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Can’t Let The Cat Out Of The Bag With No Cat

, , | Healthy | August 8, 2021

I am a veterinary surgeon in the middle of a very busy consulting session. I call my next appointment in — booked as “coughing” — and a man comes into my consulting room with no pet.

Me: “Where is your cat?”

Client: “Oh, she hates travelling, so I left her at home. I thought we could just discuss what to do.”

Me: “I can’t examine, diagnose, or treat a problem without actually seeing [Cat].”

Client: “So, I need to bring her, then?”

Me: “Yes.”

Client: “…”

Me: “…”

Client: “Shall I just go, then?”

Me: “Yes, please rebook for another time and bring her with you next time.”

He left. I mean… who deliberately doesn’t bring their pet for a veterinary appointment?

Can’t Chow Down On His Reasoning

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2021

I’m working reception at a vet’s office when I see one of our more unpleasant clients come into the lobby. He has a habit of bringing his dog in off-leash, often causing issues with our other patients. On this occasion, he does not have his dog but is carrying a metal pet food bowl. He comes up to my window and firmly places the bowl in front of me.

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Client: “Is this food okay?”

Me: “I’m sorry? I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

Client: “My dog won’t eat it.”

Me: “Oh, I see. Have you recently changed brands? Pets are creatures of habit, so they can sometimes be put off by a change in their food.”

Client: “No, it’s the same food I always feed him.”

Me: “Okay. Has he been unwell at all, or recently injured? Sometimes pain or illness can put them off their food.”

Client: “No, he’s fine. He just won’t eat this.”

Me: “I see. I’m afraid I don’t know why he won’t eat it. If you’d like, I could set you up with an appointment—”

Client: *Interrupting* “I just want to know if this food is okay. I mean, does it taste bad?”

Me: *Taken aback* “I… don’t know, sir. Have you tasted it?”

Client: “What? H***, no! I don’t eat dog food!”

Me: “Neither do I, sir, so I can’t offer an opinion.”

Cat Poop: It’s What’s For Dinner

, , , , , , | Healthy | July 22, 2021

My cat’s name is Dinner; my boyfriend, who is Vietnamese American, named him. He hasn’t been feeling well (the cat), and the vet told me to bring in a fecal sample.

They are still doing business by car, so when I pull up and the vet tech comes out, I hand over the bag of poop.

Me: “This is for Dinner.”

Vet Tech: *Stammering* “Thank you?”

Then, I come to my senses.

Me: *Laughing* “It’s a sample from my cat, Dinner. The vet needs it.”

She was so professional and so polite, in spite of her “WTF” face.

Lady, That “Part” Is Your Job!

, , , , , | Right | May 26, 2021

I’m at the vet for my dog. A mother and child are sitting in the waiting room.

Me: “Hello, I’m here with [Dog].”

Receptionist: “Okay, and any problems with her?”

Me: “She’s got some irritation on her… um, lady parts.”

Young Child: “Mom, what are lady parts?”

The mother gives me a hate-filled look.

Mother: “You tell him!”

I sat as far away from the mother and child as possible while waiting for the vet!

Either Their Ears Don’t Work, Or Time Doesn’t

, , , | Right | May 24, 2021

I’m a receptionist at a vet’s office.

Me: “Hello.”

Caller: “I was calling to make an appointment.”

Me: “We’re booked up until next Monday.”

Caller: “So, can I get in tomorrow?”