I work at an animal hospital and have to deal with clients and their ridiculously spoiled pets. If a client asks, we will give their pets a bath while they board at the hospital.

One woman who boards her poodle used to have us give him a bath, but one day while she is dropping her dog off, she tells us explicitly:

Client: “Do not give my dog a bath!”

Me: “Oh. May I ask why?”

Client: “When I picked up [Dog] from here last time, he told me that while you were giving him a bath, you molested him! Only medical check-ups from now on!”

The dog TOLD HER that we MOLESTED him.

CONTENT WARNING: Gross

A customer has just finished at the vet’s and is about to leave with her dog, which she is carrying.

Receptionist: “Ma’am, you need to pay for your appointment before you leave.”

She huffs and walks over to the desk to pay.

Receptionist: “Will that be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Can I just tap it?”

Receptionist: “Okay, go ahead.”

She taps her card and hurries toward the exit.

Receptionist: “Excuse me! Sorry, ma’am, but you will still need to put in your PIN as the amount was over the $100 pay-pass limit.”

Customer: “You mean I have to come back over there? No, I’ve paid.”

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, but you haven’t. I need you to come back over and put in your PIN before you leave, please.”

She walks back over to the reception desk looking very uncomfortable.

Receptionist: “Thank you, ma’am.”

The reason for the customer’s behaviour became apparent as a stream of diarrhoea flowed down her legs and the smell filled the building. It was all over the floor, the customer, her clothes, and her shoes, which happened to be flip-flops.

She finished putting in her PIN, didn’t say a word, and walked out, her thongs flicking up liquid poo in a trail behind her.

Many years ago, I had two cats who were sisters from the same litter: Miles and Kaylynn.

After a move to a new city, I dropped them off for their shots and warned the people at the vet’s office that Miles was protective over Kaylynn and not to have them out at the same time, or she would probably attack them for touching her sister.

When I came to pick them up, I was confronted by a very upset vet tech and the vet.

Vet: “Your cat is vicious and will need to wear a muzzle and be sedated if she is allowed back here.”

The tech held out her arm which had multiple bloody scratches.

Tech: “She attacked me and bit the vet twice!”

Me: “You mean Miles? The short hair? Was this during a shot?”

Vet: “We had already finished with her, and when we took the other one out and started to give her a shot, she growled and attacked us!”

Me: “I did tell you not to have them out at the same time because Miles is protective of her sister. If she attacked you, that was your fault.”

Tech: “That animal is evil, and I refuse to work on her again.”

Vet: “We’ve never had issues with animals from the same house out together before. There’s something wrong with your cat, and I don’t know that she’ll be allowed to return.”

Me: “That’s fine; I have no intention of bringing either of them back here when you can’t listen to simple instructions and blame the cat for something you were informed would happen.”

The vet and tech kept insisting there was something wrong with my cat, all because she was her sister’s protector. I never took either one of them back there, and I eventually found a different vet that both girls adored. None of the techs ever had a bad thing to say about either cat at the new place, probably because they did as I warned them and never tried to treat Kaylynn when Miles was outside her carrier.

I work as a receptionist at a vet’s office. This call I received was from the most dimwitted yet devoted vet receptionist I have ever spoken with.

Receptionist: “Hi. I’m calling about a new client coming into the area, but the previous vet they put down was just ‘[City] vet clinic’, so I’m calling all the vets in [City] to see if they have the records.”

Me: “Okay, well, you know there’s a vet clinic called ‘[City] Vet Clinic’? Would you like their number?”

Receptionist: “Yeah, they’re on my list to call, but if you don’t mind checking your records for me, that would be great!”

I face-palm, take the information, and check the records to entertain myself.

Me: “Nope, we don’t have them in our system.”

Receptionist: “Okay! Thanks!”

After the call, I looked at the caller ID, and she was calling from a vet’s office in Minnesota. We’re in Michigan. But there is a [City] in Minnesota. I did a quick Google search and, yup, there’s a [City] Vet Clinic in Minnesota. She probably wasn’t even calling the right state.

As anyone who works in the veterinary industry knows, random people will crawl out of the woodwork and over hot coals to ask you for veterinary advice at any time. I have plenty of stories between colleagues and me about the acquaintance from high school who messages out of the blue after seven years, or, in one friend’s case, a partner’s cousin’s girlfriend who insisted on reaching out through text message about her dog.

This recent one from my coworker really takes the cake, though.

My coworker was having some advanced dentistry work done, and they were going to be sedated. The last step prior to sedation was to place a device in their mouth to keep the mouth open for access after they became unconscious. As you might imagine, this really inhibits one’s ability to speak.

My coworker was sitting in the dental chair, IV catheter placed, dental device just placed, and soon to be sedated. That’s when a dental assistant decided it was the right time to start a conversation.

Dental Assistant: “Oh, you work in a veterinary office, is that right?”

Unable to speak well, my coworker nodded.

Dental Assistant: “Well, my dog has had these chronic ear infections. The vet is talking about allergies and possibly doing a food trial and [other things]. Does that sound right to you?”

My coworker mumbled as politely and verbally as they could. I seriously don’t get people.