The Only Reaction We’re Having Is Annoyance

, , , , , , | Healthy | November 9, 2018

(I work for a 24-hour emergency vet. It’s about one am; I usually get strange calls at this time of night.)

Client: “Hi. I was putting some flea medication on my dog and I think I’m having a reaction to it.”

Me: *thinking I misheard her* “Oh, he’s having a reaction to it?”

Client: “No, I am! My hands are breaking out, and I think my throat is getting tight.”

Me: “Oh! I’m sorry; you’ve called an animal emergency hospital!”

Client: “I know. You guys know what I need to take to fix it right?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you need to call 911 or go to your local emergency room; we only treat pets here.”

Client: “Well, that’s okay. If you guys treat pets, you know what I can take, right? I really wasn’t planning on going anywhere tonight; just tell me what medication you give to pets and I’ll just take a larger dose of it.”

Me: “Ma’am… I’m sorry, but we can’t give medication advice over the phone for pets, and we definitely can’t for people! You need to call 911 or go to the emergency room!”

Client: “You’re just being no help. Do you have a number I can call a different animal hospital? I don’t have Internet, so I can’t look up anything.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give you another number for an animal hospital that’s open right now, but I would gladly give you directions to the emergency room closest to you! You definitely need to go to a hospital for people if you’re having a reaction, not animal hospitals.”

Client: “Fine, y’all are just no help! You know, you really should give better advice to people when they call; you are a hospital, you know! I guess I’ll just have to go to the hospital down the road and see if they can help me. I’m never calling you again!” *click*

(I was so mind-blown I had to sit and collect myself for a few minutes. She sounded like a normal, middle-aged woman, so I hope it was a prank call, but unfortunately I don’t think it was.)

Bathed In Lies

, , , , , , | Right | October 30, 2018

(An old woman comes into the clinic in the evening, not long before we close. The vet determines that her dog has a skin condition, and instructs me to give him a medicated dip before the client comes back to pick him up. I soak the dog in the medication, let it sit, and then rinse him thoroughly, and since it’s winter and now dark outside, I make sure to spend some extra time blow-drying him so he doesn’t get a chill on the way home. I think everything is fine, but soon after she picks her dog up, the client calls to complain that we “didn’t do anything” for him. My coworker assures her that we treated him, and we think it’s over, until the next day when the phone rings. It’s the client again, this time furious and insisting that her dog “never even got wet.” The vet gives the phone to me.)

Client: “You lied to me! You’re cheating me! You never did anything for my dog!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I definitely did.”

Client: “No, you didn’t! He was completely dry! You never even got him wet!”

Me: “I blow-dried him before sending him home, ma’am. I didn’t want him to be cold.”

Client: “You’re lying! He had some dirt stuck to his paw when I brought him in, and it was still there when I picked him up! You didn’t give him a bath at all!”

Me: “I didn’t scrub him. That’s not what he was here for. A medicated dip is not that sort of bath; it is just a way to get the medication to soak into your dog’s skin. I was treating him, not cleaning him.”

Client: “You didn’t do anything! There was still dirt on his paw! You’re lying to me to get my money!”

Me: “As I said, ma’am, he was not here for a bath. I wasn’t trying to wash him. But I promise you, he received the treatment.”

Client: “No, no, no, you didn’t do anything. I can’t believe you would lie to me like this.”

Me: “I’m sorry there seems to have been a misunderstanding, but if you like, we could certainly give your dog a bath, no charge. It wouldn’t have to be done by me, if you don’t trust me. One of my coworkers could do it.”

Client: “No! All I want is for you to admit you lied!

Me: “Then I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t help you. I won’t tell you I didn’t do my job when I know I did.”

(This goes on for days, with the woman constantly calling back, us offering her different services for free, and her insisting that the only thing she wants is for us to admit we’re liars. This is how my last conversation with her ends.)

Client: “I can’t believe any of you. This is just terrible. I have to do it! I’m calling the better business bureau!

Me: *so very tired* “Go ahead, ma’am.”

Client: *stunned silence, before she sputters something and hangs up*

(I didn’t hear anything more and thought it was over, until my coworker came up to me a few days later and confessed that she’d heard the vet, my boss, talking to the woman on the phone and telling her that she was right, that I was a liar, and that I would be punished. He had her come in for that free bath, on my day off, so I wouldn’t see her and find out! But the part that really stung? My boss has cameras set up all throughout the clinic so that he can watch us from his office or at home, and review the footage after he’s gone out. There’s one right over the tub where I gave the dog the treatment… so my boss knew full well I had been telling the truth the entire time!)

I’m Sure Coca-Cola Sells It At This Point

, , , | Healthy | October 22, 2018

(A lady calls to seek advice about her tortoise, who has crusty matter around his eyes after waking from hibernation.)

Me: “I advise you to bathe his eyes with tepid water.”

Customer: “Where can I purchase tepid water from?”

Having An Existential Crisis Attitude

, , , , | Working | October 16, 2018

(My coworker and I work together in a boarding facility that’s part of a vet hospital. We aren’t buds, but we’ve never had any issues. We don’t usually make small talk; we just keep to ourselves and do our work — always a lot to do — mostly not saying more than we need to, though we do occasionally chat. This particular day is no different. We have been working all day with minimal chatting — again, no passive attitude or anything. I come in after finishing what I have been doing, to help fold laundry, again not saying much, when, out of nowhere:)

Coworker: “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but you really set me off sometimes; I come into work in a good mood and you just kind of ruin my day.”

Me: *slightly taken aback, and angry* “What do I do exactly?”

Coworker: “I don’t know. It’s not that you do or say anything in particular. You just set me off.”

Me: “So, my existence?

Coworker: “No. It’s nothing in particular… I don’t know, just your attitude.”

Me: *says nothing*

Coworker: “I’m going to go do one of the dog’s playtimes.” *walks away*

You Just Brightened Their Day

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2018

(We’re in the lobby of the animal hospital where I work. It has several large windows that look out towards the parking lot. Dark clouds have rolled in and it looks like rain. A client sitting on a bench with her dog doesn’t quite yell at me, but definitely speaks loud enough at me to make stop dead in my tracks.)

Client: “Hey! You know, you guys can turn the lights on at any moment. It getting dark out there!”

Me: *cautiously* “Are those prescription sunglasses you’re wearing?”

(The client’s jaw drops as she takes off her sunglasses, then hides her face from me.)

Client: “I’m so f****** embarrassed.”

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