Man’s Best Friend, From Beginning To End

, , , , , | Right | April 1, 2013

(A family has just had their old golden retriever euthanized, due to a mix of a bad heart and bone cancer. The whole family is pretty despondent, but the youngest, a little boy, is taking it the worst. While the family is waiting for the paperwork to get finished, one of our regulars — a young Air Force lieutenant — walks in. He quickly notices the group, and approaches the desk.)

Lieutenant: “Did they just have to put someone down?”

(I nod. The lieutenant sits down right next to the boy, who is near tears.)

Lieutenant: “You okay, little guy?”

(The boy nods.)

Lieutenant: “Did you lose someone you care about?”

Boy: “Uh huh…”

Lieutenant: “Do you miss him?”

Boy: “Uh huh…”

Lieutenant: “Did you make every day of his life worth living?”

Boy: “Huh?”

Lieutenant: “I lost my little brother to cancer a few years back, and it tore me up. Had I done everything I could? What if I had done this or that differently? I just didn’t know, and it ate me up inside. Then they read us his will. It said, ‘I thank you, all of you, for making what borrowed time on Earth I had worth it, down to the second. That is all I could have asked for; know that should this cancer take me before I pen this will again, I loved each of you like no other family can, and going out with a smile worth smiling is the best way to go.'”

(The whole family is listening at this point, and the boy is completely enraptured. The lieutenant, lost in his recounting for a moment, looks back at the child.)

Lieutenant: “So, if you did your best — your VERY BEST — to make every day of his life worth living, I’m sure from wherever he is now, he’s looking back on your time together and smiling.”

(The boy runs out of his chair, up to the lieutenant, and gives him a hug. He lets loose all the tears he was fighting back. The father tries to remove the child from his iron-gripped hug, but the lieutenant stops him.)

Lieutenant: *to the father* “It really is no trouble at all…”

(As for the boy, he eventually he cried himself to sleep in the lieutenant’s lap.)

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Don’t Give This Boss A Pizza Your Mind

| Working | March 30, 2013

(On Saturdays, my boss buys pizzas for all employees, but wants to cut costs so has an employee pick them up instead of getting them delivered. Note: I am a 110 lb. female and this takes place in Detroit.)

Boss: “[My name], can you go pick up three pizzas from [pizza place]?”

Me: “It’s kind of far away, and I have a lot to do. Can you send someone else?”

Boss: “Everyone else is busy, too. And there’s one on the corner a few blocks over.”

Me: “Do you mean the one on [street name] and [street name]? I can’t go there, at least not alone.”

Boss: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “It’s a dangerous neighborhood and I’m not comfortable. I’m a small teenage girl. A girl about my age got raped in that area just a few days ago. I don’t want to end up raped or murdered while picking up pizza. I’d gladly go get one from the farther one if I stayed on the clock and if I wasn’t busy with so many dog baths.”

Boss: “Well, I’m your boss and I say you have to go get the pizza from [closer pizza place].”

(At this point, one of our vet techs, who is male, overhears our argument and steps in.)

Coworker: “Wait, what, Dr. [boss]? You want to send a tiny girl into the middle of Detroit alone just to save a couple bucks delivery fee? No. I’m not even busy! I can go get the pizza!”

Boss: “I want [my name] to do it because I told her to!”

Coworker: “But it’s not safe!”

Boss: “But. I. Told. Her. To.”

(I ended up staying at the clinic and my coworker went to get the pizza without telling our boss. To this day, he thinks he got what he wanted.)

 

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Polly Want A Manner, Part 2

, , , | Right | March 26, 2013

(I have just entered my vet’s office to pick up medicine for my dog. All is fine until I hear a horrible racket coming from one of the exam rooms. It sounds exactly like a toddler screaming ‘no, no, no, no!’ at the top of his lungs. I’m standing there dumbfounded, but the receptionist and some other customers are laughing.)

Me: “What’s going on?!”

Customer #1: “Trust me, you’ll love this.”

(A few moments later, another woman comes out of the exam room. She has an animal carrier in her hands, and is blushing beet red. The receptionist’s phone rings, and a loud voice comes from the animal carrier.)

Loud Voice: “Pick up ring ring! Pick up ring ring! PICK UP RING RING!”

(The woman starts shouting at the carrier.)

Woman: “Maggie, quiet!”

(I look in the carrier and see a very angry parrot staring back.)

Woman: “I’m so sorry! I just adopted her from a coworker. I had no idea she did that! She hasn’t uttered a single word since I brought her home. And this was just a nail trim!”

 

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Small Change Can Make The Difference

| Right | March 5, 2013

(During the month of February, my clinic has a special where our rabies vaccine is a much lower price than we would normally have it. I have just dealt with an extremely rude customer, and am prepared for the worst.)

Me: “Hello again, sir. Was there a problem with anything?”

Customer: “Did I get a three-year rabies vaccine?”

Me: “Yup, you did, sir. It shows how long it’s good for right there.”

(I show him the paperwork.)

Customer: “Okay, so… Why did you only charge me $8?”

(The customer pulls his change out of his pocket.)

Me: “Oh, that’s because this month we have a discount!”

Customer: “What? Really? That explains why it’s so busy. I was ready to give you back the change you gave me. Thanks!”

(I had to tell everyone I was working with what happened. To this day, thinking about him during a rough shift brings a smile to my face.)

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Gonna Bay For It Now

| Right | January 30, 2013

(I work as a receptionist for a vet clinic. When people are thinking about adding an animal to their life, we always recommend they do a lot of research into the breed, so they can choose the pet that’s best for them, both for their sakes and the pets. One morning, a woman calls in, frantic.)

Client: “I have to see a vet as soon as possible. I think there’s something horribly wrong with my beagle puppy!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’m pencilling you in. Can I ask, what are his symptoms?”

Client: “I’m not sure exactly, but he’s running around the house making this horrible sound, like he’s in pain. I don’t know what to do!”

Me: “Alright, well just take a deep breath. Can you get a good look at him? Does he have any injuries, or any other symptoms? Is he vomiting?”

Client: “No, he’s just making this awful sound! I think he’s-” *she’s interrupted by the ‘horrible’ sound* “There! That’s what he’s been doing all morning!”

Me: “Um, ma’am, how old is your beagle?”

Client: “Six months, why?”

Me: “Ah. Well, it sounds to me like he’s baying.”

Client: “What’s that? Is it serious?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Baying is a distinctive type of howl that hunting dogs make. When hunting breeds reach a certain age, their voice drops, the same way a human’s does, and they begin to bay when they’re excited. It sounds like your puppy just found his bay.”

Client: “But he’s not a hunting dog! I don’t even hunt!”

Me: “Beagles are a hunting breed, ma’am. They have been used to hunt for centuries. Baying is instinctive.”

Client: “Well, make him stop!”

Me: “I… what?”

Client: “Make him stop making that noise, it’s terrible!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t… make him stop. He’s doing what he’s bred to do. It sounds like he’s just excited with the new noise he can make and he’s showing it off. He’ll probably use it less once the newness has worn off.”

Client: “Less?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Client: “But…” *pause* “He’s going to do this forever?”

Me: “Welcome to owning a beagle, ma’am.”

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