Getting Into A Political Mess(iah)

| Romantic | February 26, 2015

(My boyfriend and I are waiting for the vet to examine my cat. As we wait, I am playing a trivia game on my phone.)

Me: “It asked me which president was the first to be born in a log cabin.”

Boyfriend: “Lincoln.”

Me: “That’s what I thought, but it wasn’t even an option!”

Boyfriend: “George Washington was born in a cave; Thomas Jefferson was born in a manger…”

Me: “Jesus. Jesus was born in a manger.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, yes. I always get those two confused.”

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Scrub Your Dirty Mind

| Working | November 17, 2014

(Throughout high school, I work at a vet clinic doing basic cleaning tasks. Everyone wears scrubs, including myself. Shortly after I start working there, I bring my dog in for his vaccines. My 30-year-old male coworker approaches me in the waiting room, looking at my dog’s chart.)

Coworker: “Hello, miss, you can bring your dog into room fou— Oh! [My Name]! I didn’t recognize you in clothes!”

Other Clients: *look appalled*

Coworker: “She works here… I’ve never seen her not in scrubs.”

(Everyone looked very relieved after that explanation.)

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Not The Best Pupil For Eye Care

| Right | October 21, 2014

Caller: “I need to make an appointment for my cat. Something is really wrong with his eyes!”

Me: “Could you explain to me what you’re seeing?”

Caller: “They keep changing sizes!”

Me: “Do you mean you see the eyelid coming over the eye, or…?”

Caller: “No! His eyes keep changing sizes! Sometimes the eye gets really big, and sometimes it gets really small.”

Me: “Wait, are you talking about the black part of the eye? Does the eye get skinny when it’s bright in the house or if your cat is in sunlight?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “And does the eye get wide when it’s dark out?”

Caller: “Yes! That’s exactly it! I need to know how to fix it!”

Me: “The black part of the eye is called a pupil. It changes size based on how much light is coming into the eye. When it’s bright out, the pupil gets smaller, when it’s dark out, the pupil gets larger. If there’s sunlight in one eye and darkness in the other, one pupil will be small and one will be big.”

Caller: “So I can’t fix it?”

Me: “No, you can’t. There’s nothing wrong with the eye. In fact, your eyes do the same thing.”

Caller: “So… it can’t be fixed?”

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Dealing With Gross, Point Blank

| Working | September 22, 2014

(I work casually at a local vet clinic as a kennel hand, whilst studying to actually be a veterinarian. There is very little that grosses me out. We occasionally have work experience students come in and shadow the staff. It’s the weekend, so we are literally a skeleton staff: me, a vet, and a receptionist; no nurse. I arrive at work to be told there is a student coming to shadow me, because she is thinking about training as a vet nurse.)

Me: “So what made you think about becoming a nurse?”

Student: “Well, I really love animals, and I’m not smart enough to be a vet. The studying is just too hard. So a nurse is the next best thing.”

(I’m a little taken aback, as training to be a nurse isn’t easy either. This girl also seems to have very little interest in what I am doing, duties often done by nurses. She seems to be squeamish about getting her hands dirty as we work, which includes cleaning litter trays and picking up after dogs. During the morning, the vet comes up to us to inform us that a dog has had a rather messy accident in the consult room, and needs us to clean it up. It’s the perfect opportunity. I proceed to go clean up while she watches.)

Student: *who at this point still has not actually gotten involved helping me* “I don’t know how you do that, like touching it and stuff. I don’t think I could handle it.”

Me: *biting my tongue* “This is fairly normal for a nurse or kennel hand to deal with. And it can be much, much worse. You get used to it pretty quickly.”

Student: “So you really deal with a lot of stuff like this? Like, all this gross stuff?”

Me: “Nurses deal with it daily.”

(I then get her to hold open a bin liner so that I can throw away all the contaminated paper towels and other disposables. The smell of the cleaning chemicals we used is strong enough that you can’t smell anything else, but she is still gagging and carrying on about how she can’t handle it, and she’s doesn’t like blood, and so on. It takes all my self control to not say anything. By the end of my shift, I am exasperated and in disbelief, although I still suggest she come and shadow the trained nurses for a better idea of the job. After she leaves, I turn to the receptionist, who is well aware that I am annoyed.)

Receptionist: *grinning* “You’re not sure she’ll work out as a nurse?”

Me: “Oh, she’ll do great, if she can find a nursing position that involves cuddling puppies and kittens all day and deals with absolutely nothing else whatsoever.”

Receptionist: “That bad?”

Me: “Who the hell is squeamish about seeing blood and decides they want to work in a vet clinic?!”

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Bachelor Chow Is The Cat’s Meow

| Right | August 4, 2014

(I am the customer in this story. The vet sells cat and dog food in the lobby. Though my mum takes my cat here when he’s ill and to buy food, I have never been to buy food before.)

Me: *picks up a large bag of cat food and takes it to the desk* “I’ll have this, please!”

Vet’s Receptionist: “That’ll be £15.00 please.”

Me: “Okay, great.” *I pay*

Vet’s Receptionist: “We have to note down sales in this book. Can I have your surname and your cat’s name, please?”

Me: *without thinking, I look up in surprise and say* “Huh? How did you know I have a cat?!”

Vet’s Receptionist: “Well… unless you plan on eating that yourself…”

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