I took a call from a woman wanting to schedule a neuter for her Italian Greyhound. We had a long, rational discussion about anesthesia, pricing, pre- and post-op considerations, etc. I’d entered her and her dog’s information, scheduled the appointment, advised her regarding fasting, and was about to hang up when she just had one more question.

Woman: “Just out of curiosity, do you remove the testicles completely, or is it that new thing I’ve heard about where you just deflate them?”

I managed to answer the question and hang up before I burst out laughing, but I couldn’t get the picture out of my head of our doctor poking the dog’s scrotum with a needle and the dog flying around the room like a balloon.

A client brings their three-year-old German Shepherd to have his nails done. After they have checked in, the client takes a flea preventative out of her bag. She bought three individual pieces when she actually wanted the entire six-pack. Whether this was our error or the client’s error is unknown because she bought this two months ago and we would have deleted the voicemail request.

We aren’t allowed to return medication that has gone home. My supervisor is trying to work with her, but the lady is being unreasonable.

Supervisor: “Why did you wait two months to tell us that you got the wrong amount?”

Client: “I didn’t realize until now!”

Individual pieces come in a small clear plastic bag; six-packs come in a box. The price between the two sizes is noticeable.

Client: “This is your fault and I demand you refund me!”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, but we are unable to refund you. Legally, we are not allowed to accept returns for medications that have been taken home, let alone medications that we were sold months ago.”

Client: “This is ridiculous! I demand a refund!”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, but as I said, ma’am, I legally cannot refund you. I can put a note in your dog’s chart that the next time you request the flea preventative you want the six-pack, but that’s all I can do for you.”

The client and the supervisor continue to have a back and forth, with my very experienced supervisor remaining calm and polite while the client begins to get shrill and rude. The technicians have not grabbed the dog yet because they don’t want to interrupt the conversation, but it has already been at least five minutes and if we wait any longer, it might put us behind.

Finally, a technician comes up to the lady and gently interrupts.

Technician: “Hi! I’m here to take your dog back for his nail trim!”

The lady begrudgingly hands the dog off to the tech, and once the dog is behind a closed door — standard practice for nail trims; we do them in the back — she yells:

Client: “I bet that you people are going to hurt my dog and trim his nails really short to hurt him because you think I was rude to you!”

The dead silence that follows her statement is met only by the cold fury that my supervisor projects. In a clipped tone, my supervisor says:

Supervisor: “Ma’am. We are professionals. We would never do anything like that. For you to assume that we would hurt your dog in retaliation for your attitude is unbelievable. That is incredibly disrespectful, and if you ever say anything like that to us again, I will bar you from this clinic.”

The lady huffs and sits down without saying another word. The rest of the clients in the waiting room avoid her gaze. After the techs are done with the dog (with a proper and professional nail trim that results in no bleeding ends), the client pays us and walks out with a grumbled:

Client: “Sorry, thanks.”

You aren’t in the vet practice because you love money or people; you are there because you love animals! Show some kindness and understanding, especially when it comes to anyone in a clinic!

CONTENT WARNING: Animal Death

Years ago, my aunt was positive that her Samoyed was pregnant. The vet told her she was wrong.

One night, the Samoyed gave birth to one huge pup. The same night, the neighbors’ Doberman died giving birth. The two Doberman pups were given to the Samoyed along with her one pup.

My aunt took all three pups to the vet.

Vet: “Okay, you were right about your Samoyed being pregnant… but there’s no way you can expect me to believe that these two pups are hers!”

A week ago, we were told of a scam call that one of my colleagues received. Someone claimed to have made an erroneous payment of £21 on our website and wanted a refund… but we don’t take online payments on our website!

Me: “[Vet Practice], [My Name], how can I help?”

Scammer: “Hey, pal, we made a mistake on your website and we’ve paid some money to your account. £21.”

Me: *Dripping with sarcasm* “Did you now?! Really?! Oh, my gosh!”

Scammer: “Yeah, right, and basically, you’ve not receive—” *Corrects himself* “I’VE not received payment back of yous and I’d like to know why.”

Me: “Oh, really! So you registered online with us and paid an amount of £200…”

Scammer: “No! No… No… £21 I paid.”

Me: “Oh, £21? And did you phone about this earlier already?”

Scammer: “No.”

Me: “No, really? Because we had the exact same thing happen the other day! It is such a coincidence, isn’t it?!”

Scammer: “It is!”

Me: “What is your postcode?”

Scammer: *Clearly making one up on the spot* “[Manchester area, 350km from us].”

Me: “It might be worth it, if you want to run a scam, to you look in your area because we are in London!”

Scammer: *Pauses* “I know you are in London.”

Me: “So, why would you want to register with us while you are in Manchester?”

Scammer: *Pauses* “Well, that’s the thing, that’s what I can’t understand. We paid £21 via Paypal to yous.”

Me: “That’s another funny thing. Our website is not set up to take payments via Paypal, so that is also not possible.”

Scammer: *Scrambling for words* “Er… er… ehm… it was for registering a microchip! That was what it was!” *Pauses*

Me: “Funny that! That’s not something clients do. That is something we do for clients, so that is also not possible!”

Scammer: “Right… so you… your website has been scammed, then.”

Me: “No, no, our website is fine.”

Scammer: “Er… erm…” *Cheerily* “No worries! I will go to the bank, then, and chase it.”

Me: “I think that is your best option, too. Good luck!”

Scammer: *As if we’ve just had the most normal conversation* “Thank you very much, pal! Bye!”

I am working late at a veterinary hospital and a note was left for the doctor. The phone rings, and I answer.

Me: “[Veterinary Hospital], my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Owner: *Politely* “Hi there. I left a note for the doctor this afternoon and I haven’t heard back yet. My pet’s name is [Pet] and my last name is [Owner’s Last Name]. I was wondering if we could fill antibiotics for my pet?”

Me: “Okay, let me look that up for you!” *Typing* “Oh, I see the doctor won’t be in until tomorrow. Sorry about that. My coworker should have let you know! She’ll get back to you tomorrow, but I’ll let you know that standardly the doctor does require a recheck exam prior to filling antibiotics, especially since it’s been a couple months since we’ve seen the pet!”

Owner: *Silence*

Me: *Pauses* “Ma’am, did I lose you?”

Owner: *Suddenly angry* “No, I heard you, but that’s theft.”

Me: *Shocked* “What?”

Owner: “That’s theft to demand a recheck!”

Me: “Ma’am, I was letting you know so you have a realistic expectation of tomorrow’s call with the doctor and to see if you wanted to make the appointment.”

Owner: “That’s theft!”

Me: *Sternly, getting back my senses* “No, it is not.”

Owner: “Yes, it is!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you continue yelling at me, I will have to hang up.”

Owner: *Yelling* “I’m not yelling!”

Me: “Yes. You are.”

Owner: “I’ll talk to the doctor tomorrow!” *Hangs up*