No, There’s Not An App For That

, , , | Healthy | January 15, 2018

(I work for a vet clinic.)

Me: “[Clinic]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my dog is coughing. Do you know why?”

Me: “Well, that could be any number of reasons. You’d really need to come in for us to know.”

Customer: “Oh, so, you can’t diagnose over the phone?”

Me: “No?”

This Is Not A Test(es)

, , , | Healthy | January 11, 2018

(I work as a receptionist in a small, single-doctor veterinary practice. A first-time dog owner drops off his 6-month-old male Golden Doodle to be neutered. The surgery is routine, and the dog goes home that evening. I get this phone call the following day.)

Me: “Good morning. [Veterinary Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Client: “This is [Client]. I brought Fluffy in to be neutered yesterday. Did you also remove his testicles?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Client: “Did the doctor remove Fluffy’s testicles yesterday when he was in to be neutered?”

Me: “Y-yes. That’s what the procedure is.”

Client: “I wish someone had explained that to me before I agreed to the surgery. Dr.

[Name] only said Fluffy would be castrated, not that his testicles would be removed.”

Me: “…”

Should Give Them Paws For Thought

, , | Healthy | January 3, 2018

(I work at the front desk of a veterinary hospital. The Saturday right before Thanksgiving, a man approaches me.)

Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need new food for my cat.” *he hands me an old prescription diet card that looks to have expired months ago*

Me: “Okay. Are you a client of ours or do you have an outside vet?”

Customer: “Outside vet.”

Me: “Did you bring a note from your vet to renew the prescription?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: *after a second, I look up his pet in our system* “Well, we have their phone number on file. Let me just give them a ring and confirm.”

(After a minute or so, I get a message saying that the other hospital is closed for the day.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t renew this prescription without authorization from your vet.”

Customer: *visibly annoyed* “You seriously can’t help me with this?”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “I guess my cat will just have to starve then.”

Me: “I guess. Or you could feed it regular food.”

That’s One Ticked Off Dog

, , , | Healthy | December 5, 2017

I was working the other day when a client called in frantically about her dog having a tick on it’s leg. I asked the doctor if we had time to fit her in and he agreed to see the dog.

The client arrives on time and we get her and her dog into an examination room. I happen to overhear her telling the vet that she had tried burning the tick off, tweezing it, and pulling it off.

The doctor looked at it for a few moments, looked up, and said, “Ma’am, this is a mole.”

It’s A Dog’s (Very Short) Life

, , , , , | Right | December 2, 2017

(A customer calls us up asking for her dog to be euthanised. From the call, her dog seems to be extremely old, and suffering considerably. As she isn’t registered with us, we offer to take a look. I am called into the reception after she arrives.)

Receptionist: “[My Name], this is the, umm, ‘old’ dog.”

(I see the customer holding what a dog that I would say is about five or six. It seems perfectly happy and content.)

Me: “Sorry, Mrs. [Customer #1], I thought your dog was elderly and in poor condition.”

Customer #1: “It is! Just look at him. He’s barely holding on. He’s much too old. Just take him, please.”

Me: “How old is he?”

Customer #1: “Five!”

(I look at the receptionist and she is a bewildered as I am.)

Me: “Dogs typically live ten to fifteen years, and this breed can outlive that, easily, with proper care. Judging from his demeanour, he seems fine.”

Customer #1: “Oh, you don’t know what you’re talking about! Fifteen years is far too long. Just take him, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to refuse.”

Customer #1: *huffs* “Why won’t anyone kill my dog?!”

Customer #2: “Because he’s f****** healthy! If you don’t want him, I’ll take him.”

Customer #1: *excited* “Really? You’ll take my old, suffering, close-to-death dog?”

(After [Customer #2] got his own dog back, they both left. Two weeks later, [Customer #1]’s dog was registered with us, and was perfectly healthy. He was recently in for his vaccinations, and [Customer #2] said [Customer #1]’s children were devastated that she was getting rid of him, but since then they regularly go to his house to play with and take care of him, in the company of an owner who isn’t out to kill him.)

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