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Business Cat Like A Boss

| Right | August 13, 2012

(Note: We are a very small vet clinic and have no office manager. We do have a clinic cat which stays at the counter during the day and he has been jokingly called our office manager.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Good afternoon! I’d like to make an appointment today for my dog’s vaccines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re completely booked for today. We’re looking at some time late this week or early next week.”

(Suddenly, the heretofore nice caller goes completely ballistic. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs.)

Caller: “LISTEN, I WANT AN APPOINTMENT NOW! How dare you talk to me in that tone! You make me an appointment for today, right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re booked for today.”

Caller: “You are such a liar! I have never been treated like this before! You are the most rude person I have EVER talked to! I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED. I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR OFFICE MANAGER, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “We don’t have an office manager here, sir. I can have you speak to the owner, though.”

Caller: “Don’t you lie to me! I’LL HAVE YOUR A** FIRED. PUT ME ON RIGHT NOW!”

(This goes on for a few minutes. I try to calm him down and have him speak to the owner, but he keeps screaming. I look up to see our clinic cat watching me and I get an idea.)

Me: “Sir, you’re right. We do have an office manager, but he wasn’t in yet so I had to tell you we didn’t have one.”

(He keeps ranting, and I put the phone near our cat. Note that he’s yelling loud enough for me to hear. The man continues to scream over the phone for a couple minutes before he pauses.)

Caller: “You’re going to tell that to your employee, right?!”

Clinic Cat: “Meow?”

Caller: *hangs up*

Dispense With The Pedantries

, , , | Right | July 20, 2012

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was in here yesterday and picked up a liquid allergy medication for my dog.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “You didn’t give me the right syringe to give it to them.”

(The customer places a bottle of medication and a plastic 3CC syringe on the counter. I pick up the syringe and the bottle, which instructs the owner to give 5CCs orally, three times per day. I test the syringe to make sure that it’s working properly.)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but what problem do you seem to be having with this?”

Customer: “Can’t you see that the instructions say to give 5CCs per day?!”

Me: “I can see that.”

Customer: “Then why did you only give me a 3CC dispenser?”

Me: “Well, we don’t have any 5CC syringes. You’re supposed to fill the syringe up to the 3CC mark, dispense it, and then give another 2CCs.”

Customer: “But that’s not 5CCs.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “That just isn’t going to work! 3CCs plus 2CCs isn’t 5CCs!”

(I decide not to argue with her, so I go back into the back and grab another 3CC syringe.)

Me: “I’m sorry about the mix-up. The doctor is very sorry. He says to give the dog the first syringe clear full. Then, fill this new syringe up to the 2CC mark and dispense that orally.”

Customer: “Well, why couldn’t you have done that in the first place?!”


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Color Me Stupid, Part 3

, , , | Right | February 4, 2012

Customer: “I have a new kitten for an appointment.”

Me: “Okay, let me get some information from you…”

(I get a lot of information and come to the question about color.)

Me: “And what color is the cat?”

Customer: “It’s cream.”

Me: “Cream and white?”

Customer: “No, just plain cream-colored!”

(We get back to the room and I take the cat out of the carrier. It’s a black cat.)


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Why So Serious

, , , | Right | January 18, 2012

(I am a vet assistant helping a woman who has brought in a small, very hyper dog. I lift the dog up on the table and it starts jumping all over the place.)

Me: *jokingly* “It must be part kangaroo!”

Woman: *very pointedly* “It’s. A. Dog.”

Me: *speechless*


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Bestial Superiority Complexes

, , , | Right | August 30, 2011

(I’m a customer at the vet with my cat. Another customer walks in with a large dog.)

Receptionist: “Good morning! Do you have an appointment?”

Customer: “No, I just need to see the vet for vaccinations.”

Receptionist: “I’ll let him know you’re in, but you will have to wait. We have another patient with an appointment waiting.”

Customer: *looks at my cat* “But it’s just some cat! My dog is a pure breed and it cost 1000 euros!”

Me: “And your point is?”

Customer: “I’m in a hurry! Can’t you just wait a bit longer? Your cat isn’t a pure breed.”

Me: “Yes, but she has an appointment and your purebred dog doesn’t.”

(At this point, the vet comes in and asks me to bring my cat. As I walk in the exam room, I can hear the customer complaining.)

Customer: “No self-respecting vet would make a pure breed wait!”


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