The Cat’s Last Meow

| OH, USA | Right | December 30, 2015

(Our small animal clinic opens an hour before the doctor comes in, during which time our grooming appointments, boarding appointments, etc. can come in, as well as customers looking for medication or food. We also receive a few calls. Because things are usually quiet, I am the only one answering phones.)

Caller: “Hi, um, I have a cat? It’s having some trouble.”

Me: “What seems to be going on?”

Caller: “Well, is there a reason a cat wouldn’t be able to go to the bathroom?”

Me: “Is he having trouble urinating or defecating?”

Caller: “I’m not sure; he’s straining in the litter box.”

Me: “Well, potty problems can be caused by a lot of things in cats. If he’s not going poo, that could be constipation. If he’s not urinating, that could be something more serious, like a UTI or a urinary blockage, which would require immediate attention.”

Caller: “Can I bring him in right now?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we do not have a doctor here right now. If you do feel this is an emergency, I would recommend Local Emergency Vet #1 or Local Emergency Vet #2. Would you like either of their numbers?”

Caller: “Well, he’s actually a pretty old cat, and I don’t want to spend that kind of money. Can I just bring him in and you look at him?”

Me: “I am not licensed to practice veterinary medicine, ma’am. I’m afraid only a vet can provide medical advice.”

Caller: “Well, I’m not going to have any time later today. Do you have any appointments tomorrow?”

Me: *wondering if she’s heard the part where I said this is definitely an emergency* “Yes?”

(We make the appointment, and she asks to make a grooming appointment for her cat immediately following his examination, which I reluctantly book.)

Me: “And again, if he continues showing signs of pain, do consider calling back or taking him to an emergency vet.”

(The cat did make it to the appointment the next day — by a thread. The vet ended up referring him to the emergency vet for surgical intervention, which they cheerfully accepted.)

Caller: “Nah, he’s old. If he can’t tough it out, he’s had a good life!”

Getting Catty About The Appointment

| West Palm Beach, FL, USA | Working | December 29, 2015

(I am at the desk at my vet’s office with my cat in his carrier.)

Me: *to office worker* “I have an appointment at 10 am.”

Office Worker: “No, you don’t. This is a vet’s office. We only treat animals, not people.”

Me: “It’s unfortunate, but my cat has never learned to make his own appointments. He can’t even dial a phone. I have to make all his appointments for him in my name.”

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The Cat Needs Some Highlights

| Australia | Working | December 5, 2015

(I call my local vet to make an appointment for my cat to have his annual immunisation.)

Receptionist: “Hello, [Name and Location of Veterinary Clinic].”

Me: “Hi, I’d like to make an appointment, please.”

Receptionist: “I’m sorry?”

Me: “I’d like to make an appointment, please”

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number. You want next door. I can give you their number.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Who have I called?”

(As I’m staring at the vet’s number on their website and thinking maybe I’ve dialled the wrong section, so I decide to check.)

Receptionist: “You’ve called the vet. The hairdresser is next door.”

Me: “Um, I wanted the vet; I want an appointment for my cat…”

Receptionist: “Oh… I just assumed you wanted a hair appointment…”

This Prank Is On A Roll

| TX, USA | Right | November 13, 2015

(I am a vet tech at a busy vet clinic. A client comes in with his intact male puppy. After the physical exam, the dog rolls over onto his back in a submissive stance. The owner starts freaking out.)

Owner: “His testicles are rolling up!”

(The vet and I look at each other a bit confused.)

Owner: “The breeder said that the dog’s testicles would go back into his abdomen if he rolled onto his back! I’ve spent the last ten weeks preventing my dog from rolling over!”

(We laughed about this for weeks afterwards.)

Boy, What A Problem!

| USA | Right | November 6, 2015

(I’m a vet tech. The first appointment of the day is two ladies in their 30s bring in a young Shih Tzu puppy for its first visit. The owners tell me that this is their first puppy.)

Me: “Wow, what a cute little guy. How long have you had him?”

Owner: “Him? The breeder told us it was a girl.”

(I lift puppy up and all the male parts are there, I then turn him around and show owners. Both owners look shocked!)

Owner: “NO! IT’S A GIRL DOG BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT WE PAID FOR!”

Me: “Ma’am, he has a penis and testicles.”

Owner: “NO! NO, IT’S A GIRL!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you look here there is—”

Owner: “The breeder said it’s just a ambilican hernia and I believe the breeder! Why would he lie?”

Me: “Umm, I don’t know, ma’am. It’s pronounced umbilical hernia, and no, he doesn’t have one. That is his prepuce which sheathes his penis.”

Owner: “What do you know? You’re not a vet! I want to talk to a vet!”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I walked out and informed my vet of the clients’ concerns. I went into the room with the vet and he told them the same thing. The owners actually continued to try to argue with my vet as to whether it was a boy!)

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