and doesn’t seem to listen to me when I do get a word in edgewise. I listen politely for as long as I can, but I am at work so I usually excuse myself after twenty minutes or so. Then, he comes in again.)

Regular: “Hey! I need to talk to you.”

Me: *currently with other visitors* “Okay. Sure. Give me a second.”

Regular: “Will you go out with me?”

Me: *stunned but not wanting to be mean* “Uh… We can discuss that but I have to finish helping these people.”

Regular: “I think you and I have a real connection. I’m in love with you.”

Other Visitor: “You know what? We’ll… we’ll wait, if you want to deal with this. It’s okay.”

Regular: “I’m in love with you.” *raising his voice* “I love you!”

(There’s several visitors nearby and all of them look over.)

Me: “Uh. Okay. Cool. That’s very nice, but I have a boyfriend.”

Regular: “But he doesn’t love you like I love you! You and I are perfect for each other!”

Me: “Dude. Look. I’m very flattered, but I don’t feel that way about you.”

Regular: *completely unembarrassed and smiling* “That’s not true! I know you love me, too. We understand each other.”

Me: “We really don’t. Please stop.”

Regular: *laughs* “Don’t be silly. Come on.”

Me: “Seriously? I am at work, I have a boyfriend, and I am not interested. Okay?”

Regular: “But your boyfriend doesn’t get you like I do!”

Me: “Oh, really? Hey, quick question: What’s my name?”

Regular: *smile fading* “What?”

Me: “What’s my name?”

Regular: “Oh. Uh. It’s… Um…” *getting flustered* “Well, that doesn’t matter. I love you! I don’t need to know your name to love you!”

Me: “I’m going to walk away now. Please leave.”

(He kept shouting how he loved me while I walked away and went out into the store room. One of the security guards had to come over and explain to him that a woman being nice to you while she’s at work doesn’t mean anything. He hasn’t come in since.)

Maybe Don’t Put Them In At The Same Time…

, , , | Right | October 6, 2018

(A woman comes in looking for a cat carrier, so I show her where the carriers are.)

Customer: “But this has a picture of a dog on it.”

Me: “Yes, but you can use it for your cat. I use one for my rodents.”

Customer: “Really? But there’s a dog on it; that’s so strange. Are you sure it will be okay for my cat?”

Me: “Yes, as long as your cat can turn around, it’s okay.”

Customer: “Amazing!”

Ihely The Eighth

, , , , , , , | Learning | September 30, 2018

(I live in Australia. My ninth-grade history class is doing a task involving presenting a replica artifact to a seventh-grader, who fills out a sheet with a couple of questions about it. A pair of girls — both white, so I’d assume they’d be familiar with Western name structure — come up to me and my friend. While he’s stuck with a girl who doesn’t know the meaning of law, I get this one. The first thing to fill out on the sheet is the name of the ninth-grader they’re talking to.)

Girl: “What’s your name?”

Me: “Henry.”

Girl: “Can you spell that?”

Me: “Uh… H-E-N-R-Y.”

(She wrote, “I-H-E-L-Y.”)

Page 5/29First...34567...Last